Hate bites

I need the pink of health to return immediately for the remaining days in 2010!!!

Pissed mad at how after a swarm of mosquito bites (never before in my own room and of which already left me very irritated), I applied Tiger balm twice and guess what? I am down with a pretty bad skin allergy. Two big patches of irrita

ted skin that is damn itchy and quite painful (after scratching). In Dyason's words, he said with a smirk on his face, "Yi, Yi, why your mosquito bites look like maps?". I was rather impressed with his interpretation of the allergy on my legs and he was absolutely right, they look like shapes of the continents on maps, the only difference is the colour.

No choice, I went to see a doc. Antibiotics, anti-itch mediation and cream. He sort of teased me in disbelief when I told him I got this after I applied tiger balm. I had probably applied too much because the first time i applied, it did help to stop the itch and the mosquito bites were less red.

I cannot understand why my own homeland mosquitoes would leave me with such bad bites. They seem to have injected some really bad toxins into my skin because the bites were not only big and swollen, they were very red and was a little painful. The last time I had these bites was when I first got bitten by the mosquitoes in China. They say it's because I was from a foreign land, so mosquitoes tend to want to bite me more. It seems my own Singapore mosquitoes are not recognising me. This is perhaps the way for me to get my membership. Please make sure that after this big sign up, the mosquitoes would spare me.

Till now, I still cannot figure out where the swarm of mosquitoes come from.

It's a nightmare.

I curse all the mosquitoes in the world.

Last week of 2010

I had a good christmas this year. The dinner was enjoyable though the food could have been better I feel. I was a little disappointed at the food for lunch as well. Not sure if it was my tastebuds or that the food is really just average. And for seasons of celebrations, food is important.

Another reason may be that I am suffering from stomach flu. I look forward to eating each meal but the moment im into like the third spoonful, I start to feel nauseaus and there goes my appetite. And my stomach churns and yes, this has been going on for the past 1.5 weeks. I refused to go see a doc because I remembered how the doc will just prescribe pills to stop nauseaus and diarhhoea but nothing to really clean the bacteria up. This was the same in Nepal and China. I just had to wait for the system to clean up the bacteria in my stomach. Not sure what I ate but I hate stomach flu. CC nagged and nagged and I promised him that I would go see a doc tomorrow. He said he had severe food poisoning that left him with acute pain in melbourne before and he didnt want me to go through the same especially when im travelling to HK soon.

I am trying to adjust to this LDR. It requires a lot of intangible efforts in a lot of ways. So far so good but the real test will be the next few months.

I spent quite a bit of time surfing through Nippon paint website and I must say they have a really comprehensive and informative one. However, at the end of it all, I have decided not to paint my room. I do not have the luxury of time with just 3 days left and I do not want to pressure myself into something I am not sure I am capable of finishing. The last thing I want is to start painting and not to finish this week. The big nightmare will come if I have to start travelling within 2 weeks of my new job. I shall not be so ambitious for now.

I am happy with the size of my room now. It is pretty spacious without the clutter. 3 days more of fine-tuning. I want to run to JB soon for massage and to do up my nails to get ready for my HK trip.

Last but not least, I may have to stay away with skirts and dresses for a while cos I had this really bad mosquito attack over the last few days that left me with big patches of skin allergy. Not sure if it was due to the tiger balm or the bites. ARRGGHH. I hate mosquitoes!!

Memories

I went through my personal box of old letters/cards. I read through each and every one and that was really quite a nostalgic process. I saw how I grew, and much I changed and of course I'm very happy and blessed to have all these dear friends around.

I cleared out quite a bit. Those which didn't matter anymore.

I think we should keep cards and letters going. It's a wonderful habit.

They are the best historical records of relationships. Friendship and kinship alike.

Back to my packing and hopefully to discover more beautiful memories!

Fundamentals

I think it's time i get back to the fundamentals of life.

I have to rely less on virtual world and stay close to the organic development of my personal well-being. In all aspects.

I am beginning to understand why I cant be a stay home mum.
I enjoy the freedom now but this is not real freedom. There are a lot of obligations the moment I get back. I have yet to miss my life away from home but I know I cant do this on a long term basis.

Im happy that the festive seasons are around the corner.

Things seem to be a little fishy. Haha, CC flying to moscow, then beijing then yantai then back to SG? I hope im not getting a surprise early arrival visit. Anyway will pray that your flight out of moscow can be on time admist all these weather woes and flight delays.

Looking back and forth

2 weeks left and I havent accomplished much physically. Emotionally and spiritually yes.

