Bye 08

On the last day of 2008, at 640pm, im still stuck in the office here. Temperature outside = -5 Deg. Im not exactly feeling well now physically and my head is spinning. Hormornal changes are killing me.

Sg office declared a half day. But where we are now, everything is so different.

I think i have said enough about 2008.

I was flipping through my planner for 2009. And I accidentally landed on 31st Dec 2009. I cant help but wonder where I will be then and what I will be doing.

Hi new year, but there is nothing to be happy about really.

I cant wait to leave the office.

Surprise!!

Surprise no. 1
My flight was at 845am this morning, that means i need to leave my house at around 6:15am so that i can reach the airport 2 hours before flight.

I woke up at 6:00am. At 6:08, while I was showering, I heard my hp ring. At around 6:10, I managed to rush to answer the phone. It was CC. He said he would give me a wake up call the night before. As with all the wake up calls, he asked if I was awake or still sleeping. I said I just finish showering. Guess what he said??

Ok, great, then go open the door.

I was like huh? You must be kidding la, dun bluff me. Then he said really!!. I still didnt believe at first until I realised, when I picked up the phone, he was calling using his SG no. AHAHHA

And Walla!! I opened the door to see him standing there, right at my door step, at 6:11am.

WHAT A SURPRISE.

Never expected him to drive all the way out from JB so early in the morning JUST to send me to the airport and Just so that we can have breakfast together. haha...

Surprise no. 2
When I reached terminal 3, I was AGHAST to see that the queue for check-in for one of the rows is all the way to outside the airport, where they park trolleys. Hiaz, and that is the row that I was supposed to check in

I decided to give it a try. I shall not follow the rules. I went to try checking in from another row. YAY!! I made it. They allow me to check in there. No need to queue.

Surprise no. 3
When I finally reach YT airport. I got the last surprise. THEY NEVER ARRANGE FOR A DRIVER TO PICK ME UP. I shall not go on about the trouble that I had to go through after this. Sick pig. It was 2 deg celsius. and Im not staying in a hotel, I dun have bellboys to help me out.
ARGGHHH

In Anycase, tom is the beginning of a new challenge. Im not really looking forward to it frankly speaking. Well.. we'll see...

The Real goodbye SG

Im staring at the two lip gloss lying on my table right now.

I am not sure if I should stuff them into the side pocket of my already bursting luggage. Aiya, why did I forget them?

The last thing i wanna do is to go through that opening and then later on stuffing my things over and over again just so that I can zip it shut.

I think I can make do with 41 days of no lip gloss.

I was doing last minute wrapping just now. Haha.. Xmas pressies for my family.

And boy was I surprised to receive one from nelle.

She wrote on a masking tape pasted onto this metallic purple wrapper.

" To: Yi yi

From: Janelle. (Heart)"

Oh and I was touched. Still am.

Cute little notebook.

I had a nice and simple home cooked dinner mummy prepared for CC and Me. My last home cook dinner for year 2008.

I had better head to bed now.

I dunno what kind of luck I am on to stay so healthy to the extent that I put on weight the past few months and just like a year ago, I HAVE TO FALL SICK WHEN IM GOING TO STEP INTO THAT WINTER YT!!!!!!!!

SIGH.

Just saw on the news that in many parts of china, the flights were delayed at the airport due to poor vicinity, too foggy.

Crossing my fingers that mine is not going to be delayed NOR cancelled.

I have got pictures of the road trip loaded into my lappie already. When im more free i will post them up.

Merry Xmas to you all.

Happy New year 2009 in advance!

CIAO

Goodbye SG

I cant believe im packing for China again. I dread going back to the winter. I dread the strong cold winds. I dread the snow that might cause me to slip anytime.

I hope that everything goes on well this trip. The last thing I want is to go through what I suffered the last time round.

Im keeping my fingers crossed.

Lastly, I dread packing luggage for winter.

Bleh.

It was a great Road trip

I had loads of fun. There wasnt much planning and we just went with whatever that came. It was an argument free trip. Other than the fact that i was squashed right there, hard and fast by the lift doors in malacca and the last hotel stay i was feeding mosquitoes in KL, the trip was really really fantabulous.

That hotel in KL wasnt any budget back packers' inn. CC forgot to close the window and tata... mosquitoes had a great feast. I actually love the hotel for they upgraded us from a deluxe to an Executive suite for FREE!! ANd boy i cant help but love the room. It was really worth the money. I thought they would continue to upgrade us but nope, after our return from genting, we finally stayed in a deluxe room.

I love Malacca. Im so going to go back again. Maybe for another 3 D 2 Night. Our 2D 1 Night was kind of rush for we left JB late that day. But I really enjoy walking on the streets there and immersing myself in that culture-rich city. The food, the nonya food especially was great. My favourite. It has to be the Chendol. No joke. I think I had my best chendol there.

I met a few familiar faces in Genting. Im embarrassed to say this but this was my first trip there. I was horrified to see how packed the first world hotel was. I mean who on earth needs to take a queue number to check in. Not to check in but to take a queue number. And that excludes the time i need to spend queuing to get that queue number. I got 0942. The number they were serving? 0558. I need to wait for the hotel to check in another 300 plus rooms before it was our turn. Except for the convenience and a half decent breakfast, and most importantly, the location, I wouldnt try staying in First world hotel anymore. I felt like I was in a dorm.

Anyways... Shopping was great in Genting. Mango at Genting was on clearance sale. I mean everything there was on sale. I suppose all the "to-go" stuff was most probably from KL or so. And they are really dirt cheap. I got two pairs of Mango Heels at 39RM Each. Yes. That was how cheap they were going for.

Casino was great too. When the beginners' luck was with me. Haha.. i started off with 40RM, and I won 400RM just by playing Jackpot. That was the only thing I played. CC's presence and his guidance made everything a lot more fun. I remember those days when I was in the casino in macau and had no idea how to play, it was so boring.

I never had a more fulfilling trip CC.

We travelled to so many places these year. Im glad we have at least this Malaysia road trip to end the year 2008. We may or may not have our next Xmas trip. But even without that, Im more than happy to have done this.

You did not just made my day. You made my Year 2008.

ARGH

I just realised that my entry for the last post should be swopped with the previous one cos they match the respective photos better. Oh well.... shall leave them as they are.

I still feel kind of lost. I cant imagine that I have been in this state for so long. It's not about whether Im happy or not. Im just lost.

Dun ask me about whether I will be in sg for xmas. Dun ask me about whether I will be attending your weddings and the last thing I would appreciate is for you to set me a deadline to reply you. For heaven's sake, I have NO IDEA what I will be doing tomorrow, what kind of plans lie ahead for me, what I should really do now, to stay or leave and so how would I know if I will be in Singapore in 3 weeks' time?? As if I have control over this aspect of my life, as if I know and I can plan and that everything is at my whims and fancies...

You absolutely would not understand how I feel because you are not in my position.

NEGLECTED. TOTALLY NEGLECTED.

This is how I feel right now.

Would going away for another holiday help?
Im not sure abt going to stay in nice hotels, going for great hotel breakfast, going shopping, going away from sg for a few days, im not sure if this is what i really want right now. I need to be more prudent with my expenditure right now. Times have changed, drastically and we all know that.

It doesnt help that I have a rather sucky horoscope for the year 2009. THANKS man... whoever invented this horoscope thingie. I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THE YEAR 2009 as a member from the group born in the year of BOAR.

I used to love December. A LOT. I always look forward to Jan. I always do. This year, on the other hand, I cant wait for December to END yet I am not looking forward to the arrival of 2009 at all. So what does that leave me? stay in a space between 2008 and 2009?

I wouldnt mind if there is such a space for this.

