Zombified shi

Im so tired. Arrghh

Hmm... I need a beach getaway real soon. I need to run into the sea of blue water, ride the waves, look at the hills nearby, lay on the sand on the beach that is white and so fine, it is so mild on the skin. I need to jus get away, like the way i did last year at Koh Chang. And JY, I really miss you! I had authentic korean cuisine for dinner tonight. I remember how you used to wrap your fried egg and squeeze some bi bim bap sauce with the lettuce and eat it with rice, every thing that relates to korea reminds me of you.

I hope and pray, that I can be there to meet you again this Xmas in Seoul. And hopefully I get a white Xmas!

I left the office at 215am this morning. I was back at the office at 915am. And it was non stop hits all the way.

The dinner was truly fabulous. Arrgghh... superb!

And we just kept shopping. And shopping. And shopping.

I was a little disappointed that the shoe that I had been eyeing ran out of my size... And so I went to shop around for more. Once again, I bought a pair of green shoes. Yes, it is so me, tracy i can imagine your face, shi and green again!! Ahah

I think this post will be very disorientated. My thoughts are like all over the place. Im sorry, this is a highly overworked brain that we are talking about here.

I think i will do a better post tom or so.

I better go before I start blabbering nonsense.

Vanilla

I slept through most of today, trying to recover from the partying last night. It was a darn fun one and I finally got to know like a lot of those people i used to also see in school, and we have like been seeing each other around for more than 3 years yet we never had the opportunity to introduce ourselves and say Hi. And yesterday was the day.

There was this closeness I felt. I am really happy and the peeps were really fun loving and definitely cute and beary full of crap.

Most of them went straight from prom night at Ritz, I didnt join them cos I thought I would have to work today. But I guess the real fun started at zouk, it is just that i know I have missed out seeing the familiar faces, going through all the thick and thin with everyone, rushing for all the projects, all the late nights, all the meetings, all the dark rings. But at the end of the day, we do feel close as a family.

I miss school. I love school. I am happy to see and have met them. It is funny how we all began to really start talking more to each other, as in like those we always see but never ever speak to each other, the aquaintences, only after graduation. Somehow when we are out there, we all still feel very attached to the smu community.

The group yesterday, apart from sy, consist of people whom I never hang out with at all in school. It is pretty farnie how I begin to start knowing more people from school after graduation.

Anyhow. It was pure fun.

On my way to meet JC for dinner, I stopped at cheers at YCK MRT. I chanced upon this new magazine - Vanilla. I never really quite know what the content or the target of the magazine was for. Since it was new, and I guess I was pretty tired of all the Her world, Cleo, and Shape, I decided to give it a try.

And I have to say, this would certainly be a must read magazine for me from here on. I love the content of this magazine. They bring out the strength in woman, they bring out the multiple roles which are very much still being shaped even at this point in time that woman play in the society. They talk about fashion, travel, high life, family, feminist stuff, work and sports.

I never was so engrossed in all the articles of one magazine before.

This is a good read.

As I very often think about my life, now, and in the future, I am always in search of motivation for other ladies around. And I think this is a great magazine that has been created for this purpose.

Let me share their quote of the month, which I am beginning to see for myself the accuracy of it: "Its a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."

Dinner was absolutely impromptu again for me today. But the dinner + shopping after that with JC today was fantabulous. I am always very tickled by the way she speaks, her straightforwardness, her unpretentious nature and her relentless quest to walk into every shop that is open even at 1030pm on a sunday night.

I found a pair of really gorgeous black heels with gold linings. I hope the salesgirl is able to transfer my size over to me. Im running out of shoes, and certainly, black shoes. I am going to pamper myself and start loving myself more. Spiritually, physically and emotionally.

Gonna stay happy. and hopefully, be able to bring happiness to all around me too!

@ Pump Room

Hmm... Forgot to take a pic with Jiani who was with us as well. HAha.. Im always happy to catch up with them. Qin MEI!! We are all missing you so much from SG. Cant wait for you to be back from GZ.