More to go:

1) Place order for the Chocolate Truffle Log Cake. Hmm Im looking forward to this dinner. CC please come back in time. Xmas dinner in JB and Xmas lunch in SG. You would be the best Xmas pressie!

2) Phase 3 of part 1 of my room makeover needs to be done today. I dont actually have a complete plan yet. But the purpose of me penning things down now is so I can organise my thoughts and clear them one by one.

Part 1 - Packing and throwing (4 phases)
Part 2 - Painting
Part 3 - Getting the furnitures (But the resistance for change is setting in and so much so im not sure if this is going to happen) Discipline, discipline.

3) Get my diploma credits converted into my CII credits. Apply for exemption.

4) Done shopping for gifts for the kids. Havent shopped for the rest on the list. Aye Aye...

Im happy and excited about the remaining two weeks. It's great to end it all with a trip to hongkong!I have been resisting a lot of temptations to shop this xmas season as im saving all for the hongkong trip. Gotta change my wardrobe as I cant dress the way I used to while in Orchard. Now I have to dress for Raffles place. There is 啊 certain level of pressure to dress well and moreover as a broker, I have to be constantly presentable.

I remembered how I felt back then when I first joined the yard. I still hold the same excitement for this new job. The only difference being I know better what I am in for and I wasnt here to explore to find out my passion, I am here to do what I like and I am also more aware of my dislikes, my weaknesses so I will keep in mind that I dont get entangled in situations too sticky for me. New hope, new motivation and a whole plethora of challenges awaits in line. The happiest part being - I know Im working towards a career. Not a job.

CC told me a lot of them thought I resigned to marry him and to stay home with the kids. He laughed and told them he cant keep me home. He says as a witty young lady, I need to be out there to build my career and to work on that aspect of my life. Im happy to hear his reply because it shows how much he understands me and he was always stingy with his praises. Im very touched.

I went through a very difficult phase at work a few months ago, he was there for me. I broke down quite regularly but I fought and made it to the end.

I cried when I was pushed way past my limits.
I fought and hung on because I didnt want to give up. I have my own expectations to live up to. He was there for me though there were a few times I knew he was frustrated but he didnt say.
I got all emotional again when I resigned. It was my first resignation. I remembered how belle teared about her first resignation back then. I couldnt relate. But now I totally understand.
I cried again the last few days in China.

He wiped away my tears, held me in arms and told me that he was proud of me. I couldnt remember his exact words but they were to the meaning of how he could see me handle difficult situations myself, even if i teared, I could eventually resolve and make the best out of it. This was touching because he used to tell me that I tear because I lack experience (not entirely wrong), that I was young (not that he was very much older, 4 years isnt a lot). I used to think that his view of me lacking experience from the work I was doing was not relevant because I was always handling projects that nobody in the company did before. But now I know the experience he meant was the experience of self discovery, of being pushed beyond my limits and setting new limits at the end. From looking at me as a half cup empty, to recognising that I could fill the remaining half because of my half cup full, I felt honoured and truly touched.

My last day in the yard, I wasnt emotional until after lunch when I had to bid goodbye. I was still busy with a training session for Project Team in the morning. I had to rush through to pack my desk in China. Yingying was not her usual jovial self. Maybe because I didnt have time to think but I could tell she wasnt as bubbly. When she sent me out,standing beside our finance building, we hugged each other and cried uncontrollably. I spent a great deal of time with her everyday. She is funny and she always took care of me. I would invite her over to our place for dinner and we would go over. We went clubbing and we went KTV. We shopped and we shared so much. That was quite a moment leaving the yard which I grew up in especially with the people I shared a bond with and I may not see them ever again.

I sent Lao shi an sms to bid her goodbye. I told her I dare not go look for her because I would really break down. She told me when she received my sms she was in a meeting but she couldnt get out. After that she called me when I was back at the apartment frantically packing for my flight in 3 hours' time. She said, “尽管你在公司很能干， 我也不觉得那有什么特别， 可是让我觉得你最可爱的是， 你仍然有这么感性的一面， 这非常难得。 ”

Packing 3 years of barang in 1.5 hours was tough. I blasted music with the song "礼物“ which Yingying sang for me and introduced me the day before at KTV. Filling up 40kg of luggage and singing along while wiping my tears was quite beyond words because of the sadness from leaving these people who made my china experience complete yet deep down inside, I know I am leaving for the better.

Anyway, with the end of 2010 drawing near, I am closing this chapter in my life.

The last 10 years has been the most amazing.

I am grateful for having so many loved ones around. I love my family and I treasure my friends. I was blessed with good bosses and I hope this to continue in 2011 and beyond. Good health is important and I look forward to the coming 10 years.

