After the last entry, I drifted into dreamland for a good 4 hours.
I did what I used to do for years, but havent done in a very long time. I went to the coffee shop opp to da bao dinner. It's kind of sad that my market got burnt down and for quite a while, I wont be able to eat my fried oyster, sambal sting ray, satay and cheng teng.
I cleaned up my room and chatted with mummy a bit. I showed mummy the Raoul halter dress that I got during the recent sale. It was such a steal!! U.P: $299. I got it for? $30. It's a tad too long but it's ok. I can always run to tailor wong's shop and get him to do the alterations for me. That kind of fabric, design and style... I didnt even think and I paid for it.
While tidying up my bookshelf, I chanced upon my journal for the Namaste trip. I started flipping through and reading each and every entry. I think i will type them into soft copies and get them printed out nicely so that I can show it to my grand children next time. Im going to do that for my blog also. Especially my exchange trip. AHHA.. JI YOON!! Imagine our grandchildren playing together, either we all gather to eat kim chih in korea, or savour friend carrot cake in SG and us sharing our exchange stories with them. Haha. That will be good fun!
Oh well, I have got no choice but to start working on the stack of things that I brought home last friday. The to-do list that I had to come up with because I will not be in town for the next 9 days is crucial for me to settle as much as I can tomorrow before I leave on Tuesday. And it didnt help much that I was on course last thur and friday.
I am stressed up because I HAVE to balance my life. I have to squeeze out time for everything and everyone as much as I can. And That includes myself.
As such, the number one thing that I have always been trying to maintain and of which there will be no compromise whatsoever, is the fact that i have sufficient sleep.
Alrightey, from not happy, to a state of tranquility, I rest my agony of the day.
he is wise who knows others
he who knows himself is enlightened
he is strong who conquers others
he who conquers himself is mighty
~TAO TE CHING~
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Not Happy
I need sleep. Badly.
Im not really happy at this point of time. Im not sure if it was the weather, the lack of sleep, the work stress, the constant expectations management that I have to do for both others and myself, my inability to put across how I feel properly, the fact that I havent packed and the fact that I cant bring myself to pack, the uncertainty that lies ahead, the fact that gaps and differences are surfacing, or simply the because I havent spent enough ME time these days.
I feel that I have neglected myself. I havent been tending to my needs and havent been listening to that inner voice too.
I am really drained emotionally.
Thank you for talking to me on the phone while you were at the platform waiting for the train. And because you wanted to make sure that I get the advise that I need, you ignored the fact that 10 trains have passed. You just continued talking to me, explaining to me, listening to me, and just rationalising to me why I feel unhappy. I really appreciate that.
You said Icant always just load up issues in my heart and when I reach the saturation point, I sink into some mini depression and would require immediate and intense consultation to empty the load before I can move on again.
I would like to, and I am learning to unload as issues surface, not keep them within me until I reach my threshold. It is not easy because this is my character and I have been programmed to think and lead my life this way. It's time for change.
It's time to do a major overhaul of things at this juncture.
I need a break badly.
Im not really happy at this point of time. Im not sure if it was the weather, the lack of sleep, the work stress, the constant expectations management that I have to do for both others and myself, my inability to put across how I feel properly, the fact that I havent packed and the fact that I cant bring myself to pack, the uncertainty that lies ahead, the fact that gaps and differences are surfacing, or simply the because I havent spent enough ME time these days.
I feel that I have neglected myself. I havent been tending to my needs and havent been listening to that inner voice too.
I am really drained emotionally.
Thank you for talking to me on the phone while you were at the platform waiting for the train. And because you wanted to make sure that I get the advise that I need, you ignored the fact that 10 trains have passed. You just continued talking to me, explaining to me, listening to me, and just rationalising to me why I feel unhappy. I really appreciate that.
You said Icant always just load up issues in my heart and when I reach the saturation point, I sink into some mini depression and would require immediate and intense consultation to empty the load before I can move on again.
