"there are a few rules i know to be true about love and marriage. If you dun respect the other person, you are going to have a lot of trouble. If you dunno how to compromise, you are going to have a lot of trouble. If you cant talk openly about what goes on between you, you are gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you dun have a common set of values in life, you are gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike".
"And the biggest of those values, Mitch?"
"Yes?"
"Your belief in the importance of the marriage"
I believe these are the five most, but not exclusive to these five, important success factors to building a relationship. There will always be difference, but it is how much and the willingness to compromise that matters. There will always be problems, but if you can talk openly and communicate and discuss, no problem will be too big, at least, the number of imaginary problems will be greatly reduced. If each of you hold a different set of values, and the importance of the relationship or marriage to each of you is different. That's it. END of STORY. There is clearly nothing to work out.
Giving remember? Only through giving can you love. But we all need to feel loved too. And so we need to receive too. Its is a two way process.
It is very very very difficult to work things out with people of very different fundamental values. Cos no matter how much you explain... the point doesnt get across.
The last thing a relationship is about is pushing blame. That is the most childish way of handling a relationship. And there is no right or wrong. Its all in the attitude and the willingness. The returns of a relationship is intangible. Just because nobody decides that you get an A and just because you will not be paid eventually based on your performance in the relationship doesnt mean a relationship is not important.
If you are looking into a relationship that you see to marriage, expect to work on it.
If its just a fling, there is nothing to worry or think about.
So if it is a serious relationship, commit.
If not, stay single. Do not waste anyone's time and effort. Be responsible to all.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Diversification
Yes, that is what I am going to do exactly! Never put ya eggs in one basket. And this hold true not just in investment, but to life too. I am going to diversify my energy and effort to more interests, more friends and also to myself. My motivation level is still high, but since diversification is good and the returns in this case, my books and my friends yield high returns, why not?
I am going to work on building my emotional well being and staying happy. I shouldnt let things that are not within my control affect me. Anyway, many things in life are pre-destined. I work on things that i can control, those that I cant, no point getting upset.
These days, i begin to realise more and more importantly, how it is very difficult for two people with fundamental values that are very different to talk and get along. This is why I think we all have best friends cos certainly some people you do not have to say much and they understand you completely cos the fundamental values, thinking etc are similar. Even if the views are different, with similar values and fundamental thinking, a great conversation can be built.
Two big groups of people I cannot stand.
Firstly, those that put their religion above ALL else, even in a group project. Nobody says that you should put your religion last, however, in a group project, if 5/6 can make it and you are the 1/6 who insists that ya religion is more important, and it is not the first time... I really wonder... what is it in the religion or if it states in that religion that in one's life, the religion precedes all. These people are fitting themselves into the religion. Religion is part of life, not the other way round.
Secondly, those people who mug day and night and other than mugging, they are no good anywhere else. No friends, nevermind, results more important. Project try to free ride. Whatever is happening, dun care. Nothing goes on in the life except mugging. PLease, that is not what education is all about. You dun put in effort in ya relationships, with your friends, with building your spiritual well-being, then you dun expect any return. After you get that piece of paper, when you look back, what do you have? Can you turn back time? No. Anything beyond that piece of paper? No. A strings of As.. so? Can eat? means will be happy? YEs, maybe can get a good job, maybe will get high pay. And then?? That's all there is in life? When you look back say when you are 70 years old, you look at your life, other than mugging for twenty over years, what do you have? You have missed out on so much in the prime time.. that 1/3 of your life. My GOD.... I totally CANNOT STAND THIS. That is JUST ME.
Anyway... That is not my problem cos that is NOT MY LIFE. Im interested only in my life now at this point in time. And those who deserve my attention of course.
Cant wait for the string of outings and events coming up.... HAHa
Cheerios...
Shi
I am going to work on building my emotional well being and staying happy. I shouldnt let things that are not within my control affect me. Anyway, many things in life are pre-destined. I work on things that i can control, those that I cant, no point getting upset.
These days, i begin to realise more and more importantly, how it is very difficult for two people with fundamental values that are very different to talk and get along. This is why I think we all have best friends cos certainly some people you do not have to say much and they understand you completely cos the fundamental values, thinking etc are similar. Even if the views are different, with similar values and fundamental thinking, a great conversation can be built.
Two big groups of people I cannot stand.
Firstly, those that put their religion above ALL else, even in a group project. Nobody says that you should put your religion last, however, in a group project, if 5/6 can make it and you are the 1/6 who insists that ya religion is more important, and it is not the first time... I really wonder... what is it in the religion or if it states in that religion that in one's life, the religion precedes all. These people are fitting themselves into the religion. Religion is part of life, not the other way round.
Secondly, those people who mug day and night and other than mugging, they are no good anywhere else. No friends, nevermind, results more important. Project try to free ride. Whatever is happening, dun care. Nothing goes on in the life except mugging. PLease, that is not what education is all about. You dun put in effort in ya relationships, with your friends, with building your spiritual well-being, then you dun expect any return. After you get that piece of paper, when you look back, what do you have? Can you turn back time? No. Anything beyond that piece of paper? No. A strings of As.. so? Can eat? means will be happy? YEs, maybe can get a good job, maybe will get high pay. And then?? That's all there is in life? When you look back say when you are 70 years old, you look at your life, other than mugging for twenty over years, what do you have? You have missed out on so much in the prime time.. that 1/3 of your life. My GOD.... I totally CANNOT STAND THIS. That is JUST ME.
Anyway... That is not my problem cos that is NOT MY LIFE. Im interested only in my life now at this point in time. And those who deserve my attention of course.
Cant wait for the string of outings and events coming up.... HAHa
Cheerios...
Shi
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Huong Sen Hotel
HAha... the 3 star hotel that we are staying... Very good location.. the rest I will have to find out for myself.
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Heart Attack!!
Woah.. I almost died when i check my email late at night yesterday at around 11pm. This guy from the registrat office said that I cant file for graduation as I have only completed 34 courses and they need at least 35.
Then, the confusion set in... 34?? But i really am done with everything what.... And so after my mind went blank for about 2 minutes as I try to regain composure of the situation...my boss's face appeared immediately... For I was suppose to start work on 2nd Jan and now I cannot file for graduation.... Woah... I almost died.. adrenalin high, and I was suddenly awake though I was totally worn out already.
Ok.. so I started counting.. how did the 34 courses combination come about?
I had cleared 26.5 in SMU, have 4 exemptions, did 3 in Chula, and now I am currently takein 3.5.... And finally i realised... i only have 34 courses cos the 3 courses from my exchange is not taken into consideration yet!! Whoa... was pissed man... it was like ages since I came back from my exchange and my transcripts are not yet done... So I sent a mail to S from OIR... at the same time i CCed the guy from registrar... oh...
I was not very happy with S's reply...
"This is being worked on as your transcripts have arrived not long ago, Wanshi.
As explained before, unless you guys confirm your exchange courses with me while on exchange, you will have to bear the consequences of filing later for graduation or not being able to meet the deadline.
You should be able to file for graduation within the week or so – let me know if otherwise."
Check out the tone of her reply!! I cleared all my courses with her during my exchange and she has to add in that line about the us having to bear the consequence of filing later for graduation or not meeting the deadline... IF WE DID NOT CONFIRM the courses with her. MY issue now is that I did confirm the courses with her and she put it across this way to make herself look good and that it is not her fault for the delay... Woah.. no one is taking her rice bowl away lor.. and if she is really inefficient.. she must do something about it what.... cos she never gave me the reason of exactly why is my transcript not sent to the registrar office since I did clear all my courses and the "not long ago" is not quantifiable!
Yeah.. I shall wait for one week to see what happens...
Ok.. and yup.. 37 courses for my two majors.
I am safe now.
Then, the confusion set in... 34?? But i really am done with everything what.... And so after my mind went blank for about 2 minutes as I try to regain composure of the situation...my boss's face appeared immediately... For I was suppose to start work on 2nd Jan and now I cannot file for graduation.... Woah... I almost died.. adrenalin high, and I was suddenly awake though I was totally worn out already.