Primary sch outing

It was a great primary school outing. Fun and I'm glad we all met after so long. Things are still the same after all these years!

I have to believe that I CAN DO IT!

So much to do and so litle time.

I love my new lappie. I settled for HP in the end. Haha. No I didnt pick a real loud and colourful one. I didnt pick a 1.5kg and below model. The only thing i kept close to was that it must be smaller than a 14" cos that was the size of my last office lappie and I do not want a biggie like that.

I have a problem. What am I going to do with all the books on the shelf? I dont want to throw them away! But I would like to make more space in the room for a Queen size bed frame. I have been throwing and throwing the past few weeks. The whole process is just boring! I hate doing all these packing and throwing because I get very distracted after a while. I end up surfing the net, watching tv, checking fb, anything but to finish up what I have to do.

I have to make a trip down to SCI on monday. I hope my conversion of credits are still valid.

To my surprise, I have actually completed my Diploma in General Insurance and Risk management. Haha, maybe because my goal was ACII so I didnt have that in mind. No wonder Mr Chan called me yesterday to ask me to go collect my certificate. The only dumb thing that I did not do and have procrastinated was not to convert my credits into the CII standard. Argghh.

I am about halfway through my goal. I hope to complete the advance diploma next April with 3 modules. It may be tougher but I thought, if I can make it for 2 modules with all the intense travelling previously, surely I can do 3 right? This will really hasten up my professional qualification process and speed up my career advancement. I hope I can be granted an exemption for Business and Economics module since I have completed a Business Degree and have taken 2-3 econs module.

A primary school gathering and a wedding this weekend. Next week is all I've got to clean things up. I should really buck up with the packing.

I can do it!

Room makeover in progress

I'm excited about revamping my room. It took me quite a few Days to get the momentum going. With nelle around I think it helped me to keep things in check. I am forced to take up a more routine life than to while my time away. But I must say though I didn't accomplish much last week, doing nothing was really therapeutic. I kind of regret gg to zouk out, the only consolation was that at least now I know that it was really not worth the effort and money and a very big part was only to support Tracy.

I'm not sure how far I should change my room because I would really prefer having cc bk to choose furnitures with me, help me with ideas and to have things move much faster and this I mean literally move furnitures for me. Haha

I like to visit ikea for inspiration.

The only thing I hate about this whole revamping is that my face is down with rashes again. Is it the dust or the heat? I miss my 10 deg c.

I woke up this morning with great frustration from the intense drilling from outside my unit. I thought the official first day of freedom meant I could sleep in to my heart's content but I was wrong. Anyway, since there will also not be any electricity until 130pm I decided to go for a morning jog, breakfast and spend a good amount of time in AMK hub 's ntuc mega mart to kill time till the electricity returned.

I am also determine to shed the excess kilos I gained over the years from staying regularly in china. For a start, I had teow chew fish soup with slices of bittergourd. No noodles, no rice, not even the Fried egg they always throw into the soup.

I spent $70 on groceries ( healthy ones) and cleaning products so I can start my room makeover. The most expensive items were the vacuum storage bags for bulky items like my winter wear. I had to buy these as 40kg of luggage is still waiting for me :(

I am excited about revamping my room, completing the jigsaw puzzle I got from Beijing. The puzzle is a picture of a cafe off the streets in Spain. Since the picture was taken in 2009, I should still be able to visit the place within the coming two years I hope. This completed puzzle shall also be hung on the wall of my new room.

All in all, I am very happy to get this three weeks of break. It's full of hope, excitement and motivation. The only issue that is slightly bugging me is putting me in a dilemma. KW sent a quote to me, if I don't ask, the answer is always no. I should try. But I shall not attach too much emotion to it. I am happy for now, I guess that is the most important.

The new end, old beginning

This week whizzed by and I felt like a total zombie. Zombie not in terms of looks but the fact that I was without a soul. Not much feelings, no excitement, no thoughts. That's not me.

Yesterday was the best closure for me 4 years with the company. Mc, Dc, Gl, Ld, wow, very glad to have them all present during my farewell lunch. I have to attribute my achievements and simply whoni am today to all of them.

Now bk to the excess baggage of the demobilization from china, 40 kg awaiting. I am never good at packing and managing household logistics. Too many details for my liking. If there were ever a course like the above, I would gladly sign up and learn from one of these housewives.

Project revamp is up next. I have to revamp my room. I hope two weeks is sufficient. Gambatte!

Season of change.

Toast to a better 2011. Excited abt my new year eve trip to hongkong.