I would like to, and I am learning to unload as issues surface, not keep them within me until I reach my threshold. It is not easy because this is my character and I have been programmed to think and lead my life this way. It's time for change.
It's time to do a major overhaul of things at this juncture.
I need a break badly.
Monday, October 22, 2007
4 weekends left
I have only about 4 weekends left to be spent in singapore for this year.
Catch me peeps! Catch ME!!
2 more trips to PRC - One for about 7 days, another one for 5 weeks.
I do look forward to the 5-weeks trip. It's going to be pretty fun hanging out with a group of 12 young peeps around my age and also to undergo training with one of the great mentors i have in the company.
I have to manage whatever i have started in SG office from abroad. That is why I am working pretty intensely to get as much things going and cleared as possible so that there is less to be settled later on.
I make sure that I leave the office not later than 7 these days. Work will always be there and if I dun strike a balance, I will not be able to accomplish much as a person, on the whole. This is especially so since my work requires me to travel intensely these days. I need time for myself, my friends and my family.
I have chosen SWORD B. Im happy with my decision although I still am not sure if that is really where I will be heading. Like the way things have been falling into place somehow for me the past 9 months, Im not going to worry because I know Im in good hands.
Ji Yoon...
It's been a long long while since we last met and got together. Im really excited about spending Xmas in Seoul!! Arrrghhh... I can imagine how we both will just chat and chat non stop about anything and everything... LAugh over the silliest thing on earth. And finally I get to meet ya mum in person! I miss her cooking SERIOUSLY!!
Im not sure if it will snow in Seoul this Xmas. I have never seen snow in my life but im looking forward to having a white Xmas!
I may not blog much after I start my 5 week trip in PRC because I wont be able to see what i blog and I dun really like that.
Anyway, I treasure each and every day that I spend in Singapore for now.
Today is one of the rare times that I actually got home before 830pm.
Sleep is darn important and I will ensure that I have sufficient sleep.
My happiness level is inversely proportional to my sleep debt.
HAPPIE happie for now!
Catch me peeps! Catch ME!!
2 more trips to PRC - One for about 7 days, another one for 5 weeks.
I do look forward to the 5-weeks trip. It's going to be pretty fun hanging out with a group of 12 young peeps around my age and also to undergo training with one of the great mentors i have in the company.
I have to manage whatever i have started in SG office from abroad. That is why I am working pretty intensely to get as much things going and cleared as possible so that there is less to be settled later on.
I make sure that I leave the office not later than 7 these days. Work will always be there and if I dun strike a balance, I will not be able to accomplish much as a person, on the whole. This is especially so since my work requires me to travel intensely these days. I need time for myself, my friends and my family.
I have chosen SWORD B. Im happy with my decision although I still am not sure if that is really where I will be heading. Like the way things have been falling into place somehow for me the past 9 months, Im not going to worry because I know Im in good hands.
Ji Yoon...
It's been a long long while since we last met and got together. Im really excited about spending Xmas in Seoul!! Arrrghhh... I can imagine how we both will just chat and chat non stop about anything and everything... LAugh over the silliest thing on earth. And finally I get to meet ya mum in person! I miss her cooking SERIOUSLY!!
Im not sure if it will snow in Seoul this Xmas. I have never seen snow in my life but im looking forward to having a white Xmas!
I may not blog much after I start my 5 week trip in PRC because I wont be able to see what i blog and I dun really like that.
Anyway, I treasure each and every day that I spend in Singapore for now.
Today is one of the rare times that I actually got home before 830pm.
Sleep is darn important and I will ensure that I have sufficient sleep.
My happiness level is inversely proportional to my sleep debt.
HAPPIE happie for now!
Trust
It's a good show. Go watch it.
Miu Kiu Wai is totally man and suave in all his suits in the movie. I think he really makes a good lead actor in this show. Not usual for him to be playing the lead role, but i guess this is certainly a great milestone for him. He has aged to be so so manly and very attractive in the show! I like!