ARGH

Little Surprise

Let me do a little write up on the YSL duo lip gloss. What caught my attention right from the start was the design of this product. At one glance, this may look like any other lipsick there is in the market right now. However, if you look closely, the designers managed to incorporate not just 1 but 2 colors in that one stick. Moreover, they smartly designed the YSL logo to be the handle of the lip brush. HOw sleek!

Best item for travelling, clubbing, or even everyday use.

And i tried the product, the berry taste on the lip gloss is great! Not too strong and artificial like some of the products out there.

I really like this!

Long Weekend

It was a pretty intense day on Saturday.

CC was in Beijing, SG, JB, SG, JB within a span of 12 hours and I did SG, JB, SG, JB with him.

It was a nice and simple getaway. I had a good time.

I cant believe that by playing that soccer game in the arcade could leave me with muscle aches on both my hands and i think i over-exerted by wrists and fingers too much during the game.

Will post some pics up soon.

Pretty much happy with the long weekend.

I love the surprise the most.

I saw a Kris shop paper bag in my luggage while i was searching for my battery. It was odd cos I dun remember using this paper bag...

Then I opened it.

And I saw the YSL duo lip gloss set. WOAH.

HAHAHA.... Something i have been eyeing a few months back... During our same flight back to sg... ahah.. on Kris shop. And I almost already forgot abt this. He remembers...

Lose some, win some

Although i lost myself very much the past 6 weeks at work, for the past 3 weeks, I got so much closer to my department.

For some reasons, after putting everything aside, I got a lot closer to all of them. I look forward to every lunch and even after work, I would rush off so that I can take the same train with them back.

Im not sure what and how i should take away from these 6 weeks.

At the end of the day, I have to accept and just be patient.

Wongso keeps telling me, there is no need to understand every single thing that happens in life. There is no need to understand why certain things happen and why certain people behave in a certain way. Honestly, accepting without understanding is my biggest mental obstacle and all these coupled with unconditional patience is something i am still trying very very hard to work on.

I cant blindly accept. I cant quietly and blindly accept whatever that happens. I need to understand, be told or as least find out the underlying objective.

Otherwise, I will be miserable. And yes, I was miserable, and im slightly miserable now but well, it is getting better. Time is sometimes the best medicine to all. After a while, you will just be numb. Soon enough, things will become less disturbing... slowly slowly... the acceptance will grow.

The biggest distraction that I have been waiting for the longest time is finally coming...

Im sure I will be able to stay happy, at least for the next few days.

I have problems falling alseep during and after my facial massage. I suppose i cant meditate well too. My mind is just not calm. I have seen so many people fall asleep during massages... but I cant. Even when im on face mask, and the whole environment is so soothing and peaceful, I cant sleep, my mind cannot rest.

What should I do abt this?

When uncertainty dominates all

Im now officially CC's “小情人”

Dunno to be happy or to be sad.

Never expected the bosses to be so open. Price to pay? Let them tease until they happy.

Im looking forward to the little beach getaway this weekend anyway...

HE said this is a mini one.. and also to satisfy my urge to be near the sea.

Next up we should be going to KL and Genting. My virgin trip to Genting...

After this, we might have to part for another 1 month... either that or I will be joining him there and we wont be back till CNY.

After CNY, i dun think anyone can catch me in SG at least for another 6 months.

With all the above thoughts, maybe the current situation is a blessing in disguise that I should not complain more.

The plan B of mine should still go on.

Two more days and still, it seems like forever.

Great meeting up with Tracy and Adrian.

Time passes by fast and again.. we can always go on and on.... and we talk about anything and everything.

After talking to a few of the peeps around me, and after hearing their advice, I think i am now more ready to move on and work on things.

Im extremely sleepy now though.

Should I sleep or should I continue with it? BUt I wont have time to do it during the weekends...

Low

If you dont have values, not even the basic ones, you dun have much.

Im not going to stoop to your level and be made a victim once again. Although this time round I am a different kind of victim, still, you took away the very last bit of what was left.

So this shall be it.

Im glad I walked out of it all.

Not qualified to be even called a friend.

Play overdose

I was supposed to sleep at 10pm. Now it's almost 12 midnight and im still hanging around.



Reached home at almost 6am on Sunday early morning, from Sat night's outing. It was really fun and it was a rather nice mix of peeps.



Cant believe I did the following all on a sat night:

• Holland V XO fish head noodles+Ngoh Hiang+San Lao+Prawn sauce chix+vegetables with oyster sauce


• Haagen Diaz


• Prawning @ Bishan Park


• Party World

But I really had a great time laughing and laughing right through

Today, CC called me at 1030am..

I forced myself up to attend a cousin's baby's first month celebration.

Went to the suntec book fair with my sis. Shop. Ate dinner.

Came back home...

I was totally totally exhausted throughout the day. My mind and body arent really in sync i feel.

Another round of KTV tom.

Im kind of busy this week... and yes.. counting down....

I seriously need to go grab some sleep.

Nightie

H.E.L.P

I caught an episode of H.E.L.P on CNA.

I was immediately reminded of those days back in Nepal.

The H.E.L.P project assisted villages to get out of their cycle of poverty. However, due to the insufficient funds, only 10 priviledged families are included in the program. According to Tommy, the guy who was approached to help head this project, these villages do not own the farm lands in their village. They were always at the command of the land owners and hence, their income is not very much within their control and aboveall, it is always insufficient.

An interview with a man revealed that his family consisting of 4 kids needed USD 3 a day to get by but he is only earning a mere USD1.2 to USD2.0 each day.

I cant help but compare at how my life is now and how things are at all these places around the world. Surely there is something I can continue to do. Surely things cant stopped at Nepal.

I guess I understand where Chris was coming from that day about her wanting to do more for the community. I would very much wanna continue this too.

And I hope that we can do it together!

Well... I didnt know how jialat my Hokkien was, until I had to explain to ah gong was the documentary was about. I had to fall back to mandarin cos my hokkien sentence structure is a bit wrong. Plus my vocab also not that good and most importantly, this isnt daily conversation, it is explaining things like farming, land owner, poverty etc etc.. haha. And maybe that's why i keep practising my hokkkien with CC whenever we are overseas, especially in China.. so that people dun understand what we are talking.

Haha.. Not sure if I blogged about this. Two trips ago, when i was in China and in one of the meetings, it was done in cantonese. HAha.. they ask me if i understand cos the other guy who was in his mandarin is pretty weak and the guy chairing the meeting wasnt confident of his english. AHhaa. and we did it in cantonese. I can understand but i never had the chance to practise... But that was quite fun.. interesting.

Same Same

Oh i never expected my nightout with Dr heng to end so early.

We ended up at Brewerks for dinner and drinks. The food was pretty good but i was so busy chatting that by the time it was my turn to listen, i realised my hunger pangs have subsided. We ended up having a lot of leftovers.

I think we were trying to catch up and chat what we have missed out in almost, say 1 year? HAHA

But one thing didnt change, how fast we could always jump back into all sorts of conversations and start to talk about life.

It's so like Sex and the city. I dun think I fit any of the 4 characters there though.

And it seems that the batch of Drs had a gathering at brewerks and she ended up looking like a recept to all the batch mates and every 20 min she would be waving to someone.

Well... lots and loads of stories...

Ahaha.. I dun think i will look at doctors the same way anymore. Maybe I forgot that they were afterall humans like you and I. So no, they are not at a "higher" level.

Im looking forward to tomorrow's outing. I wonder if we will be hanging out with the same group of people. And very soon comes sunday. And then the week days should whisk by...

Waiting...

Dr Heng in da house...

Im looking forward to the meet up tonight. Dr Heng.. ahah..