Aye...Dec 2010

Why do I still feel unsettled and lost?

There are a lot of things which I want to do but I cant seem to find the time and mood to do so.

I need to fight hard to give myself a break. It's a break I have been yearning since the beginning of 2010.

2011 will mark the beginning of another me.

I hope everything will still go on well.

Parents are aging.
Work has changed.

Was it a matter of thinking too much or not thinking enough?

Next phase, next year

This marks the beginning of an end.

Finally things are formalized.

I think being given the opportunity to run HR is truly a blessing in disguise. It is a lifelong benefit and has certainly changed the way I see and look at HR as well as how I deal with HR of new companies.

I hope tat is the best thing for me in 2011 and that marks a very important turning point as well.

Good luck to me.

Change

Nothing beats being lost.

Can't believe that I actually went through this whole series of anxiety yesterday. I still dread going back. I just hope all these to end soon.

It's ok nobody understands what I am going through. Sometimes I myself am confused.

Looking forward to the day when nothing else matters anymore. I hate to go to war. It us emotionally taxing and just isn't my cup of tea. This is exactly the reason why I am leaving. It is just tough to want end but still get stuck in the cyclone of issues.

I want to get out and feel free. To look at my own needs and do some adjustments.

逃跑

感觉很害怕
许多事现实和想像的差距越来越大
仿佛已迷失了方向
不是刚回来，为什么又想逃？
为什么都不开心？
我到底怎么了？

Back from bkk trip

First up, I need to change my lifestyle.

Need to take care of my physical well-being and emotional fulfillment.

I have to achieve something in 1 week.

Worried abt being calm

I am 3 chapters away but I'm not worried. What really stresses me is the fact that I am so calm now.

Bad

Focus

I am glad I still have 5 days, albeit 5 days is still too tight to finish studying for 1 paper + revise for another. I just have to keep going.

The only thing that i am looking forward to is the dinner on 28th after all the torture and the trip on 1st Oct.

All I need to do now is to focus on my exams. Everything else does not matter.Work has to be set aside.

Focus.

Run

I'm tired. End all agony end nov is probably the ideal case. Neither here nor there.

Wine away

Only thing to look fwd to this week:

Home cooked dinner.
Enjoy the first bottle of wine in six months.
Yum!!

Though it's gonna be a short week. I still look fwd to the upcoming trip.

How to get that engine going?

Two papers. I'm so behind schedule.

I'm very tired.

Leaving again for china day after tomorrow.

Help!

Say a prayer

Not sure if this dinner was worth the time.

I felt a little confused and pretty taken aback.

Yawn.

I need a good rest.

Praying for the best

Why cannot sleep?

Not sure wat's keeping me awake at this hour. 4am.

The deal to end this stint on 31st dec?

Russia trip+ yantai trip?

New gal?

Haven't sign the new offer?

Two exams on 28 sep which I have barely started?

I phone 4?

I was only away for a week but it felt like a month. Not that I had a dreadful time, just that too much happened this one week. Circus was quite an experience and I had a lot of fun with the gals. Seoul still good just that it Was too rush.

心里有点害怕，我已经很久没有这样的感觉与想法，今年似乎太频了，也许一切从这一步开始？希望这只是我想多了，毕竟时间到了，这是另一个阶段的开始，不是上个阶段的结束。

Seoul alone

Transiting Seoul this time, alone.

This would be perfect and I would praobably stay longer if cc were with me.

I'm still excited though. So far, I manage to visit Seoul once a year for the past 2 yrs.

This is one of my fav cities. Absolutely love the shopping and food.

Hope to meet jy.

Yawn

Ocktober

I am so counting down to October.

Enjoy my very free & easy bkk spree. Hopefully the bombing last sunday was just a one-off event.

Maybe our Jie Mei trip can come true. A short getaway somewhere. I want to do a budget trip because I am saving up to do up my room.
- Oversized work desk
- Queen Size bed
- Not useful Wardrobe (Hate sliding door concept especially when it is just two-door. At any one time, I can only open 50%.)
- Need to do something abt the book shelf. Some books ought to go into the storage box and they should really not stay on the shelf.
- I want to get a nice rug for my bed, that is after i get a bed frame. According to Feng Shui, i need to get a headboard for the bed and apparantly i need to ensure that there is adequate space along both sides of the mattress. I shant put my bed to the corner to create more space for worst fengshui.

- I want to add more colours to my room.
- A good magazine rack, actually a small one will do. The turnover for the magazines are fast.
- A smaller work table. But I should not be throwing away furnitures, arrggh... Something to work on.
- Need to add colours/paintings/nice little lamps to the room. I shall have a little corner where i can put my scented oil.