Andy lau, on the other hand, is not playing the lead role. But I love his acting nonetheless.
Fundamentally, it's all about trust in all relationships. This is the simplest thing but also the most challenging aspect to build. With no trust, all relationships, especially BGR simply cannot sustain.
Coincidentally, 3 out of the 4 movies i caught on my flight back is also about trust. That is one of my biggest weakness too! I have to learn to trust, cos I know, that is the only way I can be happy in all relationships.
I grow up with Hong Kong movies. I love hong kong movies.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Nothing beats returning home
Im so tired! Emotionally and physically.
Usually I would leave for the airport to take domestic flight to beijing at around 8 plus to catch the 10am flight. Because of the meeting today, I took the 1:00pm flight. So, it was pretty intense for me to have my day start with a meeting, rushed to the airport, got delayed for about 20 min, and my check-in luggage took FOREVER to be loaded on the conveyor belt. By the time my luggage was picked up, it was already 245pm. My flight is at 4pm.
Beijing airport sucks big time. Imagine for international flight transfer, I have to get out of the domestic side, go and take a lift to level 2 with my full baggage. And there is only 1 lift at that side. And each lift can only fit max 3 trolleys. And THAT same lift is used for not just going up, it is also for the passengers going down, leaving the airport. I waited another 10 min for the lift. That was pretty ridiculous.
When I finally reached the check in counter, the guy kept asking me if my flight was confirmed to be today. And after checking for 5 min, (during which i lugged my 24kg luggage onto the conveyor belt for check in) he ran to his manager. GUESS WHAT? she told me that my flight wasnt changed to 17th. It was still on 16th. And the flight for today is full.
I almost died on the spot because I havent had lunch (that fish and rice in the aluminium foil from Air china domestic flight doesnt count) and I am very tired and irritated from all the waiting.
Right, so i asked for a solution because in my mind, I just wanna go home. I do not wanna be stranded in Beijing and the last thing i would ever want, is to be stranded in BEIJING AIRPORT.
So, she says i have to wait until the check in counter closed and then she will see if there are additional seats. I was lucky. I called my colleague to check if the negligence is at the airline's end or the travel agent because if it was the airline, im going to fight all the way, even if they only have seats in first class to make sure that I get back to SG. Well, in the end i didnt have to resort to that cos there was an extra seat, not only that, my favourite aisle seat in the centre portion. But that was not all lor, cos she said counter has closed, I had to bring my luggage to the OVERSIZE BAGGAGE CHECKIN. I had to lugg that big luggage again!
Tired. Hungry. Grouchy shi.
Thank god the food was good on the plane and the movies were fabulous too. HAha.. I watched 1.5 ang mo movies, and 2 hongkong movies. Except for the last hongkong movie, the rest of the movies were really good. I lauged and teared on the plane. A little embarrassing haha.
I have been feeling giddy the whole day. Even now. I was car sick on my way from airport to the office. Still car sick from office to airport. And when I reached changi, I think the heat sort of made me felt giddy again. And my luggage again, took much longer than usual to appear.
This trip hasnt been really that smooth. Anyhow, I came back in one piece. I need rest. Im very happy to be on leave tom! yay!
Usually I would leave for the airport to take domestic flight to beijing at around 8 plus to catch the 10am flight. Because of the meeting today, I took the 1:00pm flight. So, it was pretty intense for me to have my day start with a meeting, rushed to the airport, got delayed for about 20 min, and my check-in luggage took FOREVER to be loaded on the conveyor belt. By the time my luggage was picked up, it was already 245pm. My flight is at 4pm.
Beijing airport sucks big time. Imagine for international flight transfer, I have to get out of the domestic side, go and take a lift to level 2 with my full baggage. And there is only 1 lift at that side. And each lift can only fit max 3 trolleys. And THAT same lift is used for not just going up, it is also for the passengers going down, leaving the airport. I waited another 10 min for the lift. That was pretty ridiculous.