Ok.. so I started counting.. how did the 34 courses combination come about?
I had cleared 26.5 in SMU, have 4 exemptions, did 3 in Chula, and now I am currently takein 3.5.... And finally i realised... i only have 34 courses cos the 3 courses from my exchange is not taken into consideration yet!! Whoa... was pissed man... it was like ages since I came back from my exchange and my transcripts are not yet done... So I sent a mail to S from OIR... at the same time i CCed the guy from registrar... oh...
I was not very happy with S's reply...
"This is being worked on as your transcripts have arrived not long ago, Wanshi.
As explained before, unless you guys confirm your exchange courses with me while on exchange, you will have to bear the consequences of filing later for graduation or not being able to meet the deadline.
You should be able to file for graduation within the week or so – let me know if otherwise."
Check out the tone of her reply!! I cleared all my courses with her during my exchange and she has to add in that line about the us having to bear the consequence of filing later for graduation or not meeting the deadline... IF WE DID NOT CONFIRM the courses with her. MY issue now is that I did confirm the courses with her and she put it across this way to make herself look good and that it is not her fault for the delay... Woah.. no one is taking her rice bowl away lor.. and if she is really inefficient.. she must do something about it what.... cos she never gave me the reason of exactly why is my transcript not sent to the registrar office since I did clear all my courses and the "not long ago" is not quantifiable!
Yeah.. I shall wait for one week to see what happens...
Ok.. and yup.. 37 courses for my two majors.
I am safe now.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Thank you!
Time and time again, I never really believed in this theory of what goes around comes around until i experienced it myself and I see how it happened to the people around me.
Do more good than evil. Put in ya 100%. Whatever you do now, will come around. The good we wouldnt really bother. The bad, on the other hand, is more obvious. God is fair, he will know what to do.
Its time to re-orientate myself and my well being. No happiness is more real than the happiness we get from spending time with our family. Especially the small kids.. They bring with them one of the greatest happiness in this world.
Tracy, at this point of time when Im writing this blog, i suddenly realised how similar we are. How we always seem to get what each other is trying to say without having to verbally say it. And by the way, yes, you gave me the best feedback for my assignment cos you willingly parted the most effort and was the most serious about it. You always put in your heart and soul when it comes to doing things for the people around you and the people you love. And I guess that is what makes you so beautiful. Thank you.
Sy never fails to make me laugh or cheer me up with her theories and way of life that is simplistic, real and simply funny. This Da jie at home loves her family in her unique way and she has one of the most optimistic outlook of life. Im always happy when Im with you and Im really glad to have you by my side. Thank you.
To the many other friends out there who have touched my life in the many many ways too... Thank you.
I enjoy my time with you FRIENDS because you people live life the way that makes life meaningful and beautiful. Projects, test, results, assignments are there... but they are not the only focus. We always look beyond that and that is what I value and that is why I think we speak the same language.
There are many tiny facets of life that requires just that tiny bit more of effort to make a difference. Anyway, these little effort that Im talking about goes a long way and is what makes most of the companies successful and allowed them to differentiate themselves from their competitors simply because they bothered. SIA did it. So did Four Seaons hotel. Not everything can be translated immediately into P&L. However, many of these efforts are more valuable than those monetary investments. Cos they are the competitive edge of the company over the rest. Business models, systems, equipments and almost all physical aspects of a business can be copied. But service is usually not immitable simply cos it is the synergy of a company, good service i mean and this is an intangible asset and value that the company brings with it. It is the same in life, we only need a tiny effort to bring about a difference.
Im looking forward to my Ho chi Minh trip now. Its time to take a break from Singapore cos Im pretty drained. Jy is joining us and so I really cant wait to meet my beloved roomie again. Jy taught me lots of things in life too with her cute and unpretentious ways. We can always talk about everything and anything non stop... HAHA... Now we have Sy around, I think the 3 of us wont be sleeping at night in the hotel room anymore! Chit chat chit chat....
I cant wait to graduate... Just so that I know my graduation will make my parents and family happy. I do enjoy my classes now and being my last semester in Uni, im glad that all the courses I am taking now is more than just textbook, theories. There are a lot of real issues with lessons and takeaways that are very valuable and enjoyable.
In the meantime, I need to spend more time with myself to sort out what I really want in life cos I think Im losing my footing again.
Do more good than evil. Put in ya 100%. Whatever you do now, will come around. The good we wouldnt really bother. The bad, on the other hand, is more obvious. God is fair, he will know what to do.
Its time to re-orientate myself and my well being. No happiness is more real than the happiness we get from spending time with our family. Especially the small kids.. They bring with them one of the greatest happiness in this world.
Tracy, at this point of time when Im writing this blog, i suddenly realised how similar we are. How we always seem to get what each other is trying to say without having to verbally say it. And by the way, yes, you gave me the best feedback for my assignment cos you willingly parted the most effort and was the most serious about it. You always put in your heart and soul when it comes to doing things for the people around you and the people you love. And I guess that is what makes you so beautiful. Thank you.
Sy never fails to make me laugh or cheer me up with her theories and way of life that is simplistic, real and simply funny. This Da jie at home loves her family in her unique way and she has one of the most optimistic outlook of life. Im always happy when Im with you and Im really glad to have you by my side. Thank you.
To the many other friends out there who have touched my life in the many many ways too... Thank you.
I enjoy my time with you FRIENDS because you people live life the way that makes life meaningful and beautiful. Projects, test, results, assignments are there... but they are not the only focus. We always look beyond that and that is what I value and that is why I think we speak the same language.
There are many tiny facets of life that requires just that tiny bit more of effort to make a difference. Anyway, these little effort that Im talking about goes a long way and is what makes most of the companies successful and allowed them to differentiate themselves from their competitors simply because they bothered. SIA did it. So did Four Seaons hotel. Not everything can be translated immediately into P&L. However, many of these efforts are more valuable than those monetary investments. Cos they are the competitive edge of the company over the rest. Business models, systems, equipments and almost all physical aspects of a business can be copied. But service is usually not immitable simply cos it is the synergy of a company, good service i mean and this is an intangible asset and value that the company brings with it. It is the same in life, we only need a tiny effort to bring about a difference.
Im looking forward to my Ho chi Minh trip now. Its time to take a break from Singapore cos Im pretty drained. Jy is joining us and so I really cant wait to meet my beloved roomie again. Jy taught me lots of things in life too with her cute and unpretentious ways. We can always talk about everything and anything non stop... HAHA... Now we have Sy around, I think the 3 of us wont be sleeping at night in the hotel room anymore! Chit chat chit chat....
I cant wait to graduate... Just so that I know my graduation will make my parents and family happy. I do enjoy my classes now and being my last semester in Uni, im glad that all the courses I am taking now is more than just textbook, theories. There are a lot of real issues with lessons and takeaways that are very valuable and enjoyable.
In the meantime, I need to spend more time with myself to sort out what I really want in life cos I think Im losing my footing again.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
I hate it when...
- I begin to doubt myself, question my faith and begin to wonder what is it exactly that I am holding on to...
- I would like to work something out but it seems like I am ALL ALONE
- things are going out of my control and I get frustrated and no matter what I do or how hard i try, Im like just banging my head on the wall... The wall doesnt move, nothing changed. And Im only left with pain and hurt. Dun i look stupid? Trying to move the wall. Its doesnt matter if it is my head, my hand or my ass.. The wall is not moving... when I sincerely believed that it will move, at least, that it can move.
- I have no time to read books. I mean books as in books for leisure.. not for school. Im stuck once again at this juncture of my life. Reached another limit. Cannot go on for now. I need new inspiration and ideas plus solutions. I cannot be the one identifying the problem and at the end of the day give solutions when the problem wasnt just my own to begin with. I have utterly run out of ideas as to what I can do, should do or even what I cannot do and shouldnt do. Once again.. I feel ALL ALONE.
