On that night, on that very night, I couldnt believe my eyes.
I was greeted at the doorstep by this little pale looking butterfly.
Photograph, always that photograph and I only got as far as the photograph.
Just as I was about to leave, I got pulled back in, full force.
I feel it, so much.
I am very very touched by what I heard.
I sincerely hope and pray for you and her.
May the blessings tide you through, always.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Giddy. Severe lack of sleep. Exhausted. Tight deadlines. Endless demands.
Only one way to get by.
Stay optimistic about things. Rather, Keep a very good state of balance where amidst all these pressure, the mind is clear and doesnt get cluttered with negative thoughts.
I try. I push myself. I am still pushing myself.
I have to get it done. I will get it done.
The opportunity is here. This time, I am really happy that I now myself moving somewhere meaningfully. Not that it hasnt been, it's just that the thoughts and ideas were hardly crystalised. I have a better picture. Also, I am glad to be their first product! Haha.. I get to set the system, I get to create, change, create, change. Amidst all these, follow the direction, follow the instructions.
Make or break. I am not accepting a break. I have to make it.
I love this "coffee".
Stay optimistic about things. Rather, Keep a very good state of balance where amidst all these pressure, the mind is clear and doesnt get cluttered with negative thoughts.
I try. I push myself. I am still pushing myself.
I have to get it done. I will get it done.
The opportunity is here. This time, I am really happy that I now myself moving somewhere meaningfully. Not that it hasnt been, it's just that the thoughts and ideas were hardly crystalised. I have a better picture. Also, I am glad to be their first product! Haha.. I get to set the system, I get to create, change, create, change. Amidst all these, follow the direction, follow the instructions.
Make or break. I am not accepting a break. I have to make it.
I love this "coffee".
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Extremes
Yup, in a matter of 2 days, once again, my heart and my mood was yanked from one end to the other end.
I am very confused.
I am so confused and so scared, I cant help it, I cried.
Its been a long while and I guess I have been keeping things inside me for too long. I hardly cry anymore these days. Maybe cos my tear glands are no longer active.
SIGH.
I am losing control of my life. At least things which i would expect or would gladly want to control.
Maybe I should just live each day in stride. Whatever comes along, yeah.. I will let it be. Whatever things that Im losing, maybe I shouldnt hold or grasp anymore. But that is against who I am, but this very nature of me is making me unhappy. Im not sure how still. Like I said, confused.
Im not sure if the way I think is correct, I bare my thoughts with people and yeah... They will tell me if they think otherwise. And sometimes I would explain my point, they think it is ok. I do keep my thoughts in check. The last thing I want happen to me is to be stuck in these series of thoughts and not knowing that they are perhaps wrong.. I might grow so strongly to defend them that whoever challenges I will attack. That is bad.
I am in an environment where change is the only constant.
I cannot afford to be resistant to change. I have to embrace it gracefully and react swiftly. Of course, under that kind of circumstance, adrenalin surge, cold hands and cold feet would come and when deadline is tight... heart keeps on pounding.
At the end of the day, after braving through all these, I simply yearn for comfort and peace. And of course, I need some kind of emotional support too.
But... I will try to be happpy, in fact, I am happy to have a bunch of colleagues... My girlies who are also full of crap. And they are very funny!!!
Ok. I move on with my life. I pick up from where I left on. Wipe away the tears. I begin.
I am very confused.
I am so confused and so scared, I cant help it, I cried.
Its been a long while and I guess I have been keeping things inside me for too long. I hardly cry anymore these days. Maybe cos my tear glands are no longer active.
SIGH.
I am losing control of my life. At least things which i would expect or would gladly want to control.
Maybe I should just live each day in stride. Whatever comes along, yeah.. I will let it be. Whatever things that Im losing, maybe I shouldnt hold or grasp anymore. But that is against who I am, but this very nature of me is making me unhappy. Im not sure how still. Like I said, confused.
Im not sure if the way I think is correct, I bare my thoughts with people and yeah... They will tell me if they think otherwise. And sometimes I would explain my point, they think it is ok. I do keep my thoughts in check. The last thing I want happen to me is to be stuck in these series of thoughts and not knowing that they are perhaps wrong.. I might grow so strongly to defend them that whoever challenges I will attack. That is bad.
I am in an environment where change is the only constant.
I cannot afford to be resistant to change. I have to embrace it gracefully and react swiftly. Of course, under that kind of circumstance, adrenalin surge, cold hands and cold feet would come and when deadline is tight... heart keeps on pounding.
At the end of the day, after braving through all these, I simply yearn for comfort and peace. And of course, I need some kind of emotional support too.
But... I will try to be happpy, in fact, I am happy to have a bunch of colleagues... My girlies who are also full of crap. And they are very funny!!!
Ok. I move on with my life. I pick up from where I left on. Wipe away the tears. I begin.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Motivation refilled
I couldnt sleep well last night. There is a very unsettling feeling in both my heart and my head. I know what caused it, rather, what are the issues that caused it.
I realised that I have decended into a state of mini depression and stress.
Im beginning to breathe more slowly, and taking shorter breaths, not enough O2.
Sigh.
I have to be the one to accept and make the change or I will forever be stuck at this position.
It is easy to make a decision but sticking to that decision is tough.
I think it is time I take the control back and be dead firm about what I want from this point on.
The work stress has just ballooned. I cannot afford to let other things, which do not have much value at the end of the day, affect my work. There are things that are worth spending time and there are those better to do without.
I NEED to get back in form.
I will be going back to my gym and my pool.
Will complete my books and I have to get in touch with the news and magazines before I lose my sanity.
I want to pick up a language, most prob spanish.
I need to change my wardrobe by clearing out 30% of the clothes FIRST.