I went: Eh, you Dr Heng already or still havent graduate?
Dr Heng: Wa Lau, that was like 6-7 months ago already lor.
I went: Ohhhh.... sorry sorry... we havent been catching up lor...
Dr: Cos you are always in China

Wow...

I really miss you man.

Tons of updates.

TGIF!!

7 days....

I am missing you so absolutely much.

I cant wait...

This is driving me crazy...

COME BACK NOW!!!

& I hope that I can be with you on your BDAE! Keeping my fingers crossed. Hopefully we can spend it together... JB, YT or SG?

Since when did 7 days ever feel so far away??

Today, AT was telling me about cheap cheap air tickets on Jetstar. HAha.. and we found out that Tiger had cheap tickets for sale for an earlier period. Sigh..but we cant plan... we always cant plan... Taiwan? Macau & HK? I hope I get to go over with you this time round.. and we can certainly enjoy our WHITE XMAS in SEOUL!!

& Next year... let's put OSAKA or TOKYO on our plans...

I hope that we can make it to Sushi land. Afterall, we have already done kim chih land... Im sure Sushi land would be even better!

I hope we get to stay on our own in the nice little YG100 apartment when plans firm up. That would make life so much easier for me when you are busy.

But all is uncertain now


PLEASE help me put all the above hopes in your wish when you blow the candles this dec ok CC? HAHAHA....
I will do that as well in Jan when my turn comes...

So that they will all come true...

Lyrics

完美可以很简单

只要过的没遗憾

Negotiation 101

I'm now reading this book " Winning negotiations that preserve relationships".

Theories mentioned in the book are not just exceptionally useful for work, but for relationships too.

Firstly, we should avoid peceiving the negotiated issue as a zero-sum game. That means, if either party gains, the other will have to lose out. True enough, this was what made me suffer so much at the beginning. I was not happy because I saw none of my interests catered to. And I felt disturbed and very much, frustrated because I did not want to live with the way things have changed. However, neither party would want to be the losing end. Therefore this is a mentality and a zone to avoid in all negotiations.

The next common obstacle we should get rid of is the way we negotiate (for relationships, discuss). We should negotiate from exploring and putting interests of both parties upfront rather than enter a negotiation and pile the discussion on with each other's bottomline.
If both parties dun understand what the interests of the other party are, by simply having two parties holding firming to each other's bottomline, the whole negotiation will then turn into nothing more than a haggle.

After the recent mini saga that we went through, I look back at how everything went and tried to rationalise with the above theories.

No doubt there are a lot of other theories for negotiations like knowing your BATNA (Best alternative to a negotiated agreement), etc etc, but i think the above two theories are the most important to set the grounds right for negotiation.

I realised, how we eventually made it was when we starting talking and listening to each other's interests. On the ground of us both gaining a win-win position, both winning and not really a zero-sum game like the way we started out, we managed to finally reach a common platform of understanding and I would very much say, a solution for now. With little costs to both parties, we both won the game.

It's certainly not effortless to reach this position. The key to finally reaching a solution also lies in resolving exactly what costs each party should pay, whether both parties are mutually agreeable.

It's important for relationships to have mini systems and processes of all sorts set properly. These are the exact mechanisms that will bring the two through the existing and any obstacle down the road.

Very often, it is also after going through things like that that we grow, not just as individuals, but together. I guess this is what being together is all about at the end of the day.

Closure 2008

Great.

Cleared off issues left behind earlier.

Everything clear.

Time to file things up and shelve them.

CC

Hang in there...

It's going to be over soon.

The final leap and you will be back to civilisation.

No matter how tough the going gets, im here.

Even though it's been rough, im glad we held on.

Phone bill this month will show how hard we tried.

It's all worth it.

Im counting down....

Insomnia.

It's 4:15 and i still cant sleep.

Watching channel 8 playing shows about 15 years back.

Dun understand why i have to force myself to be unhappy in order to be happy.

well...

Even though im going to be super late for my appointment, im still going to blog this tiny bit.

I will try to re-look my life and look at what's in front of me, what lies ahead and how I should go about managing them. My career goals, aspiritions, emotional well-being, physical health and relationships.

Peace.

Acceptance

I think it is time I stop fighting.

I should stop fighting for a change.

I have to start fighting, on the other hand, with myself to accept what I do not want to accept.

And it seems like it is also time that I put away all the attachments because these are the exact reasons why I am struggling so hard.

And it doesnt help, to know that I am struggling, alone.

It seems that there is truly no other way.

I have to accept.

Whatever that comes, accept.

No matter how unhappy, accept.

No matter how much im afraid that this might bring about an adverse effect to the relationship which, may be so tricky that these effects are irreversible, still, I have to accept.

Even if it means that I have to struggle through every step of the way, alone, I have to accept.

Because fighting for a change and improvement brought me nowhere.

I fought so hard. We moved a little. We are stuck again.

Im drained. I do not have the energy to fight anymore.

Resigning to fate should be the best solution for now.

I give up.

Moving on

Maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

The past 1 month was rather intense in all aspects of my life.

But now. Everything that I manage to push through turned out better.

I feel renewed. I am beginning to see the light and most importantly, the hope again.

Motivation is coming back, albeit slowly...

Im just glad that Im moving on...

Perhaps patience is all I need now. My patience bank has never been rich. Patience credit crunch...

领悟

不是因钱而起的问题，不能用钱解决, 问题也绝对不会因钱多了，而相应的减少。

因钱而起的问题，不见得一定就要用钱解决，

解决问题的前提在于人最终快不快乐，

若不快乐，一切都变得没意义了。

但是，钱能解决的问题，尽量让钱解决，最重要的还是活的开心。

Peace. Compassion. Acceptance.
I love Buddhism.

How Apt, And I hope so too.. Wish me luck.

Horoscope for PIG, from Yahoo

The day will be positive if you maintain composure in the face of adversity. Your patience will be tested today, but a little tact will have you coming out of it smelling like a rose. Your home life will be harmonious and provide a great amount of happiness.

Horoscope for Capricorn, from Yahoo

You need to slow down a lot and rethink any new plans or schemes that have come your way lately -- there may be hidden flaws that only you are likely to spot. Go over each one with great care!

Changed

Things have changed and right now, Im not sure if I can cope with it. Especially not so when it was a double whammy.

It is high time I take a break from it all.

I have never wanted to leave this place so much.

I tried. It didnt work out. Still, Im left alone to sort things out.

And at the end of it all?

Im alone.

I shouldnt hold on to the past.

No more.

This is my new found love. Something i look forward to every morning cos when the clock strikes 12 for lunch, the gang will flock to this nice, clean and homely korean restaurant less than 5 min away from the yard for lunch. Their menu changes everyday so you will never know what you will get. The best part of it all, EVERY DAY.. and yes, EVERY DAY, you can expect free flow rice and most importantly... woah.. free flow piping hot korean soup which is simply heavenly and you just cant stop slurping and slurping especially in this cold weather.

The restaurant doesnt have a menu so you dun get to choose what you want to eat. Food is already served on the tables and you simply find a seat and the moment you sit down, you can start. 20 rMB per head, equivalent to about $4.50 SGD. It isnt exactly cheap to be honest according to the standards here, i mean around the yard, but this is definitely one mini eatery in which you can eat and not have to worry abt getting food poisoning...

Alrightey.. I am looking forward to my lunch!

I miss YEW, the curlie!

Lost

I believe that i need to spend some time to put my life back into persective. At least, how I view my life right now.

The balance has been tipped and I have lost my footing.

Perhaps it's the uncertainty lying ahead, perhaps it's the bad experienced in the past, perhaps it was just how the sources of my motivation in life seemed to have changed or at least, they were no longer there where I used to find them.

Maybe It was due to the fact that I did not spend enough ME time here and everything seems to be dictated by events not within my control.