SO... I should leave everything that is not within my control out and just dun care about it right? Focus on what I can do and is within my control cos obviously my trying to do something about it isnt working.
Im like the only fool fretting away. At least I feel like one.
How I wished I hadnt hold such strong dreams and belief.
Life will definitely be easier.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Great Saturday!
Everything turned out well today.
Work was superb today. I had all the drive and motivation to serve customers and almost 80% of the cutomers i served today made purchases!!! So happy. The highlight of my day at work was the compliments i got from this lady who is currently working for ABM amro for my service! Haha.. and she asked if I have done my internship cos she used to work closely with Wai yee.. who was suppose to be my career counsellor from the office of career services in school but Wai yee is no longer with us. The way she said it was as if she wanted to offer me a chance to intern there. Haha... If i were ever to apply for job there and she happen to be my interviewer... can you imagine!!! I would have been half way there already! Gosh... This job offers me a great chance to network too.
And I went to Sizzler today to celebrate the belated birthday of my sis and nelle( theirs are on the same day). HAha.. and I got a good deal again cos during one of the weekdays that I was working at MW and was walking to suntec to buy lunch, I happened to meet these employees from sizzlers giving out vouchers that allows one to have one free meal for every 2 meals ordered. HAHAHA.. and nelle doesnt really eat, she only takes the salad bar.. and salad bar for kids is cheap.. only $8++ AHAH... So happy. So We had a discount of like $21 at when we billed. And the food at Suntec is GOOD. I would like to go back there again.. soon... to try the SIZZLING RIBEYE steak that everyone was ordering and the aroma from that dish was so tempting. I Had a great dinner.. and a simple celebration. HAHA.. My mum and Dyason were there too... My handsome boy! SO cute!! But too bad... he is too young for anything. He had to watch us eat our cuisine.. no wonder he was cranky half the time there....
And after that, winter wear shopping with mummy... Haha.. Im still not buying my winter clothes... Dun wanna park my money there. Got my ho chi minh trip to settle first. Its not easy having to finance everything le! ARRGGHH... Think i need some divine help.. I should go buy some 4D soon..
Oh.. and Im using Clinique's 3 step skin care product now. Trying out. So far... VERY GOOD. I like it a lot. I think my skin condition is improving a lot. But!!! That is only 1 day try so far. Haha... I need to clear the blemishes away!! they have all overstayed man!!! Since my days in BKK.. my skin condition had taken a turn for the worst. PLus i believe the length of my hair did contribute to the more frequent outbreak these days. Now i try to keep my hair away from my face, tried to make sure that I change the pillow casing more frequently too.. Must work hard for the SKIN!!! After the free Clinique talk in school, now I own so many of Clinique's product, the City-block SPF 40 is my fav... there is the eye gel, the 3 step, the liquid foundation, the pore minimiser, the anti blemish solution, anti blemish night treatment gel, the antiblemish cleanser cum make up remover... And there is the trial kit i got from biotherm... and a few other biotherm products which were lucky draw prizes.. AHAH and all thanks to wongso... AHAH.. cos both of us won the lucky draw last year and I think i benefitted SO much.. how much? like close to $150 worth of biotherm products.. and after that.. I tried the trial kit and somehow, im lazy to explain.. I got a lot of freebies from the school's biotherm again!! WOAH... Im torn between the two man.. I'm currently in the stage of searching for the skin care product that suits me best. It is either Biotherm or Clinique so far. And my sis seems to be pro Clarins. Woah.. Think all these money cannot save one.. must spend one. Now i just need to know which one suits me best and I will follow thru!
Hmm.. lots of mugging to do. Im tired. Sleepy. So sleepy....
Work was superb today. I had all the drive and motivation to serve customers and almost 80% of the cutomers i served today made purchases!!! So happy. The highlight of my day at work was the compliments i got from this lady who is currently working for ABM amro for my service! Haha.. and she asked if I have done my internship cos she used to work closely with Wai yee.. who was suppose to be my career counsellor from the office of career services in school but Wai yee is no longer with us. The way she said it was as if she wanted to offer me a chance to intern there. Haha... If i were ever to apply for job there and she happen to be my interviewer... can you imagine!!! I would have been half way there already! Gosh... This job offers me a great chance to network too.
And I went to Sizzler today to celebrate the belated birthday of my sis and nelle( theirs are on the same day). HAha.. and I got a good deal again cos during one of the weekdays that I was working at MW and was walking to suntec to buy lunch, I happened to meet these employees from sizzlers giving out vouchers that allows one to have one free meal for every 2 meals ordered. HAHAHA.. and nelle doesnt really eat, she only takes the salad bar.. and salad bar for kids is cheap.. only $8++ AHAH... So happy. So We had a discount of like $21 at when we billed. And the food at Suntec is GOOD. I would like to go back there again.. soon... to try the SIZZLING RIBEYE steak that everyone was ordering and the aroma from that dish was so tempting. I Had a great dinner.. and a simple celebration. HAHA.. My mum and Dyason were there too... My handsome boy! SO cute!! But too bad... he is too young for anything. He had to watch us eat our cuisine.. no wonder he was cranky half the time there....
And after that, winter wear shopping with mummy... Haha.. Im still not buying my winter clothes... Dun wanna park my money there. Got my ho chi minh trip to settle first. Its not easy having to finance everything le! ARRGGHH... Think i need some divine help.. I should go buy some 4D soon..
Oh.. and Im using Clinique's 3 step skin care product now. Trying out. So far... VERY GOOD. I like it a lot. I think my skin condition is improving a lot. But!!! That is only 1 day try so far. Haha... I need to clear the blemishes away!! they have all overstayed man!!! Since my days in BKK.. my skin condition had taken a turn for the worst. PLus i believe the length of my hair did contribute to the more frequent outbreak these days. Now i try to keep my hair away from my face, tried to make sure that I change the pillow casing more frequently too.. Must work hard for the SKIN!!! After the free Clinique talk in school, now I own so many of Clinique's product, the City-block SPF 40 is my fav... there is the eye gel, the 3 step, the liquid foundation, the pore minimiser, the anti blemish solution, anti blemish night treatment gel, the antiblemish cleanser cum make up remover... And there is the trial kit i got from biotherm... and a few other biotherm products which were lucky draw prizes.. AHAH and all thanks to wongso... AHAH.. cos both of us won the lucky draw last year and I think i benefitted SO much.. how much? like close to $150 worth of biotherm products.. and after that.. I tried the trial kit and somehow, im lazy to explain.. I got a lot of freebies from the school's biotherm again!! WOAH... Im torn between the two man.. I'm currently in the stage of searching for the skin care product that suits me best. It is either Biotherm or Clinique so far. And my sis seems to be pro Clarins. Woah.. Think all these money cannot save one.. must spend one. Now i just need to know which one suits me best and I will follow thru!
Hmm.. lots of mugging to do. Im tired. Sleepy. So sleepy....
Friday, September 22, 2006
But.. Is there a limit to giving?
Intensifying Love Through Giving by Emuna Braverman
Are you silently keeping score of who does what in your marriage? Here are some practical tips on how to give unconditionally and intensify your love.
Some people say marriage is give and take. Some say marriage is 50-50. The Jewish people have a different perspective: marriage is 100-100. Judaism says that marriage is giving and giving and giving ... and not keeping score.
The key to loving is giving. Not the key to being loved but the secret to loving. Why do parents feel so much more strongly for their children than vice versa? They've been giving to their children for such a long time.
We think we love the person who gives to us but we've got it backwards. That's just self-love. We love the people we give to.
The Rabbi who married my husband and me, R. Moshe Aharon Stern zt"l, told us a story. When he was a young boy in yeshiva, he was voraciously gobbling up his dinner one evening. His teacher approached him. "Moshe, you love that fish." Between bites, he responded affirmatively. "Wrong," boomed his teacher. "You don't love that fish, you love yourself. If you loved the fish you wouldn't be eating it. It's your pleasure you're focused on."