I need to get rid of the OLD stuff, old notes, rubbish things that are taking up space in my room, my living room and clogging up my space at home and polluting my emotional well-being cos they are part of the mess.
And then I move on.
A new life. A new beginning.
I realised that I have decended into a state of mini depression and stress.
Im beginning to breathe more slowly, and taking shorter breaths, not enough O2.
Sigh.
I have to be the one to accept and make the change or I will forever be stuck at this position.
It is easy to make a decision but sticking to that decision is tough.
I think it is time I take the control back and be dead firm about what I want from this point on.
The work stress has just ballooned. I cannot afford to let other things, which do not have much value at the end of the day, affect my work. There are things that are worth spending time and there are those better to do without.
I NEED to get back in form.
I will be going back to my gym and my pool.
Will complete my books and I have to get in touch with the news and magazines before I lose my sanity.
I want to pick up a language, most prob spanish.
I need to change my wardrobe by clearing out 30% of the clothes FIRST.
I need to get rid of the OLD stuff, old notes, rubbish things that are taking up space in my room, my living room and clogging up my space at home and polluting my emotional well-being cos they are part of the mess.
And then I move on.
A new life. A new beginning.
I feel so stretched.
Its upsetting to be judged in a way I never expected myself to be.
There is one big dream out there that he sees. I sort of saw it and was full of motivation to achieve that too. Our directions are aligned and of course, he will usually show me more.
He made my heart sank on one day and the very next, he lifted my spirits with that one hour talk.
I lost it. But i guess he realised that I have lost it and so perhaps that was what his coming in again was all about. He is trying to guide me again. And he is trying to ignite that fire within me to achieve something that we sort of both wanted.
His words and his expectations are great. He believed in me. So much. He is again, trying to push me to achieve something I never thought I would be able to. At least, I never expected that he would believe that I have the capability to.
I am beginning to understand him more.
Hopefully something good will come out of it. How long it will last none of us are sure. For now, this is the only way. At least, I dun think I have a choice. Or perhaps, I have already made a choice.
There is one big dream out there that he sees. I sort of saw it and was full of motivation to achieve that too. Our directions are aligned and of course, he will usually show me more.
He made my heart sank on one day and the very next, he lifted my spirits with that one hour talk.
I lost it. But i guess he realised that I have lost it and so perhaps that was what his coming in again was all about. He is trying to guide me again. And he is trying to ignite that fire within me to achieve something that we sort of both wanted.
His words and his expectations are great. He believed in me. So much. He is again, trying to push me to achieve something I never thought I would be able to. At least, I never expected that he would believe that I have the capability to.
I am beginning to understand him more.
Hopefully something good will come out of it. How long it will last none of us are sure. For now, this is the only way. At least, I dun think I have a choice. Or perhaps, I have already made a choice.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Still lost
I have decided to not drag this issue cos i feel totally uncomfortable. I guess i need to sort things out within myself before i can move on from here. However, I dun think that this is the end though there isnt much of a beginning because the reply i got doesnt seem to suggest any sign of end.
"SEE HOW". Haha... Im not sure if this is what it is all about anyway. Maybe I am just not used to it. I have my thinking and certain guiding principles for different aspects of my life. It doesnt matter that people have been dealing with it differently but i guess this is me.
I do not have a direction of where I should be heading. My heart feels partly trapped and depending on how you look at it, it is also partly freed.
I was a little lost ever since I returned from HK.
The whole of this week was the worst cos I was not only depressed every night, I feel that I am held hostage by my inability to "see" things anymore.
I am tired of talking to myself in my head, holding conversations, playing the different scenarios and having lots of "what if"s. I am not that thoroughly happy but I cannot find any reason as to why I should be unhappy. And because there is no reason to be unhappy, yet I am still feeling unhappy, I seriously think my spiritual well-being is deteriorating.
Anyway, I am looking forward to my next rotation to the Finance department. Hate it when I have lost touch of my finance knowledge. I am ashame to tell people that I am a finance major man. I need to get back in shape and for the sake of my school, I shall make sure that I am worthy of the fact that I am a finance major. I guess to really learn well, it is one thing at a time.
HR has lots of knowledge but seriously, at least for here, for now, skills are the most important. Its very interesting to see live "Harvard cases" especially on leadership and management skills. I think I have seen the both the best and the worst of leadership in this three months. I had the most busy and stressful working life in this department (well, I can only compare to procurement). There is no knowledge that is too difficult to be acquired. However, some skills, when you lack, it will be so bad that you keep making the same mistakes, not that they are exactly the same things, but they are the result of a consistant lack of a specific skills that you keep committing the same set of mistake. You know what's the danger in the lack of skills? PEople seldom realise that they are deficient in skills. It is easy to identify a dificiency in knowledge and it is easy to remedy that. However, most people are not aware that their lack of skills and common sense are the root problems to all their mistakes.
Hmm... Anyway, as I was saying, one department at a time. I cant learn all different aspects in depth at one go. I am enjoying this 3 months thingie cos I think I cant really stay longer in places I truly do not see myself continuing. Maybe I would stop and insist on staying at a certain department halfway through my rotation. Maybe I would never find a place that I wanna stay. Haha...
Each rotation gave me exposure to not just a different set of jobscope in each department, it also gives me exposure to the different leadership style of the different managers and VPs, and exposure to the different leading directors. All these are essential for me to decide where I would like to be stationed too.
Hiaz, perhaps I was trying to find out what I want in life. But I cannot see and do not have a direction. That uncertainty is killing me. SOFTLY.
"SEE HOW". Haha... Im not sure if this is what it is all about anyway. Maybe I am just not used to it. I have my thinking and certain guiding principles for different aspects of my life. It doesnt matter that people have been dealing with it differently but i guess this is me.