Im like a lost bird maybe. A lost bird at a cross road.

It's not about whether this is good or bad. Nor do I need anyone to understand what and how I feel. It is simply a phase that I dread because I feel like I am swimming in the middle of the sea, blindfolded. Sometimes with a little direction here and there, I feel more comforted. But until my blindfold gets removed, and someone hauls me back into a boat, I will continue to feel lost. Maybe I should start searching for new boats and haul myself on. But that is yet another risk, which I am not sure, would make me better off than this.

11 deg

So well done, 11deg C and we walked all the way from the guesthouse to the yard. My ears went numb from cold and the strong wind that kept us from moving forward with ease left me with a headache now that Im in the office.

Blur me left all three mufflers that I bought last night all in my room. How smart.

Im not still not in my winter gear.

Temperature doesnt seem like it will rise anytime.

Apparent Beijing is abt 2 deg i heard. Good luck to me during my transit. My GOOSE FEATHER JACKETS SHOULDNT BE LEFT AT HOME!

Counting down to returning home

COLD COLD

I am so not prepared for this 12Deg C to 14 Deg C temperature! Im still in my autumn clothes.

Arrgghhhh....

I have to leave next week cos Im not ready for the winter!!!

The strong winds didnt help... now it feels more like 10 deg. Sob sob... cold cold...

Looking forward to buying shawls and gloves!!

Trapped

Perhaps there is one key from the bunch I hold somewhere that can free my soul. Perhaps that key doesnt even exist.

Maybe I should wait.

Maybe I should stand up and walk out of it once and for all.

I hate feeling what I felt yesterday and a few days ago.

I hate aboveall, that the frequency of these unhappiness is increasing.

Maybe i have officially sank into another state of depression.

Sometimes I think, I shouldnt try to control things that are beyond me.

And right after, I would then start thinking about things that are within my control.

I will then, make a big decision. If I were to eventually reach the state in which I have to decide, I guess I would.

It's pure agony as of now.

Home sick

I have six min to complete an entry cos I have tons of work waiting for me. All in red flagging at me. Shit.

I love being at work early cos you naturally just feel more motivated to have at least 4 hours ahead before lunch to clear all matters on hand. This is especially important in times like that when i am fighting to split 3 things on hand to be completed as much as possible by this week. I have 4 days to be exact before I go back to SG.

The weekend was one eye opener. i will blog more about this later. It wasnt a very pleasant experience but this experience is certainly valuable. It has changed my perception of renting houses, especially so in China. Im glad I have a place to stay and never have to worry about things like that back at home.

I miss home. I miss my family.

I am kind of looking forward to the wedding because it has been a long while since the family gathered, dressed up and hang out together. Even if it was just a few hours. After this weekend, I will most probably be back in china for a while. And I wont have much time to spend with my loved ones at home.

Cant wait to touch down at Changi.

The struggle

On fiction Books

I Received a newsletter from Borders Singapore.

In this issue, they focused on books that were nominated for various Booker Prize. I scanned through some of the titles and read the synopsis. Boy, I realised it was a really long time since I last read a true fiction book.

I would not classify Paulo Coelho's as a true fiction because to me, his is more a book of philosophy using fiction as a platform to set his ideas and put forth his thinkings.

People around me have been recommending me Jodi Picoult. My sis finished one and passed me one of her books. Somehow while I was deciding what book to bring for my trip last week, I contemplated for a while Picoult's. However, I guess I havent had the habit of reading fiction for quite sometime because of the frequent travelling. I hate to read a book halfway, and because work and rest overrided continuing the book for months, I had to go back to the book, right in the middle, with no more clue of what exactly happened before. Having to just recalled the gist of the plot isnt adequate, it is very often the details that makes a book worth reading. This problem is a little less serious for non-fictions I feel.

In anycase, after reading through that newsletter, I was pretty tempted to grab some of them. I need to do something about my discipline in reading.

Workwise, I have got new projects coming up and some of the old projects have progressed and so more work has to be done.

It is hard for me to not travel here, at least not this winter.

Enlightened

I know I shouldnt be typing this right now but I really need a little break from everything else to pen my thoughts and also to take this opportunity to rationalize things a bit.

It's been a pretty rollar coaster trip. Not long, exactly 7 days since i first arrived. Just by sitting beside me boss for 4 days was a great learning experience and with the guidance and direction she provided, I was so much better off than before. At least now i understand better my role, what I should do and my approach to the analysis that I was supposed to do.

This is also a runaway trip from some unhappy things going on at home.

& as for that other issue, we have successfully reached another level I think.

I was happy shopping alone at Watsons, the supermarket and da baoing pizza and lugging everything all the way back to my room yesterday. It's good to spend some time alone once in a while.

I went home, accidentally fell asleep and woke up at 1230am to wash up. Well, I went on to finish up some work and that left me very awake at 130am. I couldnt sleep anymore cos I slept a little too much for the night. Maybe it was because of the nap, maybe it was because of the DVD. HAha... anyway.. after much complaining, he told me to shut the tv, just close my eyes and sleep.

Well, I guess after much struggle, I manage to rest at around 4am. And at 7am... I was in a battle with my sleep, trying very hard to get up. Alarms after alarms, calls after calls... Surprisingly I still manage to reach the office at 8am.

I see that I will be spending another winter in China.

Going home next weekend, wedding dinner most prob and then come back here with the full winter gear.

I finally got down to gathering these pics

Virtually there

Time to pack the Luggage AGAIN!!

I just unpacked a few days ago lor...

*Sob Sob*

And I need somthing more mentally stimulating... ARRGGHH... time is CRAWLING BY.... So slowly...

If only I have the answers....

Still lost

You wouldnt believe this. Maybe this is fate.
I was at the cafe in YT, China at 7pm on 26th.
I was having dinner and then furiously typing the essay(max 500 words) and my work scope (max 2000 words). Dinner took about 2 hours, and by 11.10pm, I was ready to complete my application. Even though i was given a cable, I still could not connect to the internet. No choice, I had to go back to the guesthouse.

I reached the guesthouse at 1120pm and immediately after i plugged in the cable, I got internet.

I logged on to the online application, wanting to complete it. Then when i refreshed the page, I was told that the online application is closed. That was 1130pm. I refreshed twice. Same result. I thought oh well, then i should just send an email to them to state my case.

I didnt receive a reply the next day nor the day after. When I reach beijing the day after, I logged on to my mail and to my horror, I realised that the email that I thought I sent wasnt even in my sent box.It wasnt sent. In anycase, I sent them another email.

The next day, back in SG in the office, I gave them a call to ask if they had received my mail cos there was no reply.

The person asked me for my name and then later she told me, oh, she had spoken to the supervisor and checked with IT. The system was working fine and it only closed at 1159. And there was nothing they could do to reverse the application system. NOTHING THEY COULD DO. So? She told me to apply next year.

I wasnt upset over the fact that I cant apply this year because even if I got an acceptance, I would ask for deferment as my job doesnt allow me to not travel, at least not in the near 6 months. And I would not sacrifice my job or let it be affected in a negative way because of my masters.

But I wasnt convinced with the way my case was handled. No replies. And I told her I tried to log on at 1130 but it showed online application was closed. Her reply was, that's why we dun advice candidates to apply last minute. Firstly, if your closing date and time is 26th Sep 1159, you keep to that and you my rights to apply exist till 1159. Secondly, she just contradicted herself when she said a lot of people still manage to submit application via the system on 26th.

I was plain sway i suppose.

And Im disappointed with the way she handled me. Afterall, its service we are talking about here.

At the end of the day, i realised that you dont always only pay a price to find out what you really want. I paid a price this time, to find out what I do not want. At least, not now.