More pics to come from my SMU Party! Stay tuned

cool

Will find out what i want exactly first.

Shall tend to the occasional tantrums that is becoming more and more frequent. It was more of an outcome of me losing gripe on my expectations management.

I edited this post sort of 3 times. Haha...

But each time it just gets better.

Thank you for that 1.5 hr of consulation!

Me. Myself. I

Impressed!!

Haha... And I am every bit impressed with his mannerism, his etiquette, his language and his pride as a guy.

Very gentleman! I never expect that the first guy to really impress me so much would turn out to be a taiwanese. Im not saying that I never expect taiwanese guy to be gentlemanly, im saying that I never expect that the first nationality to truly impressed me would be a taiwanese.

I never even have the chance to touch the car door.

He would open it for me, wait for me to get in patiently, no matter how long I take and then later on he would close it for me.

And even when I reach my place, he would get out of the car, open my door for me, wait for me to get out, and then close the door for me.

He refuse to let me pay after the meal. Even when he has run out of cash and even when it means that if he were to use his credit card, he would have to pay extra charge since his is an overseas card, he insisted and refused to let me pay.

He respects my decision totally to go home and not go night safari. Most guy would respect i know but the way he handled it was really impressive.

Wow... Wake up, the guys who are guilty or never doing any of the above, wake up.

Hmm... How do i put it, I am not someone who would expect my guy tp do all these for me. It is just that I never experienced someone with such desired traits or made me feel so priviledged to be a lady before. HAha...

I am beginning to remember why I never really was impressed with SG guys once again. I know a lot of SG guys would wanna refute, debate, and just fight to say that they do not belong to this "boring" and "non-gentlemanly" group. HAha.. Well, all that I can say is that, once you get out of this red dot, and you start seeing how other man treat their lady, it is high time you review the way you have been treating yours.

DO NOT misunderstand, I am not suffering from any form of ill-treatment by man. I am not full of angst either, I am just sharing some thoughts and experience that I have with guys of such great mannerism so that you girls out there are aware that these kind of guys do exist.

And lastly, the guy is pretty cute and tall. Haha.. quite a rare gem ya?

But ok la, these are all that I experienced from someone whom I only met for 4 hours.

Very impressed.

If not for the work, I would have definitely agreed to go Night safari.

Till the next time I set foot on Taipei, which is about at least a year from now, I dun think we will meet again!

Bon Voyage Alex!!

Happie

Ohh... Thank you for waiting for me to finish my work for so long. I wanted to meet at 7pm, but I pushed to 830, and I ended up only meeting you at 930. I thought you would be pissed mad. I could almost imagine you wanting to kill me. But you didnt. Heh...

It's a nice and peaceful monday, despite the race I had at work, I thought my time today was not only fulfilling, it was a little exciting and definitely Happie.

I'm Happy for you.

Thank you for the office tour.

I see that sparkle in your eyes. Haha... May you become your BM one day.

I'm not sure if you would even be reading this entry. I am not sure about a lot of things and frankly, there are a lot of things which, if I were to start thinking and ponder over, I would reach a stage of standstill. I guess at this point in time, I would just say that I am trulyhappy. And I am enjoying every bit of it. I guess because I no longer hold so tightly, I am now able to get less affected and enjoy more.

I guess this happiness came right from the bottom of my heart.

I feel it. I enjoy it.

Im really happy for you.

Next destination

I cleared my wardrobe! Finally!

And I cleared 7kg worth of clothes out. More space, less obstructions. Happy.

And now, before I sleep, I thought about my next holiday destination.
But before that, I need to save up a bit first. Each time I travel, I burn a hole in my pocket.

Anyway, I really hope for a trip to china soon. I suspect that YT would be my next destination. Very soon. I just need to get out of this place for a while. I need to recharge my lungs with air from other country.