I do not have a direction of where I should be heading. My heart feels partly trapped and depending on how you look at it, it is also partly freed.
I was a little lost ever since I returned from HK.
The whole of this week was the worst cos I was not only depressed every night, I feel that I am held hostage by my inability to "see" things anymore.
I am tired of talking to myself in my head, holding conversations, playing the different scenarios and having lots of "what if"s. I am not that thoroughly happy but I cannot find any reason as to why I should be unhappy. And because there is no reason to be unhappy, yet I am still feeling unhappy, I seriously think my spiritual well-being is deteriorating.
Anyway, I am looking forward to my next rotation to the Finance department. Hate it when I have lost touch of my finance knowledge. I am ashame to tell people that I am a finance major man. I need to get back in shape and for the sake of my school, I shall make sure that I am worthy of the fact that I am a finance major. I guess to really learn well, it is one thing at a time.
HR has lots of knowledge but seriously, at least for here, for now, skills are the most important. Its very interesting to see live "Harvard cases" especially on leadership and management skills. I think I have seen the both the best and the worst of leadership in this three months. I had the most busy and stressful working life in this department (well, I can only compare to procurement). There is no knowledge that is too difficult to be acquired. However, some skills, when you lack, it will be so bad that you keep making the same mistakes, not that they are exactly the same things, but they are the result of a consistant lack of a specific skills that you keep committing the same set of mistake. You know what's the danger in the lack of skills? PEople seldom realise that they are deficient in skills. It is easy to identify a dificiency in knowledge and it is easy to remedy that. However, most people are not aware that their lack of skills and common sense are the root problems to all their mistakes.
Hmm... Anyway, as I was saying, one department at a time. I cant learn all different aspects in depth at one go. I am enjoying this 3 months thingie cos I think I cant really stay longer in places I truly do not see myself continuing. Maybe I would stop and insist on staying at a certain department halfway through my rotation. Maybe I would never find a place that I wanna stay. Haha...
Each rotation gave me exposure to not just a different set of jobscope in each department, it also gives me exposure to the different leadership style of the different managers and VPs, and exposure to the different leading directors. All these are essential for me to decide where I would like to be stationed too.
Hiaz, perhaps I was trying to find out what I want in life. But I cannot see and do not have a direction. That uncertainty is killing me. SOFTLY.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I need to travel again
Bring me to tibet, where the mountains and hills will fill my heart with their never-ending stories.
Bring me to Greece. Let the culture and history fill my heart and lift my soul.
I sort of reasoned out why i am pretty addicted to travelling. When you feel that little tad of loneliness abroad, you know it's home that you are missing.
But if you are home and you still continue to feel that tad of loneliness, you know that it is kind of depressing. It's not extreme depression. Its a subtle depression. Where you do feel a little lost, feel a little empty, and you cant help but feel that it is time to start travelling again.
I have always wanted to travel with someone i hold dearly to heart but till now, I havent had the chance to. People say that is a make or break thingie, cos when you spend absolutely 24 hours with the other person, it is pretty hard to hide the true colors from either side.
That aside, let's focus on the good things. Certainly when you see something beautiful, out of this world, and ya heart starts to beat faster and ya head is filled with nothing but the fantasy of the moment, you want someone to be there to feel and see it too. You want someone to share that very bit too.
I enjoy parts of it. Not all of it. But until i begin to open wholeheartedly, I would rather not have it...
Bring me to Greece. Let the culture and history fill my heart and lift my soul.
I sort of reasoned out why i am pretty addicted to travelling. When you feel that little tad of loneliness abroad, you know it's home that you are missing.
But if you are home and you still continue to feel that tad of loneliness, you know that it is kind of depressing. It's not extreme depression. Its a subtle depression. Where you do feel a little lost, feel a little empty, and you cant help but feel that it is time to start travelling again.
I have always wanted to travel with someone i hold dearly to heart but till now, I havent had the chance to. People say that is a make or break thingie, cos when you spend absolutely 24 hours with the other person, it is pretty hard to hide the true colors from either side.
That aside, let's focus on the good things. Certainly when you see something beautiful, out of this world, and ya heart starts to beat faster and ya head is filled with nothing but the fantasy of the moment, you want someone to be there to feel and see it too. You want someone to share that very bit too.
I enjoy parts of it. Not all of it. But until i begin to open wholeheartedly, I would rather not have it...
Monday, June 18, 2007
Love Shrek!
But I love Puss in Boots more.
The movie so brilliantly created. I love how they put all the fairy tales together and made a story out of each of them.
Its true how people never focus on the rest of the characters in the fairly tales.
Its a simple show. Good for a after-dinner laugh. Nothing much to think about.
And I saw the Harry Porters' Preview. I WANNA CATCH IT FOR SURE! It sure is getting darker. But hey... I love the creation of it, the characters, the plot, the props, the backdrop, every single thing. Haha... I got a FREE OPTION that can be exercised anytime I want for this movie. I have the right but not the obligation to exercise it. Sorry, option owner, you are OBLIGED to watch with me when i EXERCISE IT!! haha...
And I wanna catch the SHu Qi Movie too.
Ocean 13 coming up next...
I cant help but feel a little flattered about what carrie whispered to me today. Haha.. Shall not disclose it here.
Think now is the best time to explore. And I shall wait. Patiently... For the ONE.
I had some kind of enlightenment talking to the two jasons yesterday. JT said... that there are two kinds of relationships to him. He wasnt sure about what other guys think, but to him, there are 2.
1st: Exclusive kinds... These are the relationships where he knows that he is taking it seriously and he doesnt date other gals nor does he allow his partner to date other guys. There is bringing the gal home to meet friends, parents, etc... EXCLUSIVE. And they meet up often.