It's 3:10 am now. And I finally finished unpacking my luggages and wardrobe. I know that when Im really in for something, I would hold on to it right to the end. I looked back at the application, I am beginning to have a clearer picture. MAybe I was plain sway, maybe it was just the customer service person who decided not to do anything more, whatever the case, I guess in the midst of this blur, I shouldnt commit.

Anyway, Im still waiting for that little voice inside me to point me to somewhere...

Im back

Just when i was all ready to cover an entry on my trip this time round... I realised I couldnt complete it with pics cos i forgot about this lappie not having any blue tooth function and i am all too lazy to start up another lappie just for this.

Anyway, I enjoyed both my flights to and from beijing. En route, I was so engrossed in all my movies that I laughed, teared discretely and went on all the emotional roller coasters each movie was suppose to bring.

Some shows were just plain boring though and frankly, Sept movies on krisworld is kind of bad. I mean it wasnt as if I caught a lot of the movies there already, but sigh... MAybe the movies released in Jul/Aug were limited.

I finally caught 200 pounds beauty. Better late than never and I kinda love it.
I watched Sex and the City AGAIN and yes.. I am still as engrossed as the first time that I watched it in the Cinema. Maybe because I have already completed 6 seasons of the series... I could relate to the show a lot better.
Sparrow was boring... maybe cos the HK serial on the lappie next to mine was more interesting... haha.. I didnt even finish half the show.

L for Love and L for Lies.. a HK movie.. kind of nice.. though the ending was a little tacky, but still, it managed to have me hook on it, laugh and tear with it as well.

Oh oh oh.. I must say this... I met EASON at beijing airport. From afar, I thought he looked like somebody I knew and so I was staring at him a little longer... then when i suddenly realised he was EAson, it was also the time when he saw me looking (we were walking past each other) that I decided not to look at him.

Before that while we were at HAagen Daz, apparently there was also a star there. However, that was a Chinese star so neither CC nor I could recognise him. It got a little too much for him when this family started taking pics with him, getting his autograph and a mini crowd began to form INSIDE the tiny outlet. Kind of sad and I began to feel for him and all artistes. Imagine, he couldnt even enjoy a scoop in peace. Right after the pic, he stood up immediately and just walked out, leaving his assistant/papa behind to carry another bag and to catch up with him.

And on the killer milk thingie... It didnt help knowing that I was away like 70% of the time this year in China and that I start off almost 80% of the mornings I was there with a packet of MEng Niu Milk. Im not that sure how badly affected this milk is but hey, I have already drank A LOT of the milk already so what now?

SIGH...

Bless me...

That's It

I see a big change ahead.

It may be better or worst. I am not sure.

In any case, maybe I shouldnt think so much. Maybe I should be more selfish and think about what I want.

Disappointment arises when expectations are not met.

Maybe I shouldnt have expectations anymore. But that was what happened before and how I eventually started eating my own happiness away. No expectations, no hopes, nothing to look forward to, and Im left with a life of unhappiness. I am not going to make the same mistake twice.

When I was struggling to put my own needs and aspirations aside, I realised that maybe I dun have to do that. As much as i hope that this is meant to stay, I am beginning to have some doubts here and there. Maybe I should just listen to myself and do what I want.

Good luck to me.

Dun Get it wrong...

In case i receive another BIG BIG message in CAPS as follows:

"SHI! YOU GETTING MARRIED??"

haha.. I am NOT getting married LEI!!!

I spoke about "house-to-be" and did not use the term "our house" for a reason leh.

HAHA...

And please!! SY and HS.. I wont get married and leave the two of you the last 2 person on earth to know lor... or worst still, dont inform you! Im not like that HOR!!

Ramblings non stop

My entries are not getting proper updates of pics because my old lappie at home doesnt seem to have a blue tooth function.

All words no pictures. So boring.

My weekend was well.. intense.

Packed. very packed. This was one weekend in which I did not get to pay off my sleep debts. And Sunday ended off with a heavy heart and my mind full of thoughts.

The past one month was kind of spiritually bland for me. I couldnt get myself back to the book I was halfway through. As for the other books which I decided to start, I couldnt get myself to continue again because those are very much self-help books and as the name suggests, when I no longer feel the need, I no longer find myself reading them well. I mean I can bring myself to finish up the book but it would mean that I require now twice the amt of attention I used to put in. I am a person with pretty low attention span. I am easily distracted. I am not sure why but that was how I have been.

Anyway, I would definitely love to get back to reading. Hopefully this upcoming trip would bring the momentum back.

One thing I look so very forward to: To complete Sex and the city DVD series lying in my room in China...

Stretching and training the tiny brain of mind. It's tough but I did not regret the decision I made about 1.5 months ago. Time flies.

No more boring ramblings...

Sigh

Hmm... Im not sure how to describe my feelings now.

I have been dreading to go work these days. Work is boring. I know im at that stage of learning, that beginning when things are nothing but hazy... BORING is all i can say.

Looking at numbers, pages after pages of excel sheets... Arrgghhh...

I miss doing those projects that are a lot more interesting, requires a lot more skills than simply reviewing numbers.

I am afraid that this may not be what I truly enjoy afterall.

Well, perhaps it is too early to judge for now. I would have to wait till after this upcoming trip before I can officially decide if I would really like to take this on.

Hiaz... motivation level all time low.

Yoz

My life hasnt been very exciting these days but it definitely has been the utmost fulfilling.

Over the weekend, I finally got to see the interior of the house. A newly built house of his, our potential house-to-be. Haha.. I am excited. It's kind of wierd to be at this phase of life. I used to see and hear about people buying flats. I never thought that i would actually be able to stay in a "house". A house of our own. In the newly built, unfurnished shelter, I see hope and dreams. I guess that is what makes this whole event more exciting. Not sure if I should be happy about me reaching this stage.. haha.. cos it is both heart-warming and at the same time, it brings me to realise that boy... I am getting old.

Workwise, things are getting a little monotonous and dull but hey, this is always the case for all beginnings...

Well... Another week to go...

Friday

It's been a while since i was up at 2:37am.

Tom is the farewell for CP. Oh I will surely miss you. It's sad to see my sisters leave one by one.

Well, such is life.

For me, at this point, it's funny to look back and see how I used to only blog when I was terribly upset or highly irritated by something or someone.

My life is almost perfect now. Almost.

Good career. Good bf. Good health. Family around and that I get to spend time with them since Im in SG now.

CC you made me understand and see a lot of things I never saw in the past. You made me grow while in a relationship with you. You are my saviour. From tears, unhappiness, insecurity and depression, to laughter, fun, joy, selfless love, you brought me into your arms, though not without effort, and made me see how a rel should really be.

It wasnt easy at the beginning, as with all good things. And I rem my big boss once said, " What comes fast will go away fast". I believe him. And I believe that. It makes sense. You persevered through the hard times. You refused to give up. When I was really lost, you led me back. The hurdles were high. I thought you would not make it through but you proved me wrong.

Maybe all the travelling made our hearts grew fonder. Maybe our past experiences made us both understand the importance of committing and not taking each other for granted.

I cant help but say, I am really happy now.

Thank you CC.

I better go get some rest.

TGIF~!

....& because I need to travel....

1. I cant sign up for the beginners' class for tennis organised by the Alumni
2. I cant sign up for the workshop organised by the school
3. I cant get EArly bird discounts for all the concerts of my fav singers!!!
4. I am not sure if I am able to commit to the classes for my Masters in 2009 and so I am not sure if I should apply
5. I missed, am missing and might be missing family weddings, birthdays, celebrations
6. I need time to adjust and settle down, even if it means settling down back home each time after a trip
7. People have to accomodate to my timing for gatherings, either that or they wont be able to meet me

No surprise, im flying off soon again...

TIME LINE

I give myself 6 months to decide what I would like to do the next 2 years.