Wooo... the thought of me sipping away my warm hazelnut milk at the airport... Hmmm... Today I just packed all my winter jacket into my hugeass luggage.

I hope to be able to go YT this year end. And I hope that it will snow too!! That will be a nice Xmas pressie!!!

Next year, prolly xmas, or depending on my schedule, I shall drop by seoul!! Okok, before I go so far, I need to plan another trip. I would like to celebrate my birthday outside SG next year.

Not sure where i should go. Im trying not to go back to bkk, though I seriously miss the food, the massage, the shopping and all my friends there. Maybe Taiwan is a good idea. Hmmm....

Who wants to travel with me???

~ on a spiritual struggle and a natural resistance to change~

Work so hard for what?

Work everyday for what?

I used to think that such questions will only linger in the mind of people who doesnt enjoy their job. BUT, I was wrong.

I love my job. Yet, after having spend more time in the office than I do at home, after spending more time getting things right managing my work in the office yet spending no time and with total neglect to my room, (which is of no surprise, it is in a huge mess again) I decided, I need to get things right at home.

TODAY.

I will clear my wardrobe. I added two newbies to my wardrobe yesterday and Im happy. I havent been shopping much these days cos I end up being at the men's department more than the ladies' department the past few weekends. And on weekdays, I never was a able to find the time to shop and even if i did during lunch time, I end up having no time to try on and make an informed and proper decision when it comes to shopping and therefore i ended up not buying cos I am not someone who will buy on impulse, unless it is absolutely cheap.

And seriously, I cant help but have these thoughts on my head, especially on sundays, when I have more time for myself. Time flies by me everyday. For all I know, I would be 25, 27, 29 in no time! And what would I have achieved by then in terms of my personal life? Im not sure man, if I were to pass everyday, every week, every month like that, I will lose myself very soon.

Yesterday on my cab to work, which I dread on saturdays cos the cab journey takes very long, and I end up being car sick, I past by Balmoral plaza. Memories of many years back flooded my mind, when I used to hang out a lot in that area during my college days. And I remember how I would share the chicken porridge with the baby(grown up to be this tall tall girl now) back then, hang out at that area, after school. Sometimes I even go to school from there, wearing my JC uniform, crossing the bridge to take bus to orchard and from there all the way to school. And how we used to drive out to newton circus to da bao supper. Things were simpler, baby was cute, and i would sometimes go swim at the pool too.

Looking at now, hmm.. well....

I have this feeling deep inside, I know, very well, that certain things are simply transient. I guess the fundamental difference is too great, I feel the strain and the stress of the great obstacle ahead. I plucked up courage once to go against all odds, but I am certain, I wont have that kind of courage anytime soon to do the same thing.

Maybe I shouldnt even feel or think about it. Just let things be and see how they fall into place. I am tired. Seriously tired.

Yet I wont say that I am not happy with things at this point in time. I enjoy it. Just that a lot of it wasnt how I would want it to be and I guess my attempts to change things in the past and even running away were futile. Maybe I am accepting it, Maybe I have changed myself and the last reason, which I hope very much is not my case is that, maybe, I have already reached a stage of oblivion.

Maybe I feel the way I do now because I am not loving myself enough. And so there is this certain kind of conflict. When I have put everything else above me, and at the end of the day I am the one who feels empty, yet I cant really change how things are cos this is very much me, I will end up like that.

HMM....

Haha... I think writing a blog does help. I just put my thoughts down. I just let it flow. And because I have to process them in my head, and step 2, I have to put them into proper sentences when i type, I guess I am able to rationalise them.

It might not make sense to the readers, the readers may have their own interpretation of what I mean, but I guess it doesnt matter cos what I am trying to achieve here is not just putting down my thoughts, is to enjoy and benefit from the process of doing so.

Never mind if you are lost.

~ on a spiritual struggle and a natural resistance to change~

Last sunday at Naresh's place With NAMASTE!