2nd: Non exclusive kinds.. They meet once a week. HE doesnt bring his girl out to meet friends, family etc. When he realises that the other one is dating other peeps, he does not attempt to stop her.
And JO tells me about how man with no career, no love. That's why they focus so much on career. But my point is, if you cant juggle career and rel, what makes you think you can juggle family and career?
Chinese saying... 先成家， 后立业。Set up a family first, then you build your career. I dun think it measn literally like must get married first even with no financial ability. But to totally just put rel to the last, and focus 100% on career, seriously, how happy can one really be?
As someone who has been working for 6 months on a full time basis, not that it is a long time, but i do see how everyone, at the end of the day, are only after one thing. I dun think it is about maturity or ability. It is simply the mentality.
I am seriously contemplating ruling out guys from 24-28. They do not know what they want in life man.
Those who value and understand what life is all about, will not be simply pursuing the material needs, to satisfy the surface wants. Im not saying these are not important, money is important. But I truly believe that one can really only go far, and go far happily when they are motivated by the intangible and the most beautiful things in life. I dun think that money, status, nor the so called CAREER can bring one to that level. Of couse you may argue that to you, that is the most beautiful thing in life. Well.. that is a personal choice but i certainly would think that you have not experienced life.
One thing for sure and i still strongly believe, Career, relationships, or family are NON Mutually exclusive. They can co-exist.
I see how a this aquaintance of mine, who is a high flyer, is still extremely nice and super sweet to his gf. It isnt about spending every single minute together. It isnt just about doing something big. It is about the small little things, the very sweet and very reassuring acts of him even when he was so ultra busy that seriously makes me look at him with a different light. There, career is important. And yes, rels are important too. When you have given your word, stay true to them.
Ultimately, what makes a man a man, I feel, is his sense of responsibility.
I am definitely not a believer of a non-exclusive relationship. Its either you get into one, stay true or you stay away and stop playing this stupid games with not just other people's feelings, but your own too.
Life is short. Seriously. Treasure every single moment and live each moment to the fullest.
The movie so brilliantly created. I love how they put all the fairy tales together and made a story out of each of them.
Its true how people never focus on the rest of the characters in the fairly tales.
Its a simple show. Good for a after-dinner laugh. Nothing much to think about.
And I saw the Harry Porters' Preview. I WANNA CATCH IT FOR SURE! It sure is getting darker. But hey... I love the creation of it, the characters, the plot, the props, the backdrop, every single thing. Haha... I got a FREE OPTION that can be exercised anytime I want for this movie. I have the right but not the obligation to exercise it. Sorry, option owner, you are OBLIGED to watch with me when i EXERCISE IT!! haha...
And I wanna catch the SHu Qi Movie too.
Ocean 13 coming up next...
I cant help but feel a little flattered about what carrie whispered to me today. Haha.. Shall not disclose it here.
Think now is the best time to explore. And I shall wait. Patiently... For the ONE.
I had some kind of enlightenment talking to the two jasons yesterday. JT said... that there are two kinds of relationships to him. He wasnt sure about what other guys think, but to him, there are 2.
1st: Exclusive kinds... These are the relationships where he knows that he is taking it seriously and he doesnt date other gals nor does he allow his partner to date other guys. There is bringing the gal home to meet friends, parents, etc... EXCLUSIVE. And they meet up often.
2nd: Non exclusive kinds.. They meet once a week. HE doesnt bring his girl out to meet friends, family etc. When he realises that the other one is dating other peeps, he does not attempt to stop her.
And JO tells me about how man with no career, no love. That's why they focus so much on career. But my point is, if you cant juggle career and rel, what makes you think you can juggle family and career?
Chinese saying... 先成家， 后立业。Set up a family first, then you build your career. I dun think it measn literally like must get married first even with no financial ability. But to totally just put rel to the last, and focus 100% on career, seriously, how happy can one really be?
As someone who has been working for 6 months on a full time basis, not that it is a long time, but i do see how everyone, at the end of the day, are only after one thing. I dun think it is about maturity or ability. It is simply the mentality.
I am seriously contemplating ruling out guys from 24-28. They do not know what they want in life man.
Those who value and understand what life is all about, will not be simply pursuing the material needs, to satisfy the surface wants. Im not saying these are not important, money is important. But I truly believe that one can really only go far, and go far happily when they are motivated by the intangible and the most beautiful things in life. I dun think that money, status, nor the so called CAREER can bring one to that level. Of couse you may argue that to you, that is the most beautiful thing in life. Well.. that is a personal choice but i certainly would think that you have not experienced life.
One thing for sure and i still strongly believe, Career, relationships, or family are NON Mutually exclusive. They can co-exist.
I see how a this aquaintance of mine, who is a high flyer, is still extremely nice and super sweet to his gf. It isnt about spending every single minute together. It isnt just about doing something big. It is about the small little things, the very sweet and very reassuring acts of him even when he was so ultra busy that seriously makes me look at him with a different light. There, career is important. And yes, rels are important too. When you have given your word, stay true to them.
Ultimately, what makes a man a man, I feel, is his sense of responsibility.
I am definitely not a believer of a non-exclusive relationship. Its either you get into one, stay true or you stay away and stop playing this stupid games with not just other people's feelings, but your own too.
Life is short. Seriously. Treasure every single moment and live each moment to the fullest.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
I Miss you!!
Ji Yoon...
Havent talked to you for so long. Each time i savour Korean Cuisines, I cant help but think of the times we had together in BKK. Also, I miss ya mum's kim chih, small fish and cuttlefish. So yummy!!
Wonder how you are doing now. We need to stay in touch!
Chris, Tracy, Tarn, Nas
I miss you girls too. We need a V-Tea room gathering! Adrian is attempting to join in our girly gathering.. think he is planning some cup cake party at Tracy's. Haha.. Tracy, have fun! Chris, Congratulations to you and ya dream job! Tarn and NAs, I have no idea what is going on in ya lives. Cant wait for commencement too!! Let's take loads and loads of pictures!