When I finally reached the check in counter, the guy kept asking me if my flight was confirmed to be today. And after checking for 5 min, (during which i lugged my 24kg luggage onto the conveyor belt for check in) he ran to his manager. GUESS WHAT? she told me that my flight wasnt changed to 17th. It was still on 16th. And the flight for today is full.
I almost died on the spot because I havent had lunch (that fish and rice in the aluminium foil from Air china domestic flight doesnt count) and I am very tired and irritated from all the waiting.
Right, so i asked for a solution because in my mind, I just wanna go home. I do not wanna be stranded in Beijing and the last thing i would ever want, is to be stranded in BEIJING AIRPORT.
So, she says i have to wait until the check in counter closed and then she will see if there are additional seats. I was lucky. I called my colleague to check if the negligence is at the airline's end or the travel agent because if it was the airline, im going to fight all the way, even if they only have seats in first class to make sure that I get back to SG. Well, in the end i didnt have to resort to that cos there was an extra seat, not only that, my favourite aisle seat in the centre portion. But that was not all lor, cos she said counter has closed, I had to bring my luggage to the OVERSIZE BAGGAGE CHECKIN. I had to lugg that big luggage again!
Tired. Hungry. Grouchy shi.
Thank god the food was good on the plane and the movies were fabulous too. HAha.. I watched 1.5 ang mo movies, and 2 hongkong movies. Except for the last hongkong movie, the rest of the movies were really good. I lauged and teared on the plane. A little embarrassing haha.
I have been feeling giddy the whole day. Even now. I was car sick on my way from airport to the office. Still car sick from office to airport. And when I reached changi, I think the heat sort of made me felt giddy again. And my luggage again, took much longer than usual to appear.
This trip hasnt been really that smooth. Anyhow, I came back in one piece. I need rest. Im very happy to be on leave tom! yay!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Pen and the Sword
He told me, to be a first class manager, I need to be able to hold the Sword and the Pen.
Im at a lost because I am pretty much forced to decide which Sword I would like to hold. There are implications of course.
Sword A:
If I wanna stay in this industry, this is definitely the SWORD. At least, this sword that he is offering me is certainly value adding. However, there lies a list of sacrifices that I have to make. Above all, it is the environment that I fear. I have heard too much and see for myself how I would certainly not prefer to be in such a situation. It takes at least 1.5 years to build and hold the sword. And should I decide that this is the sword I want, there is no turning back.
What I am also struggling with at this point of time, is in deciding if this kind of sword is suitable for me because I will have to work on building it for at least 1.5 years.
Sword B:
I was trained in school on how to make this sword. However, I never had a chance to really practise it. If I were to remain in this industry, this is certainly a much smaller sword compared to sword A. However, I know for sure I would have an excellent environment and very good mentors with me to see this through. Im not sure how far this sword can bring me. I am also not sure if this sword is good for me.
I would like to be a warrior in this game. Of which, both Swords A and B are crucial. I can comfortably just go on with Sword B, but without going through the process of making A, I will never be able to use B fundamentally. They are intending to groom me to not just make Sword A, but to also keep it and use it.
I would really prefer going through the process and understanding how Sword A is made and can be used, but it is never my calling to hold Sword A.
I am already holding a Pen. I know I am not holding the best pen because I am still in the process of upgrading it.
I cant make a decision in 5 days.
I remembered a line in "Munich" - the movie, "If you cant decide now, you will never decide".
I hate to be in situations like that. But I know that until I feel comfortable enough to make a decision, I shouldnt. So far, in all situations like such, I struggle so much I cry. But each time after, because the decision I make ultimately was something that came from my heart and supported by my head, I dun regret.
High risk, high return. Of course, high lost.