It was supposed to be a pool party. We got "REPRIMANDED " by Anil for not turning up in our Bikinis... Haha.. and according to Anil, "Next time if you dont have your swimwear then you'll get a sip of Coke and 1 piece of BURNT sausage and will be politely asked to leave. hahahahah. I keed I keed. you know i got love for ya'll ;-)"

Haha... It was a nice chill out by the pool, while we munch away nicely bbq wings and sausages. The red wine was excellent too. I Love the Namaste team!!

WANT TO BE ANOTHER REGALIA!!

I would certainly want to put on a regalia again!!!

I shall go for my masters, most probably an MBA after say at least 5 years from now.

I saw this interesting MBA program - oneMBA. Read about this program from this link: http://www.mba-courses.com/onemba.htm

Perhaps I am looking a bit too far... but I am certainly going to embark on a journey of life-long learning.

I was thinking, if SMU were to come up with an MBA program, which I believe will certainly take place in the near future, and If I am not going overseas to take my MBA, certainly out of all the local uni, I will definitely go back to SMU. I believe and am extremely happy to have gone through such an education system and I have pretty strong faith in the faculty teaching the masters students. I do not mind going back seriously. But of course, at the end of the day, I would have to think about the objective of my getting an MBA.

Im not near there yet.

Right now, ISO, get a foundation diploma in Shipbroking, then later on perhaps I would go for my FICS. Also, CFA. And then I guess I would be pretty done and ready for an MBA.

Life is exciting!

Commencement 2007

Its commencement tom.. Tribute

~Wongso ~
You ARE the FIRST and MOST IMPORTANT person in my life, at least, my SMU life. My journey in SMU would never be the same without you. I really am very happy that we can go on a symbolic end together tom. You mean a lot to me. Days in SMU was different, was better, was great because you were around for me always. ALWAYS. Even today.

I got my First A+ because of you. And You always help me in my work, projects, was there whenever I was down, was my lunch kaki, dinner kaki, go home kaki.

We have been through a lot. a HELL lot. You have no idea how grateful and blessed I feel to be able to still maintain such a great relationship with you even till this point in time.

We hardly meet each other these days because of work, but your daily "Morning Shi" never fails to brighten up my day. And you know how much and how eager I am to learn about the shipping industry, especially your line of work now, you constantly "SPAM" my inbox with your updates, research reports and basically all the info you need.

Even at this point, after graduation, you still offer to teach me the technical stuff in chartering. To conduct "tuition" for me when I am less tied up with my current projects.

You taught me a lot about life. I guess my entrance and my exit to your life both made an impact too.

Remember when we first met, you were some sua ku RI BOY. Who only knows how to go school and go home play game. Look at you now. Hmmm..... Not that it was my efforts, but certainly I think you are no longer the wongso that I used to know. Certainly a far cry from the Wongso I FIRST Met.

Thank you for being there for me whenever I was down. Your constant msges, calls, reassurances, consolations, encouragements certainly provided a strong pillar for me to tide through all the down times.

You taught me religion with your vast knowledge. Not specific to one but the way to embrace religion as a whole.

You taught me the big values and life theories, closely linked to religion. You not only taught me how to give, you showed me how to give.

I am who I am today because of you. I am happy to be who I am today certainly.

We had one graduation together. This is the 2nd one!

I cannot imagine life without you certainly. The role you play in my life is beyond what I can ever ask from anyone. Thank you. And it was all so great because I never asked for all these and you just made them happen.

It is also quite amazing at how we seldom argue, but when we actually do get mad at each other for some silly issues that both of us are facing together, we can just talk out of it, we resolve it and the relationship became stronger.

You have a PERFECT understanding of me. That is incredible. Well.. that would also mean taht you seriously cant run away should I need any advice.

THANK YOU WONGSO.

You touched my life in the most incredible way, for the longest time...

When the next second is a gift

Every breath she took was like a half normal breath.