Taking does not lead to love. Taking leads to an uncomfortable sense of indebtedness. Giving leads to love.
GIVING LEADS TO CARING
This point is confirmed by modern psychology. Therapists will tell you that when we give we have to rationalize to ourselves our expenditure of effort. So we look with greater favor upon the beneficiary of our kindness. We elevate their importance in our eyes in order to feel good about our actions. Giving leads to caring.
And the giving doesn't have to be large. It doesn't have to be on a grand scale. It doesn't have to be overwhelming. It doesn't require many dollars or many hours. And it opens our hearts.
Steve and Hilary were getting married. A friend of Hilary was coming into town for the wedding and needed a place to stay. Steve asked acquaintances of his, the Goldbergs, if they had any room. They said yes and were soon swept up in wedding preparations. Through this one small act of giving they felt immediately closer to the bride and groom, had the groom's family for lunch before the big event and developed a lasting relationship with the married couple.
Even smiling at someone leads to a greater sense of connection. As our Sages advise in Ethics of the Fathers: "Greet everyone with a smile on your face."
Once we appreciate how big a difference a little giving makes, we can begin to see its potential and importance in a marriage.
Give to your spouse. Make an accounting at the end of the day. Did I give to my mate five times today? Did I smile when my partner walked in the door at the end of the day? Did I remember to call home from work? Did I buy his favorite foods? Order her favorite book? Did I make dinner with care because I was thinking of the person I was serving? Did I pick up the dry cleaning? Did I take out the garbage?
These are not earthshaking tasks. They don't require monumental effort or extravagant expenditure. But they could change your world. And if you change you world, you will impact others as well.
Give and you'll care. Give and you'll love. And, even though this is not the goal, give and your partner will respond in kind.
There are a number of essential ways to give in a marriage, and in all relationships. One is to express appreciation. Don't take anything for granted. Whatever your spouse does for you, be grateful. Maybe you feel it's his job, maybe you feel it's expected, but be grateful anyway.
DON'T TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED
Jill and Mark were married for a few months and both were disappointed by the coldness in their relationship. Upon further exploration it was discovered that Mark never complimented Jill on the dinners she cooked. "She's home all day anyway. That's her job. She's just holding up her end of the bargain." And Jill never thanked Mark for working so hard to pay the bills. "That's what he's supposed to do. How would we survive otherwise?" Their counselor suggested they begin by giving each other one word of praise per day. This led to two, and then three, and then they lost count and warmth and love began to flourish.
All people need to be appreciated, and your spouse particularly. Especially if they are acting for your benefit.
When praising a small child's picture we are told not to say "it's beautiful" but to look carefully and single out different aspects. "I like all the colors you use. I especially like the purple. That sun looks so warm. I see you worked hard at this picture."
Although we like to pretend otherwise, we adults are no different. We like praise and the more detailed the better:
"That dessert was really spectacular. It looked and tasted good. That must have taken a long time."
"I like the way you presented that idea. It was so clear and easy to follow."
"Thank you for doing that errand for me. You saved me a lot of time."
"Mark called to say you really helped him and Jill in their marriage. They said you have a lot of insight and caring. I told them I agree."
The bottom line is you can't be too appreciative.
EMPATHY
Another aspect of giving is empathy. You and your mate have different reactions to situations, you are placed in different circumstances. But trying to understand your spouse's reaction to a situation and how it makes him/her feel will lead to greater intimacy.
Rachel wants to remodel her kitchen. Steve is just starting a new business. Rachel feels that Steve just doesn't appreciate what it's like for her to stare at the peeling paint, to have the drawers fall apart in her hands, to have all the items in an overstocked tiny cupboard come toppling down upon her; repeatedly throughout the day.
Steve is frustrated that Rachel doesn't understand the tremendous financial pressure he is experiencing right now and how anxious he is to make this venture succeed.
They're both right. Neither understands the other and hurt feelings arise and resentment builds. However with an open dialogue, each party would be able to understand empathize with the other's position, paving the way for compromise.
In order to build a truly unified relationship we must try to put ourselves in our partner's shoes. How does the world look for their perspective? The more skilled we become at empathy, the more meaningful our giving will be and the greater our closeness.
There is a famous story told of the great sage, the Chofetz Chaim. He was collecting money for a school that needed a furnace. On a bitter winter's night he went to the home of a wealthy benefactor. The supporter met the Rabbi at the door and invited him in. But the Chofetz Chaim would not go in. Only after he had obtained a sizeable donation from his chilled host did the Chofetz Chaim consent to enter his heated home. He was afraid that in the cozy warmth of the parlor, the man's empathy for the freezing students would be minimal. But on a freezing doorstep...
We should all try to stand on that freezing doorstep with our spouses. We should make a concerted effort to work on our empathy, and on our appreciation. If we devote our energy to giving to our mate we will experience a pleasure and intensity of love that cannot be discovered any other way.
Are you silently keeping score of who does what in your marriage? Here are some practical tips on how to give unconditionally and intensify your love.
Some people say marriage is give and take. Some say marriage is 50-50. The Jewish people have a different perspective: marriage is 100-100. Judaism says that marriage is giving and giving and giving ... and not keeping score.
The key to loving is giving. Not the key to being loved but the secret to loving. Why do parents feel so much more strongly for their children than vice versa? They've been giving to their children for such a long time.
We think we love the person who gives to us but we've got it backwards. That's just self-love. We love the people we give to.
The Rabbi who married my husband and me, R. Moshe Aharon Stern zt"l, told us a story. When he was a young boy in yeshiva, he was voraciously gobbling up his dinner one evening. His teacher approached him. "Moshe, you love that fish." Between bites, he responded affirmatively. "Wrong," boomed his teacher. "You don't love that fish, you love yourself. If you loved the fish you wouldn't be eating it. It's your pleasure you're focused on."
Taking does not lead to love. Taking leads to an uncomfortable sense of indebtedness. Giving leads to love.
GIVING LEADS TO CARING
This point is confirmed by modern psychology. Therapists will tell you that when we give we have to rationalize to ourselves our expenditure of effort. So we look with greater favor upon the beneficiary of our kindness. We elevate their importance in our eyes in order to feel good about our actions. Giving leads to caring.
And the giving doesn't have to be large. It doesn't have to be on a grand scale. It doesn't have to be overwhelming. It doesn't require many dollars or many hours. And it opens our hearts.
Steve and Hilary were getting married. A friend of Hilary was coming into town for the wedding and needed a place to stay. Steve asked acquaintances of his, the Goldbergs, if they had any room. They said yes and were soon swept up in wedding preparations. Through this one small act of giving they felt immediately closer to the bride and groom, had the groom's family for lunch before the big event and developed a lasting relationship with the married couple.
Even smiling at someone leads to a greater sense of connection. As our Sages advise in Ethics of the Fathers: "Greet everyone with a smile on your face."
Once we appreciate how big a difference a little giving makes, we can begin to see its potential and importance in a marriage.
Give to your spouse. Make an accounting at the end of the day. Did I give to my mate five times today? Did I smile when my partner walked in the door at the end of the day? Did I remember to call home from work? Did I buy his favorite foods? Order her favorite book? Did I make dinner with care because I was thinking of the person I was serving? Did I pick up the dry cleaning? Did I take out the garbage?
These are not earthshaking tasks. They don't require monumental effort or extravagant expenditure. But they could change your world. And if you change you world, you will impact others as well.
Give and you'll care. Give and you'll love. And, even though this is not the goal, give and your partner will respond in kind.
There are a number of essential ways to give in a marriage, and in all relationships. One is to express appreciation. Don't take anything for granted. Whatever your spouse does for you, be grateful. Maybe you feel it's his job, maybe you feel it's expected, but be grateful anyway.
