Why am I even awake at 3:17am?
SIGH.
The last beverage i drank other than water was Star Buck's steam milk! No caffeine what? Something is very wrong. Was it because i didnt take the cough syrup?
Was it because the thoughts deep inside are fundamentally stirring an emotional storm?
Was it because CC isnt around?
Was it because as I meet up with my gfs, I begin to realise the kind of sacrifices i have been making with all the travelling in place? I cant sign up for gym for the classes. I cant sign up for ANY OTHER CLASSES. I begin to feel more and more distant from my relatives. I dun really feel like talking as much, only to the few people im close to.
Was it because I have been taking my antibiotics irregularly?
Was it because I have 3 emails in my draft folders of my personal email that I should have sent out tonight but didnt?
Was it because I have so called reached a saturation point? All I want, need and yearn for at this point in time.. was to lay on the sandy white beach, occasionally opening up my eyes to be greeted by this breath-taking deep blue or turqoise seawater... and just lay there, nothing to worry abt, nothing to think abt.
Why am I not happy in my home country? And I also dread going back to that place?
SIGH
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Vent Up frustration
I dun think this is how i would like my job to be.
Im so fed up with all the translations.
It is a total waste of time and effort.
And it is for EVERY SINGLE THING.
Nothing is clear.
Reporting is not clear.
Jobscope is not clear.
Direction is not clear.
Arghh.. and it's amazing how people with THAT kind of standard can still stay alive and kicking when they dun even care?
Maybe I shouldnt care so much too.
Im pissed.
So pissed.
Im so fed up with all the translations.
It is a total waste of time and effort.
And it is for EVERY SINGLE THING.
Nothing is clear.
Reporting is not clear.
Jobscope is not clear.
Direction is not clear.
Arghh.. and it's amazing how people with THAT kind of standard can still stay alive and kicking when they dun even care?
Maybe I shouldnt care so much too.
Im pissed.
So pissed.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Ridiculous
I dun even know what I would like to do and how things will be moving on.
& you think you know?
And it's my affairs, who are you to go around spreading them and making them sound all wrong?
And I have two people, whom im not even close to, come ask me abt it.
& Im not even close to you.
& you think you know?
And it's my affairs, who are you to go around spreading them and making them sound all wrong?
And I have two people, whom im not even close to, come ask me abt it.
& Im not even close to you.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Fear
It hurts to see them fight like that.
Misery and pessimism seem to be innate in her.
It is a vicious cycle. Sometimes she brought unhappiness to herself and maybe the sympathy level will decrease in such occasions but hey, when you understand the situation and what she has been through and what she is going through now, plus the fact that her line of thoughts is ran by these pessismistic set of codes for as long as she lived, my heart felt the pinch. Real badly.
I understand that innate in him, he always felt that he was pretty right abt things. He doesnt have the best of logic and in terms of ethics and values, they are probably warped as far as the family is concerned, but this time round, i understand why he flared up. But, i hate him for shouting at her. He has no rights to do so.
My greatest fear, and my greatest fears even in my dreams, in my subconsious mind, regardless of whether i was in China, Singapore, Malaysia, and regardless of what i was doing, or the time of the day, was to see her suffer from a relapse. I cannot take it. I cant even continue with these thoughts and i have to stop myself from thinking any further because at this point, every single time, my eyes will tear.
And they will flow non stop.
Maybe when you reach the age of 50, and you embed your death into any part of the argument, your argument will get stronger. That is what i see as the trend these days. And usually when that happens, people tend to argue in higher decibels. When you no longer fear death, you no longer fear 99% of the things in this world.
I used to put my own death as the no.1 fear.
But now, i know, for sure, that the inability to stop and/or control your loved ones from leaving has taken the top place.
I cannot imagine, because i cannot afford.
I cannot afford to lose her.
Misery and pessimism seem to be innate in her.
It is a vicious cycle. Sometimes she brought unhappiness to herself and maybe the sympathy level will decrease in such occasions but hey, when you understand the situation and what she has been through and what she is going through now, plus the fact that her line of thoughts is ran by these pessismistic set of codes for as long as she lived, my heart felt the pinch. Real badly.
I understand that innate in him, he always felt that he was pretty right abt things. He doesnt have the best of logic and in terms of ethics and values, they are probably warped as far as the family is concerned, but this time round, i understand why he flared up. But, i hate him for shouting at her. He has no rights to do so.
My greatest fear, and my greatest fears even in my dreams, in my subconsious mind, regardless of whether i was in China, Singapore, Malaysia, and regardless of what i was doing, or the time of the day, was to see her suffer from a relapse. I cannot take it. I cant even continue with these thoughts and i have to stop myself from thinking any further because at this point, every single time, my eyes will tear.
And they will flow non stop.
Maybe when you reach the age of 50, and you embed your death into any part of the argument, your argument will get stronger. That is what i see as the trend these days. And usually when that happens, people tend to argue in higher decibels. When you no longer fear death, you no longer fear 99% of the things in this world.
I used to put my own death as the no.1 fear.
But now, i know, for sure, that the inability to stop and/or control your loved ones from leaving has taken the top place.
I cannot imagine, because i cannot afford.
I cannot afford to lose her.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Back BAck Back
Argghh... it was only 2 days since i left china
BUT
I am already missing MR TIN.