She struggled through each breath using all the remaining lung and stomach strength.

When she took half a second break in between each breath, and her chest stopped expanding for that moment, my heart stopped too, fearing that those balloons would not work again.

And that anticipation certainly pushed me out of my comfort zone.

The greyish face colour. The sunken cheeks. The half opened eyes. All the results of the morphine.

She wanted to speak. No words came out. The best she could do was to move her lips and lift her right hand. That was all.

We ccouldnt make out what she wanted. Neither could we understand what she needed.

Holding her lightly chilled hands, tears welled up my eyes.

I tried to keep it down. But that one drop escaped. I had to wipe it away fast, not allowing myself to let her see me tear.

The anticipation took away every bit of composure within me. As much as I do not want to see her suffer so much, I feared that she did not make it to the next second.

I look at my life now.

Shall not hold back anything anymore. There is nothing worth worrying or upset about.
Love should be expressed, enjoyed and not suppressed. Life is just so unpredictable we just have to live each moment as if it was the last.

As I was lamenting about giving and giving the last entry, I think I would stick to it once again. It doesnt matter if I do not receive anymore. I shall lead a life with me giving the best of me to everyone around.

We never will know when that opportunity may become a luxury.

I take a deep breath, feeling really blessed that I can do so effortlessly.

And I am thankful for each of the next second that comes along, for me to build and fulfill my dreams and to share the greatest love with the people around.

It's time

I think I need to listen to myself more. I am weak on this aspect. I always try to think about how others feel and at the end of the day I neglect myself.

I think I need to understand and know the fine line between being compassionate and compromising my own needs and well being.

Sigh. I hate it whenever I am faced with such issues.

I feel like a fool. A little disappointment. Certainly hurt.

Maybe she is right.

But I need the strength to move that way.

Maybe I will, eventually.

Giving and giving and giving sucks.

Forlorn. Drained.

When will the day come? Guess it is high time I wake upself up from this constant, blinding and certainly silent reverie.

Im sure I will meet the angels soon. With their arms wide open for me.

I see.

I love doing what I'm doin

Today I shall organise a nice entry for all of you. Nice as in not the aesthetic but the content of my entry. You all might have read this from the net. But haha.. My beloved HY sent it to me today during work and it was quite a nice little break.

A STORE THT SELLS NEW HUSBANDS

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice', she thinks, 'but I want more.' so she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Sorry but I think I have to disagree with the line in green. It should be: "This floor exists solely as proof that such men merely do not exist."


Today is my day 2 in the new department and I am already lovin' it. It doesnt matter that I have to work for more than 12 hours. The environment was truly condusive. I Love my boss. Nope, bosses. Haha... It's a nice surprise to receive these nice little msges while im hard at work and thank god my bosses are funny and their sense of humor do make things a lot easier.

No doubt, Im a company slave. But I truly enjoy doing what I am doing now. I feel that I am advancing, it doesnt matter the speed of my advancement. At least for now, things are within my control.

I have confirmed that I am a true-blue workaholic.

I am enjoying my work so much that I seriously dun mind staying back, I dun mind the long hours, I simply just enjoy what I am doing.

Certainly I am a lot happier than the week before when my stress brought along with it the very bad gastric.

I feel really blessed.

A big thank you to all the wonderful friends who always keep me company via msn. Haha.. I even have like regular friends who will talk to me at specific times.

Maybe cos I think I have been through one of the worst times, I survived. Gladly.

Cant wait for saturday.

Weee..........

Lovin it

Im loving the sushi teis...

Im loving the Lau pa Sat...

Im loving the pepper steak lunch...

Im loving the jumbo seafood...

Im loving the cafe cartel...

Im loving the fish n Co...

Im happie. Pretty happie. It feels different. And It feels good. Once again. For the longest time.

It's time to let go

I have been sleeping a lot and thinking a lot too.

I have neglected myself so much, i think it is high time I get myself together once again.