DON'T TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED
Jill and Mark were married for a few months and both were disappointed by the coldness in their relationship. Upon further exploration it was discovered that Mark never complimented Jill on the dinners she cooked. "She's home all day anyway. That's her job. She's just holding up her end of the bargain." And Jill never thanked Mark for working so hard to pay the bills. "That's what he's supposed to do. How would we survive otherwise?" Their counselor suggested they begin by giving each other one word of praise per day. This led to two, and then three, and then they lost count and warmth and love began to flourish.
All people need to be appreciated, and your spouse particularly. Especially if they are acting for your benefit.
When praising a small child's picture we are told not to say "it's beautiful" but to look carefully and single out different aspects. "I like all the colors you use. I especially like the purple. That sun looks so warm. I see you worked hard at this picture."
Although we like to pretend otherwise, we adults are no different. We like praise and the more detailed the better:
"That dessert was really spectacular. It looked and tasted good. That must have taken a long time."
"I like the way you presented that idea. It was so clear and easy to follow."
"Thank you for doing that errand for me. You saved me a lot of time."
"Mark called to say you really helped him and Jill in their marriage. They said you have a lot of insight and caring. I told them I agree."
The bottom line is you can't be too appreciative.
EMPATHY
Another aspect of giving is empathy. You and your mate have different reactions to situations, you are placed in different circumstances. But trying to understand your spouse's reaction to a situation and how it makes him/her feel will lead to greater intimacy.
Rachel wants to remodel her kitchen. Steve is just starting a new business. Rachel feels that Steve just doesn't appreciate what it's like for her to stare at the peeling paint, to have the drawers fall apart in her hands, to have all the items in an overstocked tiny cupboard come toppling down upon her; repeatedly throughout the day.
Steve is frustrated that Rachel doesn't understand the tremendous financial pressure he is experiencing right now and how anxious he is to make this venture succeed.
They're both right. Neither understands the other and hurt feelings arise and resentment builds. However with an open dialogue, each party would be able to understand empathize with the other's position, paving the way for compromise.
In order to build a truly unified relationship we must try to put ourselves in our partner's shoes. How does the world look for their perspective? The more skilled we become at empathy, the more meaningful our giving will be and the greater our closeness.
There is a famous story told of the great sage, the Chofetz Chaim. He was collecting money for a school that needed a furnace. On a bitter winter's night he went to the home of a wealthy benefactor. The supporter met the Rabbi at the door and invited him in. But the Chofetz Chaim would not go in. Only after he had obtained a sizeable donation from his chilled host did the Chofetz Chaim consent to enter his heated home. He was afraid that in the cozy warmth of the parlor, the man's empathy for the freezing students would be minimal. But on a freezing doorstep...
We should all try to stand on that freezing doorstep with our spouses. We should make a concerted effort to work on our empathy, and on our appreciation. If we devote our energy to giving to our mate we will experience a pleasure and intensity of love that cannot be discovered any other way.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Im losing my mind
Well, It is more of me losing myself.
I am actually looking forward to work in Jan. I dun really like what Im doing now in school. I enjoy going for classes, especially SBM and leadership as I always feel very motivated and just happy to be learning a lot of things as the prof sorts of bring us to another world. But I do not enjoy doing projects. The long, tedious process of meeting everyone, meeting and meeting and endless meetings... I think I have had enough of it. I want to just learn like how I did in bkk. I miss the life there. So much. I miss you too Jy!
Im losing myself. Im losing motivation. Im not sure of what is it that I want anymore. Im not sure of what I want anymore. I dun have that kind of drive to bring me through all the projects anymore. How?
Im glad the trip is near... I cannot wait to leave this place for a while. I feel totally lost and suffocated now. I need a place to retreat back to. I need to be away from things. From the same things that seems to be haunting me nonstop. I hate that. I hate seeing problems occurring again and again. i hate myself for not being able to verbalise my feelings and thoughts better. I hate to be in this state.
In short. I am not happy. I feel that I have lost control of my life.
I need some time off to be with myself. I need to love myself more. I need to give myself more attention. I need to think about myself more.
And I have decided not to go on with the grad night dinner. I do not want to get myself involved in something that I might not be happy with afterall. There are many other ways to contribute. It is too much work to form a team. It is too much work to form a team with people who holds the same passion. I would rather keep that time and effort for something else. It is my graduation after all. I should enjoy it the way i like.
HS said that when it comes to bitching about school, I am last on the priority list. Cos my term is ending soon. Its the so near yet so far feeling that i Hate. Its the school cum working life that I hate. I enjoy school. I enjoy work. But I absolutely abhor working + schooling. I WILL NEVER let my kids go thru this next time. Yes, they have to work during vacation, but NOT during the normal terms. It is an emotional torture.
I want my financial independence.
I want my freedom of heart, mind and soul.
I want the euphoria of being just happy.
I miss work now really. Cos at work, i am in a world of my own. ME and Work. Me and Boss. Me and my performance. Me and my ideas. ME.
School is a game with a totally different set of rules althogether.
Im done with school. Im glad im done with school. SOON....
I am actually looking forward to work in Jan. I dun really like what Im doing now in school. I enjoy going for classes, especially SBM and leadership as I always feel very motivated and just happy to be learning a lot of things as the prof sorts of bring us to another world. But I do not enjoy doing projects. The long, tedious process of meeting everyone, meeting and meeting and endless meetings... I think I have had enough of it. I want to just learn like how I did in bkk. I miss the life there. So much. I miss you too Jy!
Im losing myself. Im losing motivation. Im not sure of what is it that I want anymore. Im not sure of what I want anymore. I dun have that kind of drive to bring me through all the projects anymore. How?
Im glad the trip is near... I cannot wait to leave this place for a while. I feel totally lost and suffocated now. I need a place to retreat back to. I need to be away from things. From the same things that seems to be haunting me nonstop. I hate that. I hate seeing problems occurring again and again. i hate myself for not being able to verbalise my feelings and thoughts better. I hate to be in this state.
In short. I am not happy. I feel that I have lost control of my life.
I need some time off to be with myself. I need to love myself more. I need to give myself more attention. I need to think about myself more.
And I have decided not to go on with the grad night dinner. I do not want to get myself involved in something that I might not be happy with afterall. There are many other ways to contribute. It is too much work to form a team. It is too much work to form a team with people who holds the same passion. I would rather keep that time and effort for something else. It is my graduation after all. I should enjoy it the way i like.
HS said that when it comes to bitching about school, I am last on the priority list. Cos my term is ending soon. Its the so near yet so far feeling that i Hate. Its the school cum working life that I hate. I enjoy school. I enjoy work. But I absolutely abhor working + schooling. I WILL NEVER let my kids go thru this next time. Yes, they have to work during vacation, but NOT during the normal terms. It is an emotional torture.
I want my financial independence.
I want my freedom of heart, mind and soul.
I want the euphoria of being just happy.
I miss work now really. Cos at work, i am in a world of my own. ME and Work. Me and Boss. Me and my performance. Me and my ideas. ME.
School is a game with a totally different set of rules althogether.
Im done with school. Im glad im done with school. SOON....
Sunday, September 17, 2006
BIG NAP
WOAH...
I HAD one of the greatest naps so far... But it could have been better if AH gong and papa hadnt both decided to have the RADIO and TV on at the SAME TIME. NOISY!!!!
But hey... Why is the world going to crumble? Not going to crumble... Life is full of hope. YEah.. I still have my vision and my dream.. AHAHAHAH...
SEE SEE... SHI who lacks sleep is definitely grumpy... highly irritated and is just AHAH... HARD TO PLEASE and very pessimistic. Now she is feeling good. Happy.. positve again!
I am still angry fifth the flu... making me so sleepy... and it is a big drain of my energy.
I HAD one of the greatest naps so far... But it could have been better if AH gong and papa hadnt both decided to have the RADIO and TV on at the SAME TIME. NOISY!!!!
But hey... Why is the world going to crumble? Not going to crumble... Life is full of hope. YEah.. I still have my vision and my dream.. AHAHAHAH...
SEE SEE... SHI who lacks sleep is definitely grumpy... highly irritated and is just AHAH... HARD TO PLEASE and very pessimistic. Now she is feeling good. Happy.. positve again!
