Pen and the Sword

He told me, to be a first class manager, I need to be able to hold the Sword and the Pen.

Im at a lost because I am pretty much forced to decide which Sword I would like to hold. There are implications of course.

Sword A:
If I wanna stay in this industry, this is definitely the SWORD. At least, this sword that he is offering me is certainly value adding. However, there lies a list of sacrifices that I have to make. Above all, it is the environment that I fear. I have heard too much and see for myself how I would certainly not prefer to be in such a situation. It takes at least 1.5 years to build and hold the sword. And should I decide that this is the sword I want, there is no turning back.

What I am also struggling with at this point of time, is in deciding if this kind of sword is suitable for me because I will have to work on building it for at least 1.5 years.

Sword B:
I was trained in school on how to make this sword. However, I never had a chance to really practise it. If I were to remain in this industry, this is certainly a much smaller sword compared to sword A. However, I know for sure I would have an excellent environment and very good mentors with me to see this through. Im not sure how far this sword can bring me. I am also not sure if this sword is good for me.

I would like to be a warrior in this game. Of which, both Swords A and B are crucial. I can comfortably just go on with Sword B, but without going through the process of making A, I will never be able to use B fundamentally. They are intending to groom me to not just make Sword A, but to also keep it and use it.

I would really prefer going through the process and understanding how Sword A is made and can be used, but it is never my calling to hold Sword A.

I am already holding a Pen. I know I am not holding the best pen because I am still in the process of upgrading it.

I cant make a decision in 5 days.

I remembered a line in "Munich" - the movie, "If you cant decide now, you will never decide".

I hate to be in situations like that. But I know that until I feel comfortable enough to make a decision, I shouldnt. So far, in all situations like such, I struggle so much I cry. But each time after, because the decision I make ultimately was something that came from my heart and supported by my head, I dun regret.

High risk, high return. Of course, high lost.

I may lose everything. But he said no matter what, I will definitely be better off than I was.

I thank him for everything. The guidance, the attention, the sincerity, and the mentorship. I am deeply touched. I am certainly willing to go all out for him. What is holding me back now, is that I may not be happy doing what I do and when that happens, I know I dun have passion anymore and when I lose that passion, I am no good for any company because I will no longer love my job.

I miss home.