I started the day off reading the biz times weekend on my train to school today. I never had the energy to enjoy news and so for the longest time, I felt so ignorant and so out of the world. I love this feeling I had today.

Met wongso for lunch, him and his usual crap. The lunch was simple, like he always insisted. But it was good.. It's been a long while since we last met up. I just had to update him on things that are happening in my life. Thank you for waiting for 1 hour plus for me. Well... everytime when i ask him if I have lost weight, if I look ok, etc etc... all the usual questions girls like to ask... he will automatically give me an answer that is so well prepared... I always doubt the credibility of his replies. But haha... what to do, he understands me so well he will always switch to the "shi" mode and have everything tuned to my channel. I guess that was the main reason why I can never stop talking to him.

We went to school. I love and miss school. REally. It was truly heart warming to be back at the campus. It is pretty strange... that these new buildings bring so much memories back. And I was just elated to see everybody again. I miss all of you! Not sure if I will be going for grad night cos everyone cant seem to decide.

Hmm... collected the gown. Pledge some money to the alumni funds, bought the Harry Porter tickets at a steal!!! Haha... Cant wait to catch the show and cant wait to see and mingle with everyone during the dinner.

I tried shopping for office pants but seriously, I couldnt bring myself to buy something that I never felt that they were what I wanted even though they were on sale.

Wongso, that salsa competition did lift my spirits a bit. You made me feel like going back to taking up the proper salsa class. I think I wanna just join in your Union square outings next time. Bring me ok? I think I will be happy just watching you guys dance.

Pot luck @ tracy's was great. THANK YOU TRACY! By the way, I love listening to the speeches given by your papa. I felt really a lot motivated after hearing him speak. He reminded me of someone whom I totally respect and who used to give speeches this way too.

The make up was fun and seriously, after so many years, this is the few times that I actually got to know Jaz better.

Thank you Adrian for the ride to and fro.. haha... That saved me quite a bit of cab fare cos tracy, there is no one time in which i can travel to your place without taking a cab.

ANYWAYs...

I have decided to close the last chapter of my life. I am looking forward to the next. I am going to spend more time with myself, hearing my own needs and attending to them.

I am going to let go of a lot of things. I have seriously decided to change my priorities.

That night, after holding her hands tightly with one hand and supporting the ice bag on her forehead on the other... and looking at the way she was panting... I felt peace. I was ultra stress just 30 min ago before arrived at the hospital, I was still struggling with my gastric and I was close to tears at home. But from that moment on, I felt peace. I began to see how insignificant a lot of the things that I was holding on were. I went home that very day, at around 4 plus in the morning. I slept. I had the best sleep in weeks. It was a few short hours but I woke up, refreshed.

I thank M sincerely for being one of the key mentors that has changed my life. It doesnt take one long to differentiate and feel to know when a person is treating you with sincerity and when people are merely taking you for granted.

When I give my best and my heart, I expect equal treatment. But one lesson that I have learnt after going through the hard way is, that I shouldnt hold such expectations anymore because I would end up in mere disappointment and this is totally not worth it. I am however, not going to change the way I treat people because I do not think that it is my style to take everyone for granted and only putting myself at top priority all the time. That is not me.

I have lost a lot of my vision along the way the past three months but I am glad they are coming back to me slowly. I am glad that I am beginning to hear the voice of shi again. I am going to build that movitation level up again. Impossibility is no longer going to stay and I shall and will ensure that this lesson learnt is going to make me a stronger player and I want to win the game at the end of the day.

I have been holding on to too many things and issues which I think it is high time I start letting go. I have tried my best and put some of these interests, in fact, all of these interests above my self. However, I realised that it is time to let go now.

I shall not settle for less.

I will get there one day.

In the meantime, I will embrace my life with passion and motivation and live my life the way I deem to be the best too. I shall get religion back into my life as I think I have lost focus once again.