I am still angry fifth the flu... making me so sleepy... and it is a big drain of my energy.
Im tired
Suddenly, its seems as if the world is going to crumble.
I detest this feeling of doubt, uncertainty and blurring of the vision ahead. At least, of the vision that I thought I would see ahead.
Prof Davis said that "destiny" is the most important to a company. It is the company's dream, the company's purpose, their ultimate goal.
Prof Brown said that a leader needs to have a vision and the ability to hold true, hold on and lead people to fulfill and eventually see this vision is important.
Martha Luther King said repeatedly in his speech for the freedom of the blacks that he has a dream.
Anyway, this is the sunday in a VERY long time that I actually get to be home and which i get to choose how I would like to spend it. Last Sunday I was out with my sister and mum. The sunday b4 I was at kk hospital with my sis. The previous sunday b4 that I was working. And so was the one b4 that.
It is a luxury to be home. It is a luxury to be able to have the whole day free, with nothing planned, no one to dictate how your day should be spent, no one to interrupt. SY, now i know what you mean when you say you just like to stay home and slack.
I watched channel 8 while eating my chicken rice just now. I miss this feeling of being able to sit on the comfy sofa in the living room and watch whatever show that they broadcast on channel 8. I love to watch the taiwanese variety shows. I love to watch the hk dramas. I love to watch china's documentaries. I enjoy watching Singapore's drama too.
I am pretty attached to the chinese roots. The culture, the language, the stories, the history... Everything is so close to heart.
I wanna be able to do all these more often. I dun enjoy working at all. Not when Im schooling. I really miss those days in Chula. Its just study and play. I can concentrate totally. I need a break. Im still fighting my flu, which doesnt seem to be improving much. Imtired. So tired.
I detest this feeling of doubt, uncertainty and blurring of the vision ahead. At least, of the vision that I thought I would see ahead.
Prof Davis said that "destiny" is the most important to a company. It is the company's dream, the company's purpose, their ultimate goal.
Prof Brown said that a leader needs to have a vision and the ability to hold true, hold on and lead people to fulfill and eventually see this vision is important.
Martha Luther King said repeatedly in his speech for the freedom of the blacks that he has a dream.
Anyway, this is the sunday in a VERY long time that I actually get to be home and which i get to choose how I would like to spend it. Last Sunday I was out with my sister and mum. The sunday b4 I was at kk hospital with my sis. The previous sunday b4 that I was working. And so was the one b4 that.
It is a luxury to be home. It is a luxury to be able to have the whole day free, with nothing planned, no one to dictate how your day should be spent, no one to interrupt. SY, now i know what you mean when you say you just like to stay home and slack.
I watched channel 8 while eating my chicken rice just now. I miss this feeling of being able to sit on the comfy sofa in the living room and watch whatever show that they broadcast on channel 8. I love to watch the taiwanese variety shows. I love to watch the hk dramas. I love to watch china's documentaries. I enjoy watching Singapore's drama too.
I am pretty attached to the chinese roots. The culture, the language, the stories, the history... Everything is so close to heart.
I wanna be able to do all these more often. I dun enjoy working at all. Not when Im schooling. I really miss those days in Chula. Its just study and play. I can concentrate totally. I need a break. Im still fighting my flu, which doesnt seem to be improving much. Imtired. So tired.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Graduating Class of 2007
I went for commencement briefing today. To my horror, there were less than 10 souls in the room. And that was including me and SY. And we are talking about close to 800 students graduating. I guess since most of them are only graduating next year, they dun really bother to turn up for this dialogue.
There were some pretty interesting issues brought up by registrar office. ACtually it was isabelle from OIR that suggested it. She was saying that in the US, students who went overseas for study for a few semesters, just like our exchange program had this sort of scarf thingy, but you dun tie it.. that is of the country in which they did their overseas exchange hanging on their shoulders when they wear the gown. She was wondering if that can be done in smu too..
It would be awkward if there are only one or two people wearing it. But i suppose it is really interesting to see people with different flags of the country in which they spent like 1 semester in, hanging on the shouders and to accessorise the gown. It does bring out the "international" aspect of SMU now that we truly have more than 100 partnerships with universities overseas. Morever, I suppose more than 50% of the students actually go on exchange here and I strongly believe that the exchange program is one very unique and significant part of our Uni life. I think most of you that have gone for exchange must have felt it too. Perhaps there are better ways of doing this than to hang the flag-scarf of the country on the graduating gown but the idea is there. People said that it makes sense to show one or two stripes on the gown if the person has obtained a cum laude or summa cum laude or magna cum laude and it is meaningless to have that scarf there. They feel that there is some sort of discrimination against students who cannot afford to go on exchange and whom therefore do not have a chance to put that scarf on.
I would personally disagree because firstly, by having the stripes there or whatever to signify the great honours is itself a form of discrimination to begin with. Secondly, exchange itself is not expensive or at least not to the extend that it is not affordable when firstly, no one says that you must go to europe or US for exchange when there are cheaper places in Asia to have an equally fulfilling time. Besides, the school does offer Loans for overseas study. Lastly, GRADES and HONOURS are only for the first job and mainly, GOvernment jobs and Big Banks... If you cant perform and if you can only study and get ya As but you cant work, do you think you can keep your job? If you cannot get along with the people in the work place, do you think you can keep your job? If you are good, employees will want you. Many a time, it is the attitude, the life skills, the soft skills and the ability to perform in different environment that matters. The exchange program is one of the best decision i have ever made in my life and it has great significance to me. There are so much that I learnt during my short stint of 4 months overseas and that is something that the As in school CANNOT and WILL NOT be able to provide and replace.
By the way... A lot of people have been asking me.. Woah.. so you are graduating.. so how? Getting a first class ar.. ( By the way, SMU does not have a First class thingy.. that is the british system... we have only 3 kinds of honours... Summa CUm LAUDE, Magna Cum LAude, and CUM laude). Thank you for thinking that I actually look like a SUMM CUM LAUDE but sorry, am not a SUmma Cum LAUDE. I do not have a fantastic set of GPA but I do not think that I am in anyway inferior to another person with a SUmma. Grades are not everything in life. Honours or not... well... its all over. It DOESNT matter.... I have many other commitments in life and having to juggle work, studies and CCA commitments wasnt easy. I am however, happy with all that I have learnt and improved all these years. RElationships did take a lot of time and energy away from my studies too. Especially when the problems cropped up. However, there was no better way in which I could have understood myself better and there is no way in which I was able to grow to who I am today without the Work, the CCA and the relationships. These are the things that money cannot buy. To have As and be only good in As... That is not me. We all have a different set of values. I guess I have found mine and I am happy with it. Of course, I have nothing against As and people with good honours. But What im saying is, I am not born a genius to be able to juggle everything that I have plus a set of fantastic results and so.. I chose to have an okay set of results but living my life to the fullest still. There are people who thinks otherwise and may think that hey.. I must not let anything affect my studies and I should only study and do nothing else or pretend to be holding major posts in different CCA groups but is in fact not committed and not really gaining anything out of it just so that they can decorate their resumes. These people are not only screwing up their own lives, but they are screwing up other people's lives cos in a group, it is ok if you do not contribute, but dun be a liability.
ANYWAY...
Helen from OAA was "hinting" that maybe I wanna organise the graduates' night dinner for my batch this year. Although I am holding back a little cos my work actually starts in Jan, but I think my passion in doing what I am doing and the belief that this is indeed something meaningful and something that I will also have fun in makes me wanna go ahead and take the lead. Moreover, I did this once 2 years ago and I had a lot of fun working with the different offices and the Alumni. Besides, If I dun do something about it.. I guess I might regret for this is one last chance to do something so unique.. AHAH.. I enjoy doing all these things.. and the most important thing is i truly enjoyed working with the OAA people and the seniors in the alumni who, despite their work commitments, still take time out to help out in events like that.