To save space, i should mount a small LCD onto the wall. But the small TV in the room now is doing fine. Another challenge.

Since im moving on to the next phase of my career, I shall invest some time and money in my room decor. All these while i have the time and energy + motivation.

I shall head to Ikea this week. Just for more inspiration.

I started on visio to work on the layout plan for my room. It's really quite a challenge to rearrange everything.

Time to read up on Fengshui first.

Tired for now. Another intense two weeks and I should be good.

Looking forward to the Ocktober Fest too.

Join me!

A day to remember

Alo!!

190710

Happie

Enough

The pressure is somewhat eased slightly. The very first step to kick off both sides to start the ball rolling may or may not work out well. At least I know this is it for now. I am very tired. Enough.

这是成长，还是独立？

我是否必须独自面对这一战？我很希望在我身边的人是你。我知道只要我自己走出去后，我应该不需要在这样依赖你。我应该学会在我最需要支持的时候，自己走下去。

不知道为什么，我开始觉得我不应该再麻烦你。

Hate 2010

10 reasons to hate 2010:

1. To be put on medication for six full months. And due to this medication, I can't take alcohol. At all, Cant miss a day's tablet and so I became a paranoid person not wanting to miss a course. Apparently the medication causes me to put on weight, be a little depressed. All these was simply because I was unlucky.

2. Had to go through the worst part of my career in this company. Tears just flow uncontrollably thrice that week in office cubicle at the beginning and for sure once a week at home. Now my life Did not get better because the pressure was lower, it got better only because I am mentally prepared for it.

3. Never had such unhappy trips with cc. I totally hate the last KL trip.

4. Never felt more embarassed at work. Not within my control though.

5. Pressured to take up something I don't like.

6. Felt really bad that I couldn't be there for him. I'm beginning to doubt if I was the one.

7. Still didn't manage to go for my beach getaway.

8. Never felt so compelled in doing something I don't believe in.

9. Met some people of the worst character. I feel shamful to be working with them under the same nationality,

10. Need to think about how to resolve program

I'm losing it

I am no longer happy. And that worries me. Put it this way, I think the unhappy times have outweighed the good times. But I have to wait.

October trip is confirmed. I just hope bkk to be in good shape then.

I am tempted to go new York. Go krabi. Go tour Europe. Even Macau or japan is good. I am not sure when I will sink into depression. I think I am still ok now because I try to consciously make sure I am still optimistic.

I still did not have a proper break this yr. And I'm losing it. All.

Luxury in life

When can I start using the kitchen??

How to run my marathon?

I cant give up now. I have to keep going.
Bogged down my work so much I dont think this is what I really want to do, at least not this kind of work.
Not sure why, but ever since 23rd May, things are no longer the same. Maybe I was no longer the same.

How long more must I endure?
How much more do I have to do?

I am not sure when my beach getaway can realise.
Turquoise water, white sandy beach. That's all.

Leave, take a two weeks break. Come back. Re-start.

It's almost one anniversary.

I hope for august to come fast.

I want to be free.

Break

So much happened the past one month.

I should probably leave soon.

I shouldn't be spending time on things that won't add value to wat i want to do.

No more KL in a while.

Everything happened for a reason.

I thought my career is supposed to be good this year? Or is this already the peak?

Break?

You heard me. But you chose not to listen.

Fatique. Extreme fatique is what I am going through now. Maybe the severe lack of sleep is making me really cranky.

I only know that I do not even have the energy to smile anymore. I was in a pressure cooker all alone for most part of the week. I just want to release the tension, right down to the very piece of muscle on my toes.

My whole body, especially my neck and shoulders and not forgetting the head is aching from the prolongued pressure. I don't know, maybe there isn't a need for a break at all. At least I know it wasn't mine. Not just about me. Maybe that is why, I do not feel at ease.

I hope this is not a mistake.

I just want a break. One that I can really relax and not have to think about what other people think, feel or want to do. I just want to getaway from all the stress that has been building up.

I thought you would understand me.

I thought.

I hate insomnia. Why can't I find the right candidate?? Just for me. I am desperately in need of manpower. Signs of unhappiness loom.

Need to run away.

I hate now.

Entries from last biz trip

Day 1 :
Not quite sure wat kind of crisis this is that I am going through. Being at the mid twenties stage, I think I am feeling somewhat lost.

I want to do things differently this time. Not sure if walking straight into starbucks instead of the usual kenny Rogers, Thai restaurant or Korean restaurant after landing in Beijing can be a good symbolic start.