I may lose everything. But he said no matter what, I will definitely be better off than I was.
I thank him for everything. The guidance, the attention, the sincerity, and the mentorship. I am deeply touched. I am certainly willing to go all out for him. What is holding me back now, is that I may not be happy doing what I do and when that happens, I know I dun have passion anymore and when I lose that passion, I am no good for any company because I will no longer love my job.
I miss home.
Im at a lost because I am pretty much forced to decide which Sword I would like to hold. There are implications of course.
Sword A:
If I wanna stay in this industry, this is definitely the SWORD. At least, this sword that he is offering me is certainly value adding. However, there lies a list of sacrifices that I have to make. Above all, it is the environment that I fear. I have heard too much and see for myself how I would certainly not prefer to be in such a situation. It takes at least 1.5 years to build and hold the sword. And should I decide that this is the sword I want, there is no turning back.
What I am also struggling with at this point of time, is in deciding if this kind of sword is suitable for me because I will have to work on building it for at least 1.5 years.
Sword B:
I was trained in school on how to make this sword. However, I never had a chance to really practise it. If I were to remain in this industry, this is certainly a much smaller sword compared to sword A. However, I know for sure I would have an excellent environment and very good mentors with me to see this through. Im not sure how far this sword can bring me. I am also not sure if this sword is good for me.
I would like to be a warrior in this game. Of which, both Swords A and B are crucial. I can comfortably just go on with Sword B, but without going through the process of making A, I will never be able to use B fundamentally. They are intending to groom me to not just make Sword A, but to also keep it and use it.
I would really prefer going through the process and understanding how Sword A is made and can be used, but it is never my calling to hold Sword A.
I am already holding a Pen. I know I am not holding the best pen because I am still in the process of upgrading it.
I cant make a decision in 5 days.
I remembered a line in "Munich" - the movie, "If you cant decide now, you will never decide".
I hate to be in situations like that. But I know that until I feel comfortable enough to make a decision, I shouldnt. So far, in all situations like such, I struggle so much I cry. But each time after, because the decision I make ultimately was something that came from my heart and supported by my head, I dun regret.
High risk, high return. Of course, high lost.
I may lose everything. But he said no matter what, I will definitely be better off than I was.
I thank him for everything. The guidance, the attention, the sincerity, and the mentorship. I am deeply touched. I am certainly willing to go all out for him. What is holding me back now, is that I may not be happy doing what I do and when that happens, I know I dun have passion anymore and when I lose that passion, I am no good for any company because I will no longer love my job.
I miss home.
Friday, October 05, 2007
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Deeply treasured indulgence
I enjoyed the biscuits + Cheese +Wine.
I enjoyed every single meal that I had with you because each was so special and every meal was savoured beyond the physical aspect, it was an indulgence shared, felt and treasured by the heart.
Mooncakes that kept us going and lifted our spirits amidst the lonely afternoons; after a hearty meal to make the whole experience more holistic. It was indeed a happy food.
Ikea lunch was refreshing.
DIM sum brunch was a an intense fulfilment.
Even a simple porridge or a da bao-ed cai fan is worth remembering.
Im definitely going to miss all these while im away for the next 11 days. Im glad though, that it is only for 11 days.
I look forward to continuing this euphoric indulgence after my return, with none other than YOU!
I enjoyed every single meal that I had with you because each was so special and every meal was savoured beyond the physical aspect, it was an indulgence shared, felt and treasured by the heart.
Mooncakes that kept us going and lifted our spirits amidst the lonely afternoons; after a hearty meal to make the whole experience more holistic. It was indeed a happy food.
Ikea lunch was refreshing.
DIM sum brunch was a an intense fulfilment.
Even a simple porridge or a da bao-ed cai fan is worth remembering.
Im definitely going to miss all these while im away for the next 11 days. Im glad though, that it is only for 11 days.
I look forward to continuing this euphoric indulgence after my return, with none other than YOU!
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