I wanna recruit a team who believes in this as much as I do. A team who shares this passion and is willing to contribute and walk through it despite their work commitments or studies. A team who will at the end of the day have fun and learn from the whole event. Now that I see what is in sight, and the fact that this event does interest me and is making me feel kind of excited.. I am willing to take the lead and work something out.
There is senior class gift and the alumni scholarship fund thingy to handle too... I will get a team... and I will work towards that vision.
There were some pretty interesting issues brought up by registrar office. ACtually it was isabelle from OIR that suggested it. She was saying that in the US, students who went overseas for study for a few semesters, just like our exchange program had this sort of scarf thingy, but you dun tie it.. that is of the country in which they did their overseas exchange hanging on their shoulders when they wear the gown. She was wondering if that can be done in smu too..
It would be awkward if there are only one or two people wearing it. But i suppose it is really interesting to see people with different flags of the country in which they spent like 1 semester in, hanging on the shouders and to accessorise the gown. It does bring out the "international" aspect of SMU now that we truly have more than 100 partnerships with universities overseas. Morever, I suppose more than 50% of the students actually go on exchange here and I strongly believe that the exchange program is one very unique and significant part of our Uni life. I think most of you that have gone for exchange must have felt it too. Perhaps there are better ways of doing this than to hang the flag-scarf of the country on the graduating gown but the idea is there. People said that it makes sense to show one or two stripes on the gown if the person has obtained a cum laude or summa cum laude or magna cum laude and it is meaningless to have that scarf there. They feel that there is some sort of discrimination against students who cannot afford to go on exchange and whom therefore do not have a chance to put that scarf on.
I would personally disagree because firstly, by having the stripes there or whatever to signify the great honours is itself a form of discrimination to begin with. Secondly, exchange itself is not expensive or at least not to the extend that it is not affordable when firstly, no one says that you must go to europe or US for exchange when there are cheaper places in Asia to have an equally fulfilling time. Besides, the school does offer Loans for overseas study. Lastly, GRADES and HONOURS are only for the first job and mainly, GOvernment jobs and Big Banks... If you cant perform and if you can only study and get ya As but you cant work, do you think you can keep your job? If you cannot get along with the people in the work place, do you think you can keep your job? If you are good, employees will want you. Many a time, it is the attitude, the life skills, the soft skills and the ability to perform in different environment that matters. The exchange program is one of the best decision i have ever made in my life and it has great significance to me. There are so much that I learnt during my short stint of 4 months overseas and that is something that the As in school CANNOT and WILL NOT be able to provide and replace.
By the way... A lot of people have been asking me.. Woah.. so you are graduating.. so how? Getting a first class ar.. ( By the way, SMU does not have a First class thingy.. that is the british system... we have only 3 kinds of honours... Summa CUm LAUDE, Magna Cum LAude, and CUM laude). Thank you for thinking that I actually look like a SUMM CUM LAUDE but sorry, am not a SUmma Cum LAUDE. I do not have a fantastic set of GPA but I do not think that I am in anyway inferior to another person with a SUmma. Grades are not everything in life. Honours or not... well... its all over. It DOESNT matter.... I have many other commitments in life and having to juggle work, studies and CCA commitments wasnt easy. I am however, happy with all that I have learnt and improved all these years. RElationships did take a lot of time and energy away from my studies too. Especially when the problems cropped up. However, there was no better way in which I could have understood myself better and there is no way in which I was able to grow to who I am today without the Work, the CCA and the relationships. These are the things that money cannot buy. To have As and be only good in As... That is not me. We all have a different set of values. I guess I have found mine and I am happy with it. Of course, I have nothing against As and people with good honours. But What im saying is, I am not born a genius to be able to juggle everything that I have plus a set of fantastic results and so.. I chose to have an okay set of results but living my life to the fullest still. There are people who thinks otherwise and may think that hey.. I must not let anything affect my studies and I should only study and do nothing else or pretend to be holding major posts in different CCA groups but is in fact not committed and not really gaining anything out of it just so that they can decorate their resumes. These people are not only screwing up their own lives, but they are screwing up other people's lives cos in a group, it is ok if you do not contribute, but dun be a liability.
ANYWAY...
Helen from OAA was "hinting" that maybe I wanna organise the graduates' night dinner for my batch this year. Although I am holding back a little cos my work actually starts in Jan, but I think my passion in doing what I am doing and the belief that this is indeed something meaningful and something that I will also have fun in makes me wanna go ahead and take the lead. Moreover, I did this once 2 years ago and I had a lot of fun working with the different offices and the Alumni. Besides, If I dun do something about it.. I guess I might regret for this is one last chance to do something so unique.. AHAH.. I enjoy doing all these things.. and the most important thing is i truly enjoyed working with the OAA people and the seniors in the alumni who, despite their work commitments, still take time out to help out in events like that.
I wanna recruit a team who believes in this as much as I do. A team who shares this passion and is willing to contribute and walk through it despite their work commitments or studies. A team who will at the end of the day have fun and learn from the whole event. Now that I see what is in sight, and the fact that this event does interest me and is making me feel kind of excited.. I am willing to take the lead and work something out.
There is senior class gift and the alumni scholarship fund thingy to handle too... I will get a team... and I will work towards that vision.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
SNiff sniff with a sexy husky voice
Gosh... Im getting the full blown flu now. Sy!! I should have just waited for it to be full blown b4 i go see doc. Although it is free.. but i think i got worst... much worst. Today I went to see the doc again... He gave me anti biotics le.. And some more other medicine. Sigh...
Why is it that when i really and finally was ready to get on with my resolution, i have to be attacked by the flu virus. The virus is making me weak and I am perpetually tired. I need to energy. No matter how much i sleep, it just doenst seem enough. But i have one thousand and one things to do on hand... but i cant help it now. I need to rest. Arrggh...
Corp reporting quiz is in week 6... now is week 4... can you imagine.. and week4 is about to end and i havent even started reading my chapters. That's it le.. Im about to die le... I think next week i would have to give my work a miss. I cannot afford the time. I need to study. All the other courses have compulsory readings every week. I need to make time for my quiz. All the other subjects have small little things that are due. BEary irritating....
Hiaz... Hiaz...I am forever reading cases. Every subject except corp reporting requires me to read cases.. READINg AND READING... what about my corp reporting??? ARRGGHHH
Im scared...
BEARY ANGRY FIFTH DA FLU VIRUS!!
Why is it that when i really and finally was ready to get on with my resolution, i have to be attacked by the flu virus. The virus is making me weak and I am perpetually tired. I need to energy. No matter how much i sleep, it just doenst seem enough. But i have one thousand and one things to do on hand... but i cant help it now. I need to rest. Arrggh...
Corp reporting quiz is in week 6... now is week 4... can you imagine.. and week4 is about to end and i havent even started reading my chapters. That's it le.. Im about to die le... I think next week i would have to give my work a miss. I cannot afford the time. I need to study. All the other courses have compulsory readings every week. I need to make time for my quiz. All the other subjects have small little things that are due. BEary irritating....
Hiaz... Hiaz...I am forever reading cases. Every subject except corp reporting requires me to read cases.. READINg AND READING... what about my corp reporting??? ARRGGHHH
Im scared...
BEARY ANGRY FIFTH DA FLU VIRUS!!
Monday, September 11, 2006
Sick little thing
OOOOoooooOOOOO
Im down with a bad throat. An impending flu...
I didnt feel too well today. Since yesterday actually. I cant really breathe normally cos my throat seems to be a little swollen, dry yet, painful. It was bad.
I had MB and SY to accompany me to the school doc. I didnt know that I didnt have to pay a single cent. Cos the other time, b4 i left for my exchange, I remembered paying for it first and then going to the admin building to apply for reimbursement. This way is so much better.. Less red tape.