Wisdom and compassion is key. Shall not allow myself to be bounded by the sufferings as a result of my own ignorance and the clutching on to issues that I should have let go since a long time ago...

Thank you

"Not everything comes with a price. Friendships. Love is priceless. Look around... we are all there for you. so. Dun think too much,. Look at the bright side. Good night! Sleep well."


"Oh no.. Hope everything will be ok.. Can call me anytime. even late at night.."


"I'll be here k? Can always msg or call me tonight. On alert all night for you. Be strong for her k?"


Life is beautiful when you have loved ones around you showing you how much and how far they are willing to go for you whenever you are down.

The reassurance, the spiritual support, the willingness to give and the genuine care... Thank you peeps!

Thank you for telling me that you will be on alert all night for me. Thank you for telling me that you will always be on standby for me and all I need is to give you a ring. Thank you for volunteering to dabao food for me. Thank you for volunteering to buy me porridge and send it straight to my doorstep immediately after knowing that I was sick, and I got to choose chicken or fish. Haha...

I am really happy to have you, you and you.

And you, I know I can always count on you. At my lowest point, at the toughest times, the support, the calls, the reassurance... that is something I will hold very dearly to my heart. Thank you. Not only have you shown me love of this nature, you have also taught me how to love and how to show love. That selfless care and concern is the strongest pillar of support really.

Thank you.

Thank you

Sy thanks for the SMS. That was like IMMEDIATE.

ESMA, thanks for the email all the way from Amsterdam.

I didnt mean to scare you all and I didnt realise I sounded so bad.

I guess my emotional and physical system had both sort of failed last night and the last few days.

I guess I have been giving and giving I lost sight of my own needs and subconsiously, I was so stressed up I ended up with gastritis.

I will rest and keep moving on with my work. Putting it aside doesnt make sense here cos that is the source of my stress. If I dun address it, I will never feel less stressful.

I want the result. I see the result. I have to make it happen. I will do it at my pace, and focus properly.

I miss you girlies... And sy.. you are the FIRST GIRL to offer to da bao food for me you know?? hahah.... You just broke my record.

I havent talked to you for so long too sy... We meet up soon ok?

ESMA, Thank you for the email. I hope that whatever that that is left of me can still help you a little... There is light at the end of the tunnel!! WE shall both walk together, just that they are different tunnels and i am sure we will see each other in light soon!

Arrggghh

I never felt stress this way before. My gastritis is killing me. I happen to also have a blocked nose, sore throat, headache and cough. I cant even sit up straight now. Im like curled up on my mattress, typing an entry cos my hair is still wet from the shower.

Something is very wrong with me and me life. I think deep inside me there is something that I have been trying very hard to hide, or to get rid of, there is something holding me back. Since there are more than one issues, I guess this is the result of it all.

I cannot take it anymore seriously. I need to get away.

Where is my hug when i need it?

Where is the support when i yearn for just a tiny little bit?

Of all people, stress has to come from you.

Yeah, some people tell me they will always be there for me, but I dare not go to them because nothing in this world is free. There is a price to pay certainly and I dun think I am in any way ready to pay that price.

But certainly that thought has crossed my mind.

I have not been sleeping well these days. It is bad..

I stay semi conscious for a long while and before I know it, it is time to get up for work.

I have to let go, be it work, or any other issues, I have to let go. My body says so. I have to.

I dunno when this will end.

Bring me to a faraway land where there is love so strong, so warm and so real, I would never want to be anywhere else again...

LinZhi's wedding... More to share

Nostalgia

Hmm... Tracy, Chris, Tarn, Nas, Shuyi, shall we ??

We have to get the tickets soon!!

It's at Ritz Carlton... Should be fun!! We can all go Party ra ra after that! Haha... One whacky time... HOW?

I dun think we can form a table. Wongso, Sy, Meibin, Adrian Quek... COME JOIN US!!!

I LOVE SMU. I LOVE ALL OF YOU!