I cant give up now. I have to keep going.
Bogged down my work so much I dont think this is what I really want to do, at least not this kind of work.
Not sure why, but ever since 23rd May, things are no longer the same. Maybe I was no longer the same.
How long more must I endure?
How much more do I have to do?
I am not sure when my beach getaway can realise.
Turquoise water, white sandy beach. That's all.
Leave, take a two weeks break. Come back. Re-start.
It's almost one anniversary.
I hope for august to come fast.
I want to be free.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Break
So much happened the past one month.
I should probably leave soon.
I shouldn't be spending time on things that won't add value to wat i want to do.
No more KL in a while.
Everything happened for a reason.
I thought my career is supposed to be good this year? Or is this already the peak?
I should probably leave soon.
I shouldn't be spending time on things that won't add value to wat i want to do.
No more KL in a while.
Everything happened for a reason.
I thought my career is supposed to be good this year? Or is this already the peak?
Friday, May 21, 2010
Break?
You heard me. But you chose not to listen.
Fatique. Extreme fatique is what I am going through now. Maybe the severe lack of sleep is making me really cranky.
I only know that I do not even have the energy to smile anymore. I was in a pressure cooker all alone for most part of the week. I just want to release the tension, right down to the very piece of muscle on my toes.
My whole body, especially my neck and shoulders and not forgetting the head is aching from the prolongued pressure. I don't know, maybe there isn't a need for a break at all. At least I know it wasn't mine. Not just about me. Maybe that is why, I do not feel at ease.
I hope this is not a mistake.
I just want a break. One that I can really relax and not have to think about what other people think, feel or want to do. I just want to getaway from all the stress that has been building up.
I thought you would understand me.
I thought.
Fatique. Extreme fatique is what I am going through now. Maybe the severe lack of sleep is making me really cranky.
I only know that I do not even have the energy to smile anymore. I was in a pressure cooker all alone for most part of the week. I just want to release the tension, right down to the very piece of muscle on my toes.
My whole body, especially my neck and shoulders and not forgetting the head is aching from the prolongued pressure. I don't know, maybe there isn't a need for a break at all. At least I know it wasn't mine. Not just about me. Maybe that is why, I do not feel at ease.
I hope this is not a mistake.
I just want a break. One that I can really relax and not have to think about what other people think, feel or want to do. I just want to getaway from all the stress that has been building up.
I thought you would understand me.
I thought.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Entries from last biz trip
Day 1 :
Not quite sure wat kind of crisis this is that I am going through. Being at the mid twenties stage, I think I am feeling somewhat lost.
I want to do things differently this time. Not sure if walking straight into starbucks instead of the usual kenny Rogers, Thai restaurant or Korean restaurant after landing in Beijing can be a good symbolic start.
I used to keep scones from starbucks as breakfast for next day but since they are the best scones (very moist, right texture, great taste) and I am somewhat sick and no longer look forward to lunch at the 3 restaurants mentioned earlier, I settled for this honey raisin scone to go with ice mocha ( decaf no doubt).
Back to my crisis, I'm not sure why things aren't moving in the way I expected months ago, or are things even moving at all? Am I too impatient or is it just a case of me not knowing what I want?
I revisited the fundamental motivation in wanting this change. And now I realise I am facing a very cliche issue and well, I do not have an answer. Money vs career.
What is a career if the money is not good? Hmm... What Is money if I'm not fulfilled emotionally or that I am not happy?
( P.R just called my china mobile and we had a good 30 min chat on the above topics) haha I'm glad he is always patient to listen to me ramble.
Need to reply by friday, I need to chat with cc first. Yay, 4 hours away from seeing him!!
Finishing my scone, should I get 1 more for breakfast Tom?
Time to check in for my domestic flight.
Signing off
Beijing airport starbucks,
20 April 2010
425pm
Day 7:
I am totally drained but looking at the gigantic rigs... Wow... Everything was worth it. We all came a long way! I am excited about delivery.
27 Apr 2010
Day 10 - today
"Wedding dress" - a Korean movie I caught on flight today that made me cried so hard. Guess who freaked out upon seeing me in tears sobbing away? Haha poor cc. I think 1/8 of the cushion I was hugging was soaked. Highly recommeded show. Will see if I can buy it anywhere. It is a good movie, meaningful, simple but each and every gist of the emotions were extremely well delivered. I was just very touched.
1 May 2010
Not quite sure wat kind of crisis this is that I am going through. Being at the mid twenties stage, I think I am feeling somewhat lost.
I want to do things differently this time. Not sure if walking straight into starbucks instead of the usual kenny Rogers, Thai restaurant or Korean restaurant after landing in Beijing can be a good symbolic start.
I used to keep scones from starbucks as breakfast for next day but since they are the best scones (very moist, right texture, great taste) and I am somewhat sick and no longer look forward to lunch at the 3 restaurants mentioned earlier, I settled for this honey raisin scone to go with ice mocha ( decaf no doubt).
Back to my crisis, I'm not sure why things aren't moving in the way I expected months ago, or are things even moving at all? Am I too impatient or is it just a case of me not knowing what I want?
I revisited the fundamental motivation in wanting this change. And now I realise I am facing a very cliche issue and well, I do not have an answer. Money vs career.
What is a career if the money is not good? Hmm... What Is money if I'm not fulfilled emotionally or that I am not happy?
( P.R just called my china mobile and we had a good 30 min chat on the above topics) haha I'm glad he is always patient to listen to me ramble.
Need to reply by friday, I need to chat with cc first. Yay, 4 hours away from seeing him!!
Finishing my scone, should I get 1 more for breakfast Tom?
Time to check in for my domestic flight.
Signing off
Beijing airport starbucks,
20 April 2010
425pm
Day 7:
I am totally drained but looking at the gigantic rigs... Wow... Everything was worth it. We all came a long way! I am excited about delivery.
27 Apr 2010
Day 10 - today
"Wedding dress" - a Korean movie I caught on flight today that made me cried so hard. Guess who freaked out upon seeing me in tears sobbing away? Haha poor cc. I think 1/8 of the cushion I was hugging was soaked. Highly recommeded show. Will see if I can buy it anywhere. It is a good movie, meaningful, simple but each and every gist of the emotions were extremely well delivered. I was just very touched.
1 May 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)