Havent talked to you for so long. Each time i savour Korean Cuisines, I cant help but think of the times we had together in BKK. Also, I miss ya mum's kim chih, small fish and cuttlefish. So yummy!!
Wonder how you are doing now. We need to stay in touch!
Chris, Tracy, Tarn, Nas
I miss you girls too. We need a V-Tea room gathering! Adrian is attempting to join in our girly gathering.. think he is planning some cup cake party at Tracy's. Haha.. Tracy, have fun! Chris, Congratulations to you and ya dream job! Tarn and NAs, I have no idea what is going on in ya lives. Cant wait for commencement too!! Let's take loads and loads of pictures!
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Me Precious Saturday
Ooh Im a happy girl today.
Its good to feel valued again.
Its good to have Shiying back again.
Its good to be able to disturb wongso anytime with a call.
Its good to be just home-bound for a while.. on a chilly, lazy saturday afternoon.
BUT
I have got work to do. Lots of reading...
And im looking forward to the series of movies that i will be catching these few days...
Fantastic 4, shrek and ocean's 13!
Yuppie!!
Waiting to meet SY back at our homely AMK. haha... Im excited about eating the yummy hawker food. Im a little sick and tired of Orchard man... Shall try to stay away from that place.
Reflection:
I sort of lost my cool a little yesterday at work.. cos they had to last min remember to do the task which was due at 6:00pm at 530pm. And not only that, out of the 3 things to be sent out, 2 wasnt done. I have not read their resume at all... And I was pressured to rush out a profile in like what? 10 min. That is not the worst part, the worst part is some of the information is missing. And the peeps in china are already off enjoying their weekend after 5:00pm.
Sigh.
And that wasnt my duty.
I am totally fine with covering someone else's duties. But this involves mass email. Meaning anything wrong.. Im first to get it. And I have seen how some people got it.
I would demand a little more reasonable amount of time and relevant information rather than to send out some things which are not my 100% kind of work under my name.
That is unfair.
And I hate that.
Totally.
Its good to feel valued again.
Its good to have Shiying back again.
Its good to be able to disturb wongso anytime with a call.
Its good to be just home-bound for a while.. on a chilly, lazy saturday afternoon.
BUT
I have got work to do. Lots of reading...
And im looking forward to the series of movies that i will be catching these few days...
Fantastic 4, shrek and ocean's 13!
Yuppie!!
Waiting to meet SY back at our homely AMK. haha... Im excited about eating the yummy hawker food. Im a little sick and tired of Orchard man... Shall try to stay away from that place.
Reflection:
I sort of lost my cool a little yesterday at work.. cos they had to last min remember to do the task which was due at 6:00pm at 530pm. And not only that, out of the 3 things to be sent out, 2 wasnt done. I have not read their resume at all... And I was pressured to rush out a profile in like what? 10 min. That is not the worst part, the worst part is some of the information is missing. And the peeps in china are already off enjoying their weekend after 5:00pm.
Sigh.
And that wasnt my duty.
I am totally fine with covering someone else's duties. But this involves mass email. Meaning anything wrong.. Im first to get it. And I have seen how some people got it.
I would demand a little more reasonable amount of time and relevant information rather than to send out some things which are not my 100% kind of work under my name.
That is unfair.
And I hate that.
Totally.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
So we work hard and play even harder...
I think i mentioned this before...
My sec school has this motto: with constancy and purpose.
Vj has this line: Nil Sine Labore.. ( Nothing without labour)
SMU.. no line but... we all learn that you can do a damn good job, be damn pro, full of content and ALSO... LOOK GOOD, beautify your work and of course, yourself to market everything as a whole package.
In my present company: From my directors, my colleagues.. we all learn... to drink of course, that is part of the training... And to work hard BUT play even harder. No work when playing... No play while working.
I guess it is not about just making a choice of doing one thing right, it is the skill of juggling everything.. having a balance and making sure that EVERYTHING goes on WELL. That is possible. It is not as if if we are striving for a good career, we should neglect our family, our health, our selves, our friends, our lives. NOT TRUE.
I love hanging out with all my colleagues.. Today's bonding session was awesome! Last friday's too... The guys are always travelling and we hardly get time to bond with them. Haha.. And I love my girlies in the office too... Fun, smart, pretty, with a good sense of humor. Best sales kakis, gossip kakis, professional and willing to share... I just love hanging out with them. They are DAMN FUNNY TOO...
I told them about how I saw this ferrari driver got into an accident. They were appalled at how I just continued on with the cab. Their suggestion: GO AND KNOW THE DRIVER... despite the fact that his head was bleeding profusely... Even if he prolly cant drive anymore in SG, he prolly can hire a driver, even if he is not a good catch, his friends might be. HAha...
But these are just big talks. They are all nice and sweet ladies all true to their boy boy at home. We talk about everything... and anything. LAugh and laugh everyday.
Being the youngest in the company, I have a lot to learn from each of them....
I love my job, I love the peeps... I am happy with my big boss too...
The empowerment is a great form of motivation for me. Although it also means a great source of stress cos I dare not screw things up.
I enjoy meeting new peeps at work. Once again, the exposure here is definitely one that is most condusive for a mgmt trainee to learn. Despite some hiccups here and there, I love this BIG family!!
My sec school has this motto: with constancy and purpose.
Vj has this line: Nil Sine Labore.. ( Nothing without labour)
SMU.. no line but... we all learn that you can do a damn good job, be damn pro, full of content and ALSO... LOOK GOOD, beautify your work and of course, yourself to market everything as a whole package.