I used to keep scones from starbucks as breakfast for next day but since they are the best scones (very moist, right texture, great taste) and I am somewhat sick and no longer look forward to lunch at the 3 restaurants mentioned earlier, I settled for this honey raisin scone to go with ice mocha ( decaf no doubt).

Back to my crisis, I'm not sure why things aren't moving in the way I expected months ago, or are things even moving at all? Am I too impatient or is it just a case of me not knowing what I want?

I revisited the fundamental motivation in wanting this change. And now I realise I am facing a very cliche issue and well, I do not have an answer. Money vs career.

What is a career if the money is not good? Hmm... What Is money if I'm not fulfilled emotionally or that I am not happy? 

( P.R just called my china mobile and we had a good 30 min chat on the above topics) haha I'm glad he is always patient to listen to me ramble.

Need to reply by friday, I need to chat with cc first. Yay, 4 hours away from seeing him!! 

Finishing my scone, should I get 1 more for breakfast Tom?

Time to check in for my domestic flight. 

Signing off
Beijing airport starbucks,
20 April 2010
425pm

Day 7:
I am totally drained but looking at the gigantic rigs... Wow... Everything was worth it. We all came a long way! I am excited about delivery.
27 Apr 2010

Day 10 - today

"Wedding dress" - a Korean movie I caught on flight today that made me cried so hard. Guess who freaked out upon seeing me in tears sobbing away? Haha poor cc. I think 1/8 of the cushion I was hugging was soaked. Highly recommeded show. Will see if I can buy it anywhere. It is a good movie, meaningful, simple but each and every gist of the emotions were extremely well delivered. I was just very touched.
1 May 2010

I realise the main source of stress comes from the lack of courage to face my fears. Whatever the outcome, I have decided to stand by my principles. Albeit alone.

Maybe it is not the best solution to be impetus afterall. I have to learn to be patient. I feel it is divine intervention once again. This is beyond me. I only ask to be happy.

It's a challenge for my body to cope with the side effects of the medication. It may not be anything serious but it's just one big sacrifice that I have to live with. And frankly, I'm just feeling frustrated because i was an innocent victim. What did I do to deserve this?

I'm not sure if it is the medication or the stress from work, that I am indeed burnt out?

STOP

I want to get out of this situation and just run into your arms. Three days but it just seems so far!!!

Very good transient distractions:

movie - date night ( great comedy)
tv show - star awards part 1( I thoroughly enjoyed this because the last award show I watched was probably 3 years ago. The hosts were fun, very localized presentations and dialogues. I was also very touched by a few scenes in the show. This is the tv station I grew up in. This is home. )

The price to pay for a bad hire

Why am I still suffering from the shit left behind by a pest?

Screw you. All of you.

I'm done.

No point putting my reputation at risk. Directed by monkeys. Facing monkeys. Being looked upon as a monkey. I do not belong to a zoo.

Love hate

Two upcoming trips to look forward to:

21 April - Yantai, transit Beijing. I will finally get to meet CC. That is the One and Only thing that made the trip worth looking forward to. The rest of the factors are pure repels that I totally dread facing.

1May - Bangkok. Yes I know this is the Nth time but I swear, I never wantedto get away more. I even went sephora to buy six different types bubble bath cubes to bring along. I can't wait to step into VIE hotel again!! Best hotel in bkk. Of course, it's a long awaited trip with CC. That's how we fill the gaps I think of our LDR. Love travelling with cc, even if it was just transiting Beijing with him, gg JB with him.

Counting down. Just a few days more.!!

Till then, I have to bulldoze my way through the heaps of work.

The dilemma

I thought it was clear. Now no longer.

One professional firm but I will have to grow very slowly, I was told I won't be contributing until after a while, I have to take it slow. They look at me as the half cup empty glass.

The other, another commercial firm, sees the potential in me, keeps telling me that they like me and I feel treasured.

Which way should I go?

Hi Pandulum

I thought everything was clear, it was just a matter of time.

I thought if i had just hung in there, the silver lining would appear.

It was a mad week for me.

The stress from the papers were intense. But it couldnt beat the stress from work. I ran away. I really did. I dare not read emails. I refuse to answer calls. I was silently grateful that I was not a slave to a blackberry.

How bad did it get?

I broke down a couple of times the past 7 days in front of my lappie. I was on "appear offline" mode for all the internet messengers. Especially skpye. Off.

I took the day off in hope that i could get a real break and so I can get back to work where 200% of whatever I had was needed. What day off? Well,a little bit. Not much. I was very glad mummy took 1/2 day off as well because the aircon needed servicing and she had to call the person in. Today is mummy's Lunar BDae and the best time of the day? The dinner, the haircut and the short Ya Kun blabbering with mummy.