I give myself 1 year, to conquer all financial statements and be the queen of costing!!! hahaha

23 days for myself to earn an interview.

1.5 months to make sure I grasp what I need to know now so that my Biz trip wont spill over to the very uncertain 2009.

No pain, no gain.
But can have pain and happiness at the same time I think. Haha...

You are the best GIFT for the year 2008!

Better

I missed out on quite a few updates since my last entry. When i wanted so badly to blog, I didnt have my lappie with me.

I went to attend the information session on MPA at school last sat. I had quite a bit of motivation and insight into this program, what I want, what I need and what I should do. I remember why and what exactly I love about SMU. The culture, the professors. Not all the profs are perfect but certainly, TS is great. He reminded me very much of my two bosses. So logical, so to the point.

I am truly grateful to have MS up there. That little bit of compliments. Very simple one or two liners never fail to spur me on. Seriously, when things have to be reported at his level, that means I am going through that level of stress. It is all so worth it cos he is appreciative and that he is very encouraging. Guess that's the difference between Asian boss and Caucasian boss.

Building my little portfolio finally in the department! HAha.. now im in transition between two projects, that means I am free"er... Non peak season. So shiok, today I get to leave at 6pm sharp.

Anyway... Maybe after 20 sep i will have more to say. For now... Keeping my fingers crossed....

I MISS YOU baobei!!

Lost

Im not sure what exactly is it that I am waiting for now.

Im so lost. I need some direction.

At the end of the day, I know I just have to stick to what I believe and hold on to the end.

Sigh

CC says dun think so much...

Go for the well deserved holiday.

Dun think about work, about GMAT, about masters, about my Samsung Phone.

Maybe it was a bad decision. SIGH

Anyhow, time to go BKK tom. It was meant to be a vacation. I shouldnt bring anything with me, definitely not all these emotional baggage.

Cant wait to get onto the plane.... Wheee....

Can feel it setting in

It's not going to be easy there...

Working full time and studying part time for my masters.

I am struggling already, just for this GMAT preparation. How much time do I have to prepare? Not much. I was so bogged down by work I was left with so little proper time to study. Maybe I could have planned to take it later. I just didnt expect my stay in China to prolong. Geez...

Yeah, I know i have been out the most of this weekend. I could I have spent the time studying that's right but i miss SG so much I had to go out and fulfill my cravings for all the sg cuisines.

Thank you CC for driving me around the whole of SG today. Dinner was simple but great. I think it is going to get really really tough moving forward.

Work, relationships, studies, family, me time.

Gotta balance.

I just woke up from a 2 hour nap. I am setting aside time for a 4 hour practice test tonight before i head for bed. More practice and readings tom. BUT I have to drop by office. Man.. I am on leave lor.. But what to do... I received a call from China with regards to some screw ups... over with the bank problems. & the broker is coming down to the office.

TUE is my GMAT test!!!

Pray pray....

080808 + Peking Duck

I was so lucky!! I didnt know that I was actually taking A380 cos i checked in via the internet at around 2am on the day of my flight scheduled at 5pm. I was too tired to notice, otherwise, I would have put myself in the upper deck! How Cool!! and the lucky thing is we were on board the last A380 flight SQ scheduled for the Olympic crowd! Before that, I went to look for Shan jie. Went to her apartment and we had a quick lunch before she showed me the different places in Silk street in Beijing. The traffic in beijing was unusually clear. Our flight was pretty empty too. Guess what, my flight took off at 5pm and it touched down in sg at 1030. That was one of the fastest flights I have ever taken from BJ back. The pilot said we were 40 min ahead of schedule. No delays, not much turbulence too. But because of this flight, I missed watching the opening ceremony! One chinese passenger asked the crew if we could watch live telecast of the opening. Well, our aviation technology hasnt reached that point of advancement at this point of time. I was so so tired i zonked out after dinner. It's good to be home. One last battle before my BKK - GMAT!

MUAK

I love CC!!

Lunchie Alone

CC and YB left for Haiyang this morning. Leaving me to have lunch on my own in Yantai. That place is just 1.5 hr drive from here.

Anywayz... the lunch box today is 1.5/5.

Anyway, there has never been a 5/5. At the most, 3.5/5. So you can imagine...

I caught HANCOCK movie over the weekend. That was the first English movie we caught here. CC was always excited about watching that show. I rejected wongso back in SG cos i said I had to watch it with CC.

And so after we checked out the timing, we got the tickets. Well....

We were just in time for the show to start. BUT. The moment we heard Chinese background, CC's first reacton was, Oh SHIT, you wanna leave?

Haha... Well... I said, let's just watch and see.. although i felt very uncomfortable too.

And well, it was not that bad an experience afterall, to catch an ang mo show in Mandarin. Pretty nice.

I cant help but say this...

I miss AMK HUB.

Final Leap

Okae. No one is going to be able to stop me from completing everything i have on my list today. I no longer care nor can I afford to wait. Im going to put it out for all to see, if, at this point, you still do not want to be held responsible, or that you would like to join the crowd in waiting I am not going to care.

I guess my sort of "project manager" position requires that i be honed and be prepared for this. It doesnt matter what happens in between, because the sole reason of having a project manager is so that one person can liaise and sort things out with all the relevant parties when the PM has no actual authority. And that is the exact position that I am in.

I need to handover everything properly. Being stuck right in the middle of everything, 2 banks, 2 departments, 2 authorities and so many bosses. I cannot afford to let everything crumble. I have already come thus far!!

Plus, my motivation to complete everything today is so that i can start preparing for my GMAT. Tonight. Tom night. I dun have time anymore!!!

Friday is going to be fun i guess. Going to be travelling back to sg with CC and JO. HAha.. And i have just contacted Shan jie. We will be meeting up for lunch! CC can do his shopping, JO can get the things he was suppose to buy for his boss.

Friday is definitely worth celebrating because it marks the end of my share options slavery for the time being, and it is the beginning of my 1 week vacation!! After GMAT, im going to bangkok!

JY, if you are reading this, Im going to meet June and Pum for lunch in bkk!!! And you know what? We are meeting at Chula for lunch. HAahha... my Gai tord.... Oooooohhhhhh....

EXCITED!

Back, back to finish my mt everest pile of work, then I will be ready.

Oh, gotta share a silly silly analysis i did yesterday:
With the bad stomach I had, I ate like plain mini mantou and this corn porridge, with no sugar or much seasoning, you can imagine it being somewhat similar to tau suan, exactly the same visually, but instead of that "TAU", you replace it with corn. Yes. that for lunch. And guess what, YB was eating this Cod fish with pasta on those hot plate thingie that came sizzling hot... SIZZLING!!!.. And she was sitting right opp me. CC decided to eat century egg porridge, but then he had like 2 mini baskets of HAR GAO, 1 SIEW MAI, 1 pork ribs, Custard bun, mini plate of fried noodle, and this chillie-the kind in yong tau foo one...and he was beside me.

WE WERE SHARING A TABLE!! Of course, other than the fact that the mantou was really fresh and nice. That's all. And yes, I only ate like 1/4 of the corn porridge. And I was starring hard at the har gao, which CC constantly assured me it wasnt anywhere delicious but still, he did not stop eating. And he said the fried noodles smelled sour, still I see him put a lot of chilli and he was obviously enjoying his noodles.

I left earlier back to my room to rest. I was so so so so hungry at 6pm. I decided that if i were to wait for YB to dabao porridge for me, I will most likely die and faint. I woke up and went to my self made pantry. There were the cup noodles, the digestive biscuits and pringles.
Cup noodles, too much oil, and anyway the portion was too big, I cant possibly eat just noodles with hot water without adding the very oily seasoning so I decided, next.