In my present company: From my directors, my colleagues.. we all learn... to drink of course, that is part of the training... And to work hard BUT play even harder. No work when playing... No play while working.
I guess it is not about just making a choice of doing one thing right, it is the skill of juggling everything.. having a balance and making sure that EVERYTHING goes on WELL. That is possible. It is not as if if we are striving for a good career, we should neglect our family, our health, our selves, our friends, our lives. NOT TRUE.
I love hanging out with all my colleagues.. Today's bonding session was awesome! Last friday's too... The guys are always travelling and we hardly get time to bond with them. Haha.. And I love my girlies in the office too... Fun, smart, pretty, with a good sense of humor. Best sales kakis, gossip kakis, professional and willing to share... I just love hanging out with them. They are DAMN FUNNY TOO...
I told them about how I saw this ferrari driver got into an accident. They were appalled at how I just continued on with the cab. Their suggestion: GO AND KNOW THE DRIVER... despite the fact that his head was bleeding profusely... Even if he prolly cant drive anymore in SG, he prolly can hire a driver, even if he is not a good catch, his friends might be. HAha...
But these are just big talks. They are all nice and sweet ladies all true to their boy boy at home. We talk about everything... and anything. LAugh and laugh everyday.
Being the youngest in the company, I have a lot to learn from each of them....
I love my job, I love the peeps... I am happy with my big boss too...
The empowerment is a great form of motivation for me. Although it also means a great source of stress cos I dare not screw things up.
I enjoy meeting new peeps at work. Once again, the exposure here is definitely one that is most condusive for a mgmt trainee to learn. Despite some hiccups here and there, I love this BIG family!!
Monday, June 11, 2007
HATE HOUSEWORK!
I will make sure I get a house keeper next time.
I absolutely hate to do housework because I simply cannot motivate myself to go pack stuff, iron clothes and wash things. I hate these kind of mundane things and to me, this is an absolute drain of energy plus an absolute waste of time. This is a problem that money can resolve and so I shall let money solve the problem. NEXT TIME.
BUT I still love to cook. I dun really mind washing dishes but the washing up the whole kitchen after cooking plus wiping the oven makes me think twice about cooking.
I HATE to iron clothes.. Maybe cos I have been doing that independently since primary school. ANd I ABSOLUTELY hate it. BUT I will not wear shirt that is not ironed out.. except to go to like opp my house, with my ugly nerd specs. But That is an agony. I dun mind employing a housekeeper who cant cook next time cos I can and I love to cook, but I CANNOT accept a housekeeper who cannot iron.
I Want and need a place to be neat and tidy for me to think, to work efficiently and to basically focus on every other aspect of my life, be it play or work. I dun like to be messy. YES my room now is PRETTY MESSY but I will go tidy it up cos I get easily agitated and depressed staying in a messy room for too long.
Ok. I need to go clean my place up.
I wish my Genie is here to help me do the work. ENOUGH of housework.
I absolutely hate to do housework because I simply cannot motivate myself to go pack stuff, iron clothes and wash things. I hate these kind of mundane things and to me, this is an absolute drain of energy plus an absolute waste of time. This is a problem that money can resolve and so I shall let money solve the problem. NEXT TIME.
BUT I still love to cook. I dun really mind washing dishes but the washing up the whole kitchen after cooking plus wiping the oven makes me think twice about cooking.
I HATE to iron clothes.. Maybe cos I have been doing that independently since primary school. ANd I ABSOLUTELY hate it. BUT I will not wear shirt that is not ironed out.. except to go to like opp my house, with my ugly nerd specs. But That is an agony. I dun mind employing a housekeeper who cant cook next time cos I can and I love to cook, but I CANNOT accept a housekeeper who cannot iron.
I Want and need a place to be neat and tidy for me to think, to work efficiently and to basically focus on every other aspect of my life, be it play or work. I dun like to be messy. YES my room now is PRETTY MESSY but I will go tidy it up cos I get easily agitated and depressed staying in a messy room for too long.
Ok. I need to go clean my place up.
I wish my Genie is here to help me do the work. ENOUGH of housework.
Happy Valley, Outside some Dessert House, and the reason why I almost missed my flight
We went to catch horse racing at Happy Valley.. until I know how to upload a video.. hha.. im sorry, you guys can only enjoy the still pictures.
The second pic was taken outside this Beary nice desert place. All thanks to Chiman and his friends... In that group pic, there were only 3 singaporeans, the rest are all Hongkies.. but the common thing among all of us.. we have all at one point in our lives, spend some time schooling in Singapore. Its fun hanging out with the Hongkies. And I was glad.. Arthur, my Fixed income project mate still remembers me.
And that was the last unglam pic of me eating my XU LIU SHAN Dessert. That was black glutinous rice in Almond tea, and the yellow thingie happens to be a damn sinful but horribly delicious mango pancake.
More pics....
Wee.... Shiying and sis... Shiting.. And Chiman... The fake hongkie. Haha.. Chi man is a farnie guy... We had a trip up to the Peak.. check out the view... the rest of the pics were taken at Lan Kwai Fong. The last one was taken along the streets... I cant remember where....
Sunday, June 10, 2007
A little lost
Perhaps its the lack of sleep that im feeling a tiny weeny bit depressed.
But deep inside im worried about her health.
Also, I think im losing myself a little. I have changed a bit. I changed to be this way to protect myself. Cos i know that should I go back to who i used to be, at least for this aspect of my life, I will end up hurting myself. I dun want to get hurt again.
But then again, because this is not me, I am facing another set of problem. I dun like to constantly hold back.
Finally I felt it.
I know Im losing it.
Maybe these are only the result of my thoughts running a little too wild.