Prior to meeting mummy, I attended the meet up.

It got me thinking. It's amazing how a short 2 hours changed everything on the table. I am beginning to wonder if she is the one that I really want to entrust my career with. And I am beginning to doubt if this is the best way to continue. Why am i back to this pandulum situation?

Nevertheless, I think the mini break was helpful. Face mask on, new haircut, im ready to face the work and stress.

All so that I can ease some pressure off my day at work tomorrow.

Good luck to me.

Please bless me.

Endure

I cant wait for the two papers to be over.

For the weekend, i have to push everything abt work aside.

Next weekend is one i look forward to.

Back to spending time with family, friends and me!

Till then.

加油

有智慧的女人最美丽，

有智慧的男人最迷人。
------------------------------------------

我非常期待下半年的到来，

对事业上的未来憧憬更是迫不及待。

虽然目前度日如年，身心都筋疲力尽，

但我知道一切即将到个段落。


希望我能如愿以偿， 至少在短期内我能朝着梦想前进。
------------------------------------------

加油！

I am so looking fwd to the bkk getaway.

And of course, the day of ultimate relief.

Till the moment that I can change the surroundings and environment comes on, I can only change myself to survive. And I think I changed myself enough, I need a break real bad.

Mugging through the textbooks during the weekend at SIM was very effective. Thanks to xz who provided transport and I was lucky to still have friends tt are still studying. Else I doubt I can find any kaki and I may end up suffering from greater undue stress now.

When can I get to the rainbow at the end?

RE_LAX

Oh wow.

Stress level was at a all time high yesterday in the office.

Let's see:
- Down with Throat infection, with traces of blood in my phlegm
- Insurance work getting intense with an accident occuring last Friday
- Handover was no where near my expectations because some people just isnt making my life easier
- HR matters with China HR that needs policy change, and because things are already on the move, I do not have to luxury of time to sit down and type a perfect policy, in fact, i do not have time to draft any policies, I have to keep in view a virtual policy that is as holistic and detailed as possible while carrying out the changes.
- Recruitment ( I do not have the time to review the resumes!!)
- Basic theory test yesterday but I decided to give up and see doctor instead
- 2 insurance examinations in about a fortnight and I have barely finished half of the first book.
- Doesnt help that all the insurance policies for personal are all expiring end march.
- I need to takeover payroll for march
- Technically, im just 1 person, wearing two hats.

How to relax?

My only saviour? MC today. Was prescribed anti-biotics. Had the luxury to turn on the tV to relax a bit, nap a little in between while completing some overdue work on hand.

Loosen up, loosen up, clear the ultimate stress items first, do one by one, and try to mug like no tomorrow at night and weekends. I do not have much time left.

Breathe

You asked for it

The pressure is so intense I want to leave everything behind and just runaway.

I don't feel like taking things so hard anymore but this having work not done well and not being able to ensure my quality is driving me crazy.

Sigh!

You are motivating me to get ahead with the decision. You asked for it. I told u but you refused to listen.

What can I say??

Hello algel

An angel walked into my life today. I can only say that I am very blessed. If this takes off, it will be a big turning point for me. I didn't really want to talk about it because I didn't want it to end up cursed like the previous one.

I am absolutely tired.

Yawn.

Work very hard & fear not the uncertainties. I can make it.

扮猪吃老虎

The going gets tough from this week on.

But unlike two weeks ago, i think the PIG is going to ride on better luck in ALL ASPECTS compared to last year. Frankly speaking, I can already feel the difference. Haha...

Hello year of tiger~

I love Home

The weather is giving me headaches.

I hate the heat.

No beach getaway anytime soon but expect another BKK in May. I realised how i can now plan my holidays in advance by just following the China long holidays. May & October.

Dr Heng says she is heading for London in May and so I would most likely redeem my kris miles for a london ticket.

I want to do Tibet, Tokyo & Taipei too. As for places in China, maybe I should just drop by shanghai for a few days to play and not just for work like the other time. I did Harbin in 2009 and it was simply awesome. I want to visit as many provinces in China as I can. I will give this some thoughts and offhand, im looking at hangzhou and Guilin or JiuzaiGou.

I have so much reading to do.

Haha.. anyway, so what have i been doing these two days?

I get up at like 1030am for some reason and that was consistent.

I read magazine, leisure books, even these Chinese books available on ipod applications. I read A BIT of my textbook. I flip the basic theory book.