The digestive biscuit was good except that it had milk contents inside and I dun think i wanna camp in the toilet for another night.

Pringles. I began to read the contents, potato, vegetable oil extract, salt... oh, when i saw the word salt, plus the fact that the other ingredients didnt seem as destructive, there I made my choice. Pringles. Salt is good because that was what my body needed with all the diarrhoea.

I chose original to keep things simple.

Haha.. that was one mini analysis i did yesterday. I can imagine how some of you must be thinking who eats potato chips while having stomach flu? But you see, i did do an analysis. hahah.. just to self console.

Anyway, I didnt make any more bathroom calls. I guess I survived!

A....gain

Stomach flu again...

Great, the last trip i had to transit beijing i kenna stomach flu also. Is it you chouchou? haha... Must be you.

Should i go see doc later = go to the hospital and go on drip

OR

Should i endure and see what happens as I continue to self medicate?

I cant believe I am exactly 7 days away from my GMAT.
And i cant believe as well, how ill prepared I am! ! ARGGhhhh

Still cant tie the loose ends up. I gotta leave this friday. Things have to get somewhere chinese folks! Time wait for no man.

SMILE...

Breathe

The first official deadline of things was over.

I am now clearing up some of the aftermath. I guess when if this was a pure finance job, i wouldnt have to be so worried now. But no, this is fundamentally a HR responsibility and so I i feel i owe it to the employees. I have to make them understand and be sure of every single thing that was laid out.

Things were never so intense and so challenging. I had to liaise first, with UBS, and then there are the brokerages, Kayhian and Vickers, and there was the indirect liaison with SAFE, the foreign exchange authority in China, not the end, this not so well known bank in china, the employees, yes, I mean the pure Chinese, of which i have to translate every single thing, especially the concept, in chinese, and we are talking about financial terms, and there is the tax part that I have to handle, make a quick decision because I didnt get it when the time was up. I also had to now make sure all the relevant bosses know and understand what they are checking when they put a signature or stamp on the relevant docs. Finally, to gel everything and also so that I can show everyone a clear picture of the whole process, I need to put everything prim and proper into those flowcharts, policies, etc. From SG, to Norway, to Switzerland to China, international ya?

And so none of the weekends since I arrived passed by without me having not to think about work. It got pretty bad this weekend cos I dreamt abt my colleagues, my boss and work for two consecutive nights. I didnt know if it was the indigestion or the stress or perhaps, both, I felt pretty nauseous and my stomach was so bloated. I hate this feeling.

I cant wait for this friday. 080808, opening of Beijing Olympics and guess what? I AM transiting the city for a quick peking duck and some shopping, not sure how much of the olympics experience i would get, but surely it is cute that I get to be "THERE" on the very day. I hope the airport doesnt screw us up and that it is safe for us to do what we wanna do, and most importantly, to have our flight bring us back safely, home.

Back to school

Take a 10 min break. Banter a little on some thoughts I hold right now.

You know how i used to get very good grades in sec sch...

And it is also in sec school, after an exchange program to thailand that my perspective in life began to change. I begin to realise that there is more to life than studying.

Come JC, i got more distracted. Relationships, diverse groups of friends, CCAs, heavy workload, the distance i had to travel everyday. I began to study lesser and lesser. I know Victoria wasnt an easy place that you could just scrap by with luck. You have got to work hard. I guess it didnt help that the people around me were all very smart too.

Uni, I guess my best grades in happened in two sems. One was the sem just before my godfather passed away. The other was my last sem after my internship. I grew up and i changed a lot during my 3.5 years in Uni. The internship changed my life too.

Haha... now that im going back to school again. Im really looking forward. Although i havent submitted my application. I think i would have to make a lot of sacrifices, especially financially and also personally, for the amount of time, money, effort and stress that i have to commit to taking up this masters and also to continue working. Im not sure if it is wise for me to start studying now. I mean i cant afford to fly and be away for as long as i did this year. But i really missed those days back in school studying.

Anyway, if i dun do this now, i dun think i would choose to do it anymore. Cos 2 years fits exactly into my career plans. I mean i dun have anything concrete now, but at least, the skeleton of it is so. I would like to relocate after this masters. Then i can concentrate on my career, maybe family too.

Not sure if I would be good in this.

Haha.. dun think so far, GMAT FIRST!!

And as the time bomb ticks along....

I feel like a dead parrot pestering people for things again and again. And do I have a choice? Let's see. I am not holding a senior post in which the appearance of my designation on people's email will ensure that people get back to me fast.

I am the only idiot rushing like mad and enduring the stress cos no one else cares.

I am emotionally drained, spiritually extremely stressed up because I am holding on to a time bomb. And i am entrusted to find my own means and ways, to ensure that it doesnt blow up.

Maybe I will run away on sat, 2nd Aug. I cant wait for all these to end.

Morale, all time low.

No support, no authority.

Yes I learn a lot. But i am not happy now. Im too tired of holding these big portfolios one after another. I need a break.

And for the past 8 months, have I been really doing things that I enjoy? I dun think so.

I cant wait to get out of this place. At least for today.

Im going to go for Good korean food after work. Go for a little stroll by the beach. Get some snacks. Sleep well.

I need a big bear hug.

Perhaps now is when things seem worst, and rest if i must but don't I quit!.

Don't Quit Poem by anonymous

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest! if you must; but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow;
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit;
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

Pissed off

I am stopped by the security guards again. For not having a pass to enter the yard. Well, why am i suffering because of a bunch of incapable craps who were hired, paid, not to complete their duties, to proudly announce what we, employees are suppose to do, how we are suppose to coorporate, only to find out later that, whatever I did, to make the effort to bring a photo to pass to the depts 1 month before my arrival, for according to them this will be passed to the china office to have my pass made, to realise not only was my pass not ready, that the HR here did not receive my photo at all. When i call back to request, i am greeted with a utmost rude WHY? WHY AM I ASKING FOR A SCANNED PHOTO OF ME? FOR WHAT? And well, after explaining, the photo of me that was sent earlier, WASNT EVEN THE ONE OF ME THAT I PASSED TO THEM!!!! IT was the one that the dept ALREADY HAD. SO WHY ASK ME TO PASS TO THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE??

And what pisses me off the most, is to have these guards at the gate, whom I thought we were pretty familiar already, since even out of so many guards, i actually already recognise a few and I am dead sure he recognises me, to pretend that he doesnt know me.

I am sick and tired of suffering in the hands of people who firstly, do not have a sense of responsibilty, who hold the utmost fucked up attitude despite their incompetencies and half the time not understanding what anybody is trying to say, who gives you the attitude of as if WE OWE it to them when we are instructed by higher management to CLEAR THEIR SHIT because of their incapabilities, and people whom are already in their early forties and keeps thinking that they have eaten salt more than I have eaten rice but they things they do, shows how little, if not non-existence, the amt of common sense they use/have.

Why do one thing so many times and cant get it done right, done once, once and for all?

and IF you are incapable, and you know that you have been screwed up because the boss has already screwed you MANY TIMES, and none of the people except your dogs havent been able to get along with you and also, have been screwing you and it was only because you didnt have the intelligence to identify and understand that people are ACTUALLY SCREWiNG YOU, why are you still staying in that position?

Didnt your mum ever impart the values of knowing when to feel ashame? NO shame??? SHAME.

What a monday morning.

From 幸福路 Xing Fu Street

I found a DVD compilation of all the "zombie" movies.. Remember Lin Zheng YING? yes, that whole series. Haha.. That was what I was watching every night starting two nights ago. However, I only finished one cos I couldnt keep myself awake to finish the first one. More to go. And unbelievably, that was the FIRST DVD that gave such quality graphics from the street lei. 8RMB we are talking about here... for 10 movies all in 1 DVD.