But Im not there that's for sure. And I wanna make sure that when i eventually reach there, I am who I am. I dun wanna change my style and hold back this way. This is not me. I believe in 100%, I shall not be giving 60% just cos I have eventually gotten used to giving 60%.
Maybe it was afterall a dream.
Whether it is meant to be, I wouldnt know.
But I know, I still havent found my footing.
But deep inside im worried about her health.
Also, I think im losing myself a little. I have changed a bit. I changed to be this way to protect myself. Cos i know that should I go back to who i used to be, at least for this aspect of my life, I will end up hurting myself. I dun want to get hurt again.
But then again, because this is not me, I am facing another set of problem. I dun like to constantly hold back.
Finally I felt it.
I know Im losing it.
Maybe these are only the result of my thoughts running a little too wild.
But Im not there that's for sure. And I wanna make sure that when i eventually reach there, I am who I am. I dun wanna change my style and hold back this way. This is not me. I believe in 100%, I shall not be giving 60% just cos I have eventually gotten used to giving 60%.
Maybe it was afterall a dream.
Whether it is meant to be, I wouldnt know.
But I know, I still havent found my footing.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Hearty Meal.. And I feel so LOVED.
Thank you to my Jie Jie for the simple but scrumptious and heart-warming meal.
It's been a while since I was last able to head home with the knowledge of a home cooked meal waiting for me at home. This is one of the best feeling ever. And Very often, I think, no matter how hard you work or how much money you earn, what we are after at the end of the day, is to be able to head home and enjoy a simple meal with the loved ones. I truly appreciate home cooked food. That, to me, is a luxury.
The meal today was great, there was papa, mummy, kor kor and jie jie and ah gong around. Nelle and Dyason wasnt around. So this totally reminds me of how things were when we were still young.
Well... Let me do a post-trip write up.
I had a wonderful time in HK. Greatest thanks to SHIYING & DARRYL.
I know its not easy to play host especially when sy you have exams to attend to. I really appreciate the effort and time in travelling to macau for me.
Darryl also sacrificed his time and effort and came down to macau JUST to meet me and bring my luggage back to HK. And he gave up his bed to me, and slept in the living room. Nic was nice... Haha.. although half the time he was already sleeping... But Im glad that he was also totally cool with the idea that im bumping around in their house.
I had a few "FIRSTS".
First time I took so many thrill rides at one go. Once again, I conquered my weakness. Sao siong made me realise that I was able to achieve what I thought I never would,
I learnt one BIG LESSON.
This was the first time I was so unprepared for a flight. My flight back to SG from HK was scheduled at 8pm. Guess what, at 7pm, I was still on the bus nearing the airport. That was the first time that I took that bus so I am totally not familiar with the route. I have no idea where to alight and it doesnt help that my flight is in one hour's time. My body was still aching from the lugging of that 23 KG luggage over like 3 streets... I never knew that I would be able to single-handedly carry and lug and drag all the luggage all the way to the bus stop and up the bus.
Imagine this.. with all these luggage, and I was already totally drained, and that I know that I might miss my flight, I was still sitting on the bus. SO, finally, I saw the terminal, I lug all the luggage down and ran and drag and did whatever I could to the check in counter. It doenst help again that the united airline check in counter is right at the other side of that terminal.
The first thing i did was to go take a trolley and I hurried over to UA counter.
I WAS EXTREMELY BLESSED!!!!
The flight was delayed for 1.5 hours.
I seriously would have missed it otherwise. No joke. Cos by the time I reached the airport, it was already 730. HOW??
Well, I landed in SG at 130am. I eventually slept at 330am. Imagine I had to wake up for work at 730am. Haha.. and I was like a zombie the whole day in office.
ANyway, the bus ride was not all wasted. Cos the bus took the Tsing Ma Bridge. Absolutely fantabulous infrastrature. Its such an art on its own.
OK, in case you are wondering WHY on earth I took a bus.. See... Bus to airport is 14 HKD (3 sgd). Train to airport is 100HKD (20 SGD). TAxi to airport is about 300 HKD (60SGD).
MAD right??? Well its not the money only, I mean they told me it would only take 45 min.. Haha... It took longer than that though.
BUt anyhow.. I had a superb time in HK. I ENJOYED the company of arthur and friends, thanks to Chi man and friends.. thanks to Darryl and friends... thanks to sao siong also.. thanks to Chi Kei, thanks to SY and her exchange student friends...
I officially close the HK chapter.
And I await the next time when I have to wait for my plane to depart and I shall indulge in that subtle Euphoria once again! Ever so ready...
It's been a while since I was last able to head home with the knowledge of a home cooked meal waiting for me at home. This is one of the best feeling ever. And Very often, I think, no matter how hard you work or how much money you earn, what we are after at the end of the day, is to be able to head home and enjoy a simple meal with the loved ones. I truly appreciate home cooked food. That, to me, is a luxury.
The meal today was great, there was papa, mummy, kor kor and jie jie and ah gong around. Nelle and Dyason wasnt around. So this totally reminds me of how things were when we were still young.
Well... Let me do a post-trip write up.
I had a wonderful time in HK. Greatest thanks to SHIYING & DARRYL.
I know its not easy to play host especially when sy you have exams to attend to. I really appreciate the effort and time in travelling to macau for me.
Darryl also sacrificed his time and effort and came down to macau JUST to meet me and bring my luggage back to HK. And he gave up his bed to me, and slept in the living room. Nic was nice... Haha.. although half the time he was already sleeping... But Im glad that he was also totally cool with the idea that im bumping around in their house.
I had a few "FIRSTS".
First time I took so many thrill rides at one go. Once again, I conquered my weakness. Sao siong made me realise that I was able to achieve what I thought I never would,
I learnt one BIG LESSON.