Then without fail, I watch The Apprentice every afternoon. After that they will show Winter Olympics in Van Couver. After that I would switch to channel 8 to watch this malaysian chinese drama. Then I will go change up for dinner.

Such routine homely lifestyle is a luxury to me for I was hardly even in SG the past 2 years to begin with.

Anyway, I will start working really hard to read those TEXTBOOKS and not get distracted by all other stuff. It doesnt help that I need to now not just start reading, but be an expert in SG and China income tax system. I have to churn out numbers and put up a paper real soon.

WORK & Study.

Stuck

I finally have a week in SG in which i dont have to work. Why am I still unhappy?

I think the pressure in not wasting this week is making me stressed up since I have not really planned what to do.

Sigh.

Maybe I shouldnt have agreed to take on this portfolio. I am holding doubts now. At the back of my mind, I keep having this unsettled mind. Well, I dont think I have a choice. It is good challenge non-the-less and regardless of how tough the going gets, I need to make it through.

I am stressed up. I am.

I feel like running away to bintan for a getway.

I need and want a beach getway. I miss the sea.

Let me see what I can do.

I came back from JB loaded with magazines. I am also now finishing the last 4 episodes of 败犬女王。 I visited Ikea Tampiness in search of inspirations for my room revamp. No luck on that yet. I want to re-do the layout, yet I dont think I should waste the current furnitures.

And lastly, I need to start reading my textbooks for the exam in april.

In the meantime, get ready for the March Basic Driving test.

Happy new year

The food at Baba Inn was excellent. We had Promfret, crayfish, prawns, prok ribs Sioh, ayam buat keluat, sambal ladys' finger, nonya chap chai, otak, mini octopus, ngoh hiang. Yummy!

I have one week break after till next week.

Got to start studying no joke. I just can't find the motivation somehow.

Anyway, I must stay happy. Happy new year!! hopefully this pig survives well in the year of tiger like wat the fengshui master said yesterday.

May 2010 tiger yr be a better year

Honestly, I never expect the last lunar week of the yr of ox to be so bad. well yes i got a promotion, but everything else was bad. Sigh. All I wish for this coming yr is good health. I need a getaway really. I hope I win this battle. All I want is to enjoy the upcoming reunion dinner. I hope I'm given a chance though.

Frustrations of life.

I hope for all these to be over.

Happy? New year.

At 438am, I was woken up by a nightmare. And the worst thing was, I was disturbed in my own house by my grandfather in my dreams. It was scary... I suppose the fact that I didn't off the lights nor sleep in a comfortable position but fell asleep with tons of issues in my head and heart caused me to end up with disrupted sleep.

I just signed up for two papers in April to continue my insurance qualifications. Now I'm having second thoughts because at work, I'm so loaded. I have also finally signed up for my driving theory tests. Maybe it's because I have 2 months that I can stay in sg therefore I try to take up things which I can't plan earlier all into the march and April scedule. Hiaz but it seems I may need to travel in march and April.

It's the stress of having to take on things alone and always having to deal with mgmt that makes the job exciting but at the same time, super stressful.

Well, at least I manage to clear one issue off my head. Reunion dinner this year we are eating out. I have chosen this peranakan place, Baba Inn.

Cny cny... I need to pack my room and I hate to do housekeeping!!!!!

First post in 2010

As of today, my plans for 2010 cant be fixed until after this week i guess.

Luck is all I need and the ball is no longer in my court.

I was told to draft and send the email but somehow, this was a very difficult and brain wrecking one. It involves so much strategy and although i havent even had a complete draft out, I have been thinking about it the moment I manage to free up space in my head the past 3 days.

I just cant continue. I dont want to position myself this way at this point in time. But maybe I should heed the ang mo's advice. Afterall, the recipient is another ang mo.

Hmm... I have already come this far, I should just do it. It's either i send the email at 130am, or at like 600am in a few hours' time. Else, I wont have internet access until tomorrow night in Yantai, assuming I get no delays. By then, I would think my email is no longer useful. And sounding desperate is the last thing I want to do.

I spent the whole weekend having pre-birthday celebrations with friends and family. Next weekend would be at Harbin, hopefully enjoying the ice festival. Not sure if my camera, watch, hp etc will be working at a -28 deg C temperature. Like what MC said, my eyeballs would probably be frozen by then.

Silently, I hope this is the last trip, if not the second last to Yantai.

Ironically for some reasons, I think I am beginning to settle down finally in Yantai with the house, the gals, the SG group and at work, Costing & estimation are picking up my insurance and are coming forth for more discussions.

Too late. At least, Too bad.