And from the same street, I bought 4 juicy sweet peaches for 2.9 RMB => $0.60 SGD. YEah the peaches dont look as good as those you see in Jasons or market place. I guess its more of the dirt that are stuck onto the hairy skin surface. I never intend to eat the skin anyway. Good deal huh!

Cant wait

Perhaps it is time to re-think my current career plans in life.

Work has been exceptionally draining today. More emotionally than physically.

I am tired.

Cant wait for everything to be over.

For those of you whom i didnt have time to inform. Im back in China!

Yeah. Now im trying very hard to study my GMAT during the weekends and well, after office hours.

Im praying for a smooth sailing trip, a successful launch of the system, and then i can go pack and return home & Spend a lot of time on GMAT, and then go for GMAT & Take care of my Masters application. Then i can go for my long-awaited and well-deserved holiday. All within 3 weeks.

No more nonsense. The earlier and faster i finish my work on hand, the more time and less stress i have for my GMAT. I am pretty happy with the KAPLAN GMAT book that i got. It is easy to understand, logical and i was surprised that it actually guides very well. I mean compared to those SAT books which i used to study, this is certainly a GUIDE rather than just a book full of practices, this is on the contrary, a WORK smart, study SMART book. It is important, especially for people like me who is rushing for time.

I didnt even bother to go stock up on any magazines nor bring any other books to read. GMAT GMAT.

One happy news over the weekend, although i was pretty badly tortured for a while. I lost weight!!! Dunno why, kenna mild food poisoning again. My stomach is weak. I thought after that mega gastrointestinal infection a few trips ago, i would have upped my immunity against all these bacteria. I never had any problems in Bangkok regardless of the amt of street food I ate. Now, even with all the precautions i take, i still fall victim to all these forever-mutating bacteria.

Not going to binge on food. Not going to snack unnecessarily. Going to play sports and work out. Yes. Even here. I brought my gear.

Work, study, play, sleep. Very important.

Where's my monkaayyy??

Stress Management

Got this card from my sis. I thought she wrote something for me haha, but no. This was it. That's alright. When i saw this card just now. Hiaz, i got a little emotional. I guess the stress now is really pretty intense.

Everything is important. Everything is due soon.

Im tired.

But I have to keep going. Keep going.

It's good. Im kind of touched. At least there is something to brighten up my day.

The "laksa" was pretty good. Although it tasted more like chicken soto with chilie. Considering that it was made from scratch. That was quite a commendable effort.

I cant wait for the authentic thai massage. I need one so badly now.

I have to push myself on. Finish up my proposal tonight or watch movie? But I know if i were to go sleep tonight without doing anything. Tom's going to be even more stressful for me.

Stress management is something i guess i havent quite mastered yet.

You see, i should relax, not think about work. At least for one day this weekend.

But, if i get to relax now, and tom i get double the stress that i would if i had done something today, is it still worthwhile to relax? Is stress management about knowing when to let go, when to rest? Or is it about finding ways to minimise stress and to reduce it even if there were no complete rest in between?

Or is it perhaps, striking a balance between those two points raised earlier? That is something i still havent quite got.

Countdown to my departure. With mixed feelings.

Oink Oink

My eyes are so going to close anytime.

No free lunch they say. Yes, no company will fork out $$ to pay for your air ticket without you having to slave your ass off. I am right now.

Im not sure how the light at the end of the tunnel would look like. I cant wait to see. It's always good have a very challenging goal right in front. Everyday time whizz by without me knowing. Excel excel and more excel. And constantly, the little window at the bottom right hand corner pops up to prompt a new email.

Workload is MAD.

GMAT is Mad.

All i want and need now...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..................

Very touched...

A hand made card, a soft piggy sprayed with I.M. perfume, and headphone+mic ear piece.

SMILE!!!

Im excited about the trip to bangkok. The last time i was there was 2 years ago. Ever since i started travelling and staying in China, any trip to any country other than China never fails to excite me.

Yes. Bangkok.

With non-other-than the fantabulous CHOU CHOU!!

Cant Wait. Cant Wait.

...ROSES...

SOUP RESTAURANT

Beary tired.
But Im glad i finished 1/infinite tasks on my plate now.
I have to work OT this weekend from home. Otherwise i will never be able to keep to the deadline.

I need to fly off by 24th July.
Gotta make a trip down to the China embassy this Monday. Thanks to Olympics!
I cant wait to get rid of the side dishes so that i can concentrate on my main dish all so that I can enjoy my desserts.

I have started on my GMAT practises. Haha... It's a lot better than SAT i feel. As in the type of questions, the analysis and the way candidates are tested. It involves a lot of logic. Composure, stamina and a clear mind are keys to performing well. Of course, that is on the assumption that there were good preparation done before hand. That is the part im working really hard right now.

Time is running out. I gotta race through the month of July with all the work on hand, biggest delivery for the year in Aug 1, and concurrently prepare for my GMAT. And it doesnt help i guess to have one business trip from now till my test day. No way am I going to miss this test man. I paid $350 SGD for it.

I was back at the Orchard hotel swimming pool last night. It's been ages since i last made a trip there. I felt really good and of course, extremely exhausted after the swim. Time to keep the body going. For some strange reasons, work didnt get off my mind even when i was swimming. I guess that explains the more-severe-than-usual stiff neck that i am suffering now.

I had dinner with wongso at SOUP restaurant. A call for a tiny celebration!

I love the Samsui Chicken. Wrap it in the lettuce and add some of the ginger sauce + cucumber. OOOOOHHHHHHH.....

The price is a little steep but given the quality of food. It is pretty worth it!

Home bound

I think i spent more time at home this week than I did the past 2 months.

Im kind of bored, but at the same time, im enjoying the tranquility.

No need to rush for anything. Own time. Own Target.

Discipline hasnt set in yet. To finish up work and also get started on GMAT.

The balancing Act

I was off the optimal point and i toppled today.

Im never going to check email ever again on the day of my MC nor during weekends. I think MC is the worst. Cos i got my blood pressure shooting up high and the thought of all the unfinished work and endless deadlines made me into a cranky kid today.

So crankly. Highly irritable.

And so, after dinner, i finally decided to let go of work. Totally let go. I dun care anymore. At least no outside office hours. Since im not given any blackberrys.. it simply means i am not accountable for anything outside the official hours. And I definitely think that is a blessing.

Anyway... Im planning hard for my next trip to the land of smiles. Finally after 2 years!

Will get started on my GMAT today. Going to pump in 2 hours.

GREAT!

Breath.. breath... keep breathing...

sick pig

Yes, after the last visit to the doc abt 2 months back, i thought i would be able to live dr-free for a while.

Not for long. Im back to the clinic today. Got myself 1 day MC. FLU attack.

I have so much things to do on hand. My GMAT cannot wait le~!! I need to get myself tied to the table and chair to finish a 4-hour online diagnostic test. And I have been trying to get myself to do that for the past one month. So far, i never succeed.

Im in a dilemma now. Finish work? or study GMAT? I know, sleep and rest first. But after that leh?

Not enough time. Not enough time.

Gotta prepare very hard for this. The system must be up and running. I have to run back to china to implement it. and i need to prepare for my GMAT. And i have 1 month.

Sigh

LeSportSac

The story behind this bag. Hahah... Try a little bit harder next time BB. It was a great attempt nonetheless. i love this bag!! Thank you!

I was in the shop to get a small sling bag for mummy. Haha.. in the end i went home with 2 bags.

By the way, koreans love LeSportSac. That was an observation and from experience (JY!).

Anyway.. Mummy sent out the GOLDEN INVITATION!! HOME FOR DINNER.

HAha.. something you have been waiting for quite sometime. I guess you have scored pretty well so far. Good job BB.