This was the first time I was so unprepared for a flight. My flight back to SG from HK was scheduled at 8pm. Guess what, at 7pm, I was still on the bus nearing the airport. That was the first time that I took that bus so I am totally not familiar with the route. I have no idea where to alight and it doesnt help that my flight is in one hour's time. My body was still aching from the lugging of that 23 KG luggage over like 3 streets... I never knew that I would be able to single-handedly carry and lug and drag all the luggage all the way to the bus stop and up the bus.
Imagine this.. with all these luggage, and I was already totally drained, and that I know that I might miss my flight, I was still sitting on the bus. SO, finally, I saw the terminal, I lug all the luggage down and ran and drag and did whatever I could to the check in counter. It doenst help again that the united airline check in counter is right at the other side of that terminal.
The first thing i did was to go take a trolley and I hurried over to UA counter.
I WAS EXTREMELY BLESSED!!!!
The flight was delayed for 1.5 hours.
I seriously would have missed it otherwise. No joke. Cos by the time I reached the airport, it was already 730. HOW??
Well, I landed in SG at 130am. I eventually slept at 330am. Imagine I had to wake up for work at 730am. Haha.. and I was like a zombie the whole day in office.
ANyway, the bus ride was not all wasted. Cos the bus took the Tsing Ma Bridge. Absolutely fantabulous infrastrature. Its such an art on its own.
OK, in case you are wondering WHY on earth I took a bus.. See... Bus to airport is 14 HKD (3 sgd). Train to airport is 100HKD (20 SGD). TAxi to airport is about 300 HKD (60SGD).
MAD right??? Well its not the money only, I mean they told me it would only take 45 min.. Haha... It took longer than that though.
BUt anyhow.. I had a superb time in HK. I ENJOYED the company of arthur and friends, thanks to Chi man and friends.. thanks to Darryl and friends... thanks to sao siong also.. thanks to Chi Kei, thanks to SY and her exchange student friends...
I officially close the HK chapter.
And I await the next time when I have to wait for my plane to depart and I shall indulge in that subtle Euphoria once again! Ever so ready...
Macau... Day and Night
First day in macau i was bespectacled... I rested quite a bit in the hotel room before I decided to start making my money worth by MOVING AROUND in macau. And I was so blessed to be able to walk right into the "MAGARET's" Egg tart shop. I had the BEST Portuguese Egg Tart in my life I swear... The spaghetti there was good too!
Darryl and my beloved SY came to meet me at night. We had quite a bit of food for dinner but they werent as nice as we had expected. OF course, we decided to check out the Casinos. We went to Grand Lisboa... the newest casino in Macau.. It is DAMN GRAND!!! SO POSH ANd simply stunning! It sure is not easy to manage a casino. Stanley Ho is DA MAN!!
Finally it is time to bid Macau Goodbye. I went to the ferry terminal with Sy... The sun was so bright the pictures were totally awesome!! SY had to rush back to hong kong for her exam. Thankyou SY.. for sacrificing your time and effort for my visit! She was still doing her cheat sheet on the ferry. The ferry is pretty comfortable. Cant wait to land in HK!
Hong Kong...
Ohhh... Sy brought me to Yum Cha. That is the typical hong kong dim sum restaurant whereby you would have to take a queue number for a table. 3 of us ordered 14 "LONGS" of dim sum. Yes, there is no other way... we had to da bao the left overs....
Isnt the lights at the back pretty? That was in my fav shopping mall in Mong Kok... Lang HAM PLace. That's my fav mall cos " CHI JI" is there!!
Check out the Tsing MA bridge... A spectacular view seriously!! And I was so lucky to be able to eventually cross the bridge on my way to the airport.
One night in LAN KWAI FONG
I had loads of fun. And this is one big group of cute Hongkies who have migrated to Canada & US who came back as exchange students or are doing internship.
SY... Thanks for sharing your fellow friends with me!!
I stayed over at Chi Kei's room at UST cos i refused to take a cab home alone from LKF. And that was also the very first time in my life that I stayed over in a hostel, as in UNI hostel. Haha.. Nice place!!
HONG KONG UNIVERSITY OF SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY
Check out the Yummy Roast meat rice with salted egg yolk from the uni. That was really delicious. And I cant stop eating the SAI DOU SI (French TOAST) Woah... the bread is coated with egg, with peanut butter filling and served with a small slab of butter which is melting on the bread.. and we eat it with honey. SINFUL!!
HK Mini bus..
Check out the scenary at UST..
Ocean Park
Yup.. Finally made it to the well known HAI YANG GONG YUAN.
I did my first roller coaster ride! And I made it past the first river ride, to me... All these thrill rides are a challenge man. I am so not a Thrill rides person cos I am so scared of heights. Well... Sao Siong managed to coax me to not think so much... and telling me how it is boring, nothing much one, not scary.... Hiaz... How can I take what a pilot says... I am still darn scared of heights lor... But is was really fun, minus the sun. But the sun gives good picture!
Lantau Island & After
Ohh... Nice Lantau island.. The cable car ride is the most value for money. The view is spectacular. I had a lot of fun with this group of SMU peeps. Haha.. Its so interesting as we never really planned for the trip but it just HAPPENED!! ME and my two roomies... Darryl and Nic.. Haha...Thank you for taking me in. I know that I am a little messy with my luggage and stuff here and there.
I almost never met Nic cos the first three days he was like sleeping already every night after i reach home and he leaves early for work. Darryl too.. they were all so busy I hardly had time to chat chat with them. This outing brought all of us together.
We went for a scrumptious dinner at my favourite restaurant, "CHI JI". The porride there is so yummy!! See in the center, that is the crab roe porride. Of course, We also had XU LIU SHAN DESERT!!
That's my papaya with coconut milk and Harsima... There is the mango sago and mango pomelo.
Me on the train with Darryl heading home....
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