2 weeks of LDR and then I can go for another round of Malaysia road trip!
It's good to be home. But Im seriously going to stay away from AMK HUB the next few days cos ever since i touched down, i never hung out in malls outside AMK!! Clubbing at zouk doesnt count.
And well... Chris, Nas and I had sort of sworn last night that we are never going to go back to Zouk, velvet nor Phuture again cos we just dun fit in anymore. All the xiao di dis and xiao mei meis.
And well... we even had this Boy checking us out and the first few questions included " Which JC are you from?".
WOAH LAO.. we played along... hahaha.... COS we were damn bored.
The best part of the night out? THE BEE HOON GORENG @ SPICE. WOah.. Nas ordered an EXTRA spicy one. IT was indeed very spicy but iy was really really GOOD.
Butter Fac next Fri @ fullerton.
Gotta catch my sleep... Arrgghhh my body clock is all mixed up.
BUT
I am already missing MR TIN.
2 weeks of LDR and then I can go for another round of Malaysia road trip!
It's good to be home. But Im seriously going to stay away from AMK HUB the next few days cos ever since i touched down, i never hung out in malls outside AMK!! Clubbing at zouk doesnt count.
And well... Chris, Nas and I had sort of sworn last night that we are never going to go back to Zouk, velvet nor Phuture again cos we just dun fit in anymore. All the xiao di dis and xiao mei meis.
And well... we even had this Boy checking us out and the first few questions included " Which JC are you from?".
WOAH LAO.. we played along... hahaha.... COS we were damn bored.
The best part of the night out? THE BEE HOON GORENG @ SPICE. WOah.. Nas ordered an EXTRA spicy one. IT was indeed very spicy but iy was really really GOOD.
Butter Fac next Fri @ fullerton.
Gotta catch my sleep... Arrgghhh my body clock is all mixed up.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Back from SEOUL
Yuppie yup.
I had a fantabulous time in Seoul last weekend. It was QingMing Festival on 4th April and in China, this is a public holiday so to replace that SAT PH, we get our Mon OFF.
Im back in Yantai physically but spiritually, im still there.
OOOhhhhh... the Korean cuisines. *SMUCK*
The shopping... haha...
And of course, the best thing is, I met up with JY PARK.
JY brought CC, DC + ME to this JJ club at Grant Hyatt Seoul. It was a nice Attas club cum bistro kind of place but i swear, the pretty gals and good looking guys make such great eye candies i think this is the club with the best fashion air.
But hey... That place was really expensive. We shared a Tuna Pizza and had like 3 glasses of beer. The bill came up to 150,000 Won, which is about SGD 170. But the pizza is delicious. Freshly made and initially we had 2 slices left. After getting the bill, we made sure we finished every thing.
We stayed at Gangnam area, in Novotel Hotel(with compliments from CC to celebrate his promotion). There are a lot of nice restaurants selling cuisines with a good mix of western, fusion and authentic korean dishes..
I had a fantabulous time in Seoul last weekend. It was QingMing Festival on 4th April and in China, this is a public holiday so to replace that SAT PH, we get our Mon OFF.
Im back in Yantai physically but spiritually, im still there.
OOOhhhhh... the Korean cuisines. *SMUCK*
The shopping... haha...
And of course, the best thing is, I met up with JY PARK.
JY brought CC, DC + ME to this JJ club at Grant Hyatt Seoul. It was a nice Attas club cum bistro kind of place but i swear, the pretty gals and good looking guys make such great eye candies i think this is the club with the best fashion air.
But hey... That place was really expensive. We shared a Tuna Pizza and had like 3 glasses of beer. The bill came up to 150,000 Won, which is about SGD 170. But the pizza is delicious. Freshly made and initially we had 2 slices left. After getting the bill, we made sure we finished every thing.
We stayed at Gangnam area, in Novotel Hotel(with compliments from CC to celebrate his promotion). There are a lot of nice restaurants selling cuisines with a good mix of western, fusion and authentic korean dishes..
At Shinsegae dept store, I went into the Gucci boutique and bought my first Gucci Speedy bag.
It's a good deal i suppose with the depreciating Korean won and since the design was not the latest, of which they would have adjusted the price taking the falling currency into consideration, they both assured me it was worth it.
CC said i should go for it because this is like a symbolic milestone for me. I rem my sis telling me these words last year and she ask me why I havent got myself one of these bags. I guess they are right. And it's a right place, right time, right price and right frame of mind kind of thing.
It's a good deal i suppose with the depreciating Korean won and since the design was not the latest, of which they would have adjusted the price taking the falling currency into consideration, they both assured me it was worth it.
CC said i should go for it because this is like a symbolic milestone for me. I rem my sis telling me these words last year and she ask me why I havent got myself one of these bags. I guess they are right. And it's a right place, right time, right price and right frame of mind kind of thing.
I bought 3 pairs of shoes, lots of face masks, cosmetics and ETUDE HOUSE, FACE SHOP and LANIEGE stuff.. Happie.
Anyway, it's another long weekend ahead and i cant wait to go back to SG!!!
Anyway, it's another long weekend ahead and i cant wait to go back to SG!!!
Happy belated birthday to mummy.
Bidding goodbye to Winter... Here comes spring and yay im going back to SG!!
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