I realise the main source of stress comes from the lack of courage to face my fears. Whatever the outcome, I have decided to stand by my principles. Albeit alone.

Maybe it is not the best solution to be impetus afterall. I have to learn to be patient. I feel it is divine intervention once again. This is beyond me. I only ask to be happy.

It's a challenge for my body to cope with the side effects of the medication. It may not be anything serious but it's just one big sacrifice that I have to live with. And frankly, I'm just feeling frustrated because i was an innocent victim. What did I do to deserve this?

I'm not sure if it is the medication or the stress from work, that I am indeed burnt out?

STOP

I want to get out of this situation and just run into your arms. Three days but it just seems so far!!!

Very good transient distractions:

movie - date night ( great comedy)
tv show - star awards part 1( I thoroughly enjoyed this because the last award show I watched was probably 3 years ago. The hosts were fun, very localized presentations and dialogues. I was also very touched by a few scenes in the show. This is the tv station I grew up in. This is home. )

The price to pay for a bad hire

Why am I still suffering from the shit left behind by a pest?

Screw you. All of you.

I'm done.

No point putting my reputation at risk. Directed by monkeys. Facing monkeys. Being looked upon as a monkey. I do not belong to a zoo.

Love hate

Two upcoming trips to look forward to:

21 April - Yantai, transit Beijing. I will finally get to meet CC. That is the One and Only thing that made the trip worth looking forward to. The rest of the factors are pure repels that I totally dread facing.

1May - Bangkok. Yes I know this is the Nth time but I swear, I never wantedto get away more. I even went sephora to buy six different types bubble bath cubes to bring along. I can't wait to step into VIE hotel again!! Best hotel in bkk. Of course, it's a long awaited trip with CC. That's how we fill the gaps I think of our LDR. Love travelling with cc, even if it was just transiting Beijing with him, gg JB with him.

Counting down. Just a few days more.!!

Till then, I have to bulldoze my way through the heaps of work.

The dilemma

I thought it was clear. Now no longer.

One professional firm but I will have to grow very slowly, I was told I won't be contributing until after a while, I have to take it slow. They look at me as the half cup empty glass.

The other, another commercial firm, sees the potential in me, keeps telling me that they like me and I feel treasured.

Which way should I go?

Hi Pandulum

I thought everything was clear, it was just a matter of time.

I thought if i had just hung in there, the silver lining would appear.

It was a mad week for me.

The stress from the papers were intense. But it couldnt beat the stress from work. I ran away. I really did. I dare not read emails. I refuse to answer calls. I was silently grateful that I was not a slave to a blackberry.

How bad did it get?

I broke down a couple of times the past 7 days in front of my lappie. I was on "appear offline" mode for all the internet messengers. Especially skpye. Off.

I took the day off in hope that i could get a real break and so I can get back to work where 200% of whatever I had was needed. What day off? Well,a little bit. Not much. I was very glad mummy took 1/2 day off as well because the aircon needed servicing and she had to call the person in. Today is mummy's Lunar BDae and the best time of the day? The dinner, the haircut and the short Ya Kun blabbering with mummy.

Prior to meeting mummy, I attended the meet up.

It got me thinking. It's amazing how a short 2 hours changed everything on the table. I am beginning to wonder if she is the one that I really want to entrust my career with. And I am beginning to doubt if this is the best way to continue. Why am i back to this pandulum situation?

Nevertheless, I think the mini break was helpful. Face mask on, new haircut, im ready to face the work and stress.

All so that I can ease some pressure off my day at work tomorrow.

Good luck to me.

Please bless me.

Endure

I cant wait for the two papers to be over.

For the weekend, i have to push everything abt work aside.

Next weekend is one i look forward to.

Back to spending time with family, friends and me!

Till then.