I was all ready to commit to my resolution when the flu attack sort of changed everything. I was ready to wake up this morning but the headache made me go back to sleep. Arrghh.. And yes.. Now i have to eat medicine that is making me drowsy... ARRGGHH.. My nose is beginning to block. ARRGGHH
Im so full now.. The kway teow Mee soup was delicious but I think i drank too much soup. I dun have much appetite today. Oh.. I know why I am so full now.. I had my lunch at around 4pm. Here I am eating my dinner at 9pm... And All i did was to sit at the library cafe... No wonder... SIgh.. Now i am suffering from indigestion.
Oh the doc advice me to eat more vitamin C. I think a lot of people in school is down with flu and therefore, he actually had an article on the importance and effectiveness of VIT C clipped onto that board where the X rays are suppose to be read just so that he can put that point across.
My MSN is down. Woah.. Now I can officially get out of it. Well... I am suffering from the withdrawal syndromes though.. I wonder what went wrong.
When I am emotionally strong again... My physical wellness suffers. Hiaz.. maybe i shouldnt have talked about the flu reimbursement. HERE I AM BACK TO A FLU SPIN!!!
Im down with a bad throat. An impending flu...
I didnt feel too well today. Since yesterday actually. I cant really breathe normally cos my throat seems to be a little swollen, dry yet, painful. It was bad.
I had MB and SY to accompany me to the school doc. I didnt know that I didnt have to pay a single cent. Cos the other time, b4 i left for my exchange, I remembered paying for it first and then going to the admin building to apply for reimbursement. This way is so much better.. Less red tape.
I was all ready to commit to my resolution when the flu attack sort of changed everything. I was ready to wake up this morning but the headache made me go back to sleep. Arrghh.. And yes.. Now i have to eat medicine that is making me drowsy... ARRGGHH.. My nose is beginning to block. ARRGGHH
Im so full now.. The kway teow Mee soup was delicious but I think i drank too much soup. I dun have much appetite today. Oh.. I know why I am so full now.. I had my lunch at around 4pm. Here I am eating my dinner at 9pm... And All i did was to sit at the library cafe... No wonder... SIgh.. Now i am suffering from indigestion.
Oh the doc advice me to eat more vitamin C. I think a lot of people in school is down with flu and therefore, he actually had an article on the importance and effectiveness of VIT C clipped onto that board where the X rays are suppose to be read just so that he can put that point across.
My MSN is down. Woah.. Now I can officially get out of it. Well... I am suffering from the withdrawal syndromes though.. I wonder what went wrong.
When I am emotionally strong again... My physical wellness suffers. Hiaz.. maybe i shouldnt have talked about the flu reimbursement. HERE I AM BACK TO A FLU SPIN!!!
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Its been a Long Long while... 3 months special...
Chillie crab with Deep fried Mantou... ARRGHHH!!! SO delicious.. Everyone.. please go try the CHEESE + BUTTER PRAWN @ JUMBO SEAFOOD. I have decided to short list this place for my commencement family dinner. YUMMY!
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Some resolutions...
I need to change my lifestyle a little.
Yes, although I am only taking 3.5 modules.. Now it is essentially 4, but I feel like I am taking 6 modules. I have no time for myself. I cannot find time to just lay on my bed to read my fav books. I dun have time to watch television. Now.. That is very wrong.
I need to set aside time for work, school, family and friends and most importantly, myself. OK. I need to adjust some of my priorities.
First of all.. I "create time". To achieve that...
Yes, although I am only taking 3.5 modules.. Now it is essentially 4, but I feel like I am taking 6 modules. I have no time for myself. I cannot find time to just lay on my bed to read my fav books. I dun have time to watch television. Now.. That is very wrong.
I need to set aside time for work, school, family and friends and most importantly, myself. OK. I need to adjust some of my priorities.
First of all.. I "create time". To achieve that...
- Wake up at 730 am each morning. Be in bed by 1230am. I need to make sure that I have adequate sleep and start my day early each morning. If I can actually bring myself to start my day early, I can actually enjoy a lot of perks. Firstly, I can definitely finish my readings. All the assigned readings. I can finish all my assignment. I will be able to spend more time on my projects. This sem the projects are pretty hardcore. I know the big rock is rolling my way. It is either i prepare well or be flattened.. Next, If i actually wake up early and be in school early, I will be able to get my free copy of Biz times and Financial times. I need to keep up with the news.
- Stop msning unnecessarily. Surfing the net and just plain doing nothing is an utter waste of time and energy. I need to get myself in shape. By reducing these junk activities, I will have more time for other things.
- Eat right and eat properly. Hungry shi is angry shi. Shi who doesnt get satisfaction from her food will be a depressed shi. Food is important. I need a balanced diet too... Time to eat more fruits and drink more water.
- I need to keep my room tidy. Otherwise I cannot get started on work. The dominant thing in my table.. the Number one is my acer. And that shouldnt be the way especially at home. Since At home, unless I am doing and assignment or researching for project, there is no reason as to why and how it should be a dominant player in my life at home.
This is one last lap. A final one.. I need to do it well. I need to have time for everything.. My family too.
Yes.. Im looking forward to my Ho chi minh and Nepal.. and cos all these need financing, I am desperately earning my keep for these trips. Not easy.. hope week 8 to hurry come then I will be left with one module less. That will leave me more time for all other things.
I have been keeping up with all my modules except one. I havent had time to read the text and I MUST. The quiz is in 3 weeks time. I Dun wanna be a last min person AGAIN.
When all these are in place... I know I will be happy. when i am happy, people around me will be happy. That is a cycle of happiness....
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Nepal yay!!
Congratulations to Sy and Shi...
We are both selected for Project Namaste and Will be going to NEPAL together.
Now I have a buddy to shop for winter clothes.
We went to taka today after the networking session in school. We got to know this lady from great eastern. At first Sy and I was trying to siam the Prudential people but we still kenna in the end.. the guy was rather loh soh... like old lady... Made us filled up some forms and then trying to sell us the idea of how much they can be earning or that they are earning now... Man.. If it is so good why are people flocking to citigroup and morgan? Not prudential leh? But anyway, the lady from great eastern is really nice.. She is so humourous and We spent like 1 hour trying to eat our sushi and curry puff glamourously while chatting with her. This is a real successful networking session. AHAH.. talk and talk and talk for so long yet it is really interesting and most importantly... very naturally. Hey.. if you can speak the way she does.. you will be like her.. be in the top sales person every month for the company and be even nominated for the million-dollar something.. I cant remember the name but it is some prestigious title. She has succesfully made me see an interest in buying insurance from her next time. Though her primary goal was to recruit us. But the thing is.. she never talk about recruiting nor wanting us to buy any policies from her. In fact, she agreed to help sy with her sourcing of internship opportunities in hong kong. AHah... Nette came halfway thru... then she was also very interested... She just wants to have a chance to be near her egg tart right?
Anyway.. back to the lady.. she is one unique character and super funny. AHAH...
I did a bit of shopping today. Bought a bikini set at a super super good deal... I shall not mention here but it is just DAMN CHEAP.
I am very very hungry now. SY!! the mudpie and that spanish rice thing that we shared from coffee club is just not enough. AAGGHH... HUNGRY
We are both selected for Project Namaste and Will be going to NEPAL together.
Now I have a buddy to shop for winter clothes.
We went to taka today after the networking session in school. We got to know this lady from great eastern. At first Sy and I was trying to siam the Prudential people but we still kenna in the end.. the guy was rather loh soh... like old lady... Made us filled up some forms and then trying to sell us the idea of how much they can be earning or that they are earning now... Man.. If it is so good why are people flocking to citigroup and morgan? Not prudential leh? But anyway, the lady from great eastern is really nice.. She is so humourous and We spent like 1 hour trying to eat our sushi and curry puff glamourously while chatting with her. This is a real successful networking session. AHAH.. talk and talk and talk for so long yet it is really interesting and most importantly... very naturally. Hey.. if you can speak the way she does.. you will be like her.. be in the top sales person every month for the company and be even nominated for the million-dollar something.. I cant remember the name but it is some prestigious title. She has succesfully made me see an interest in buying insurance from her next time. Though her primary goal was to recruit us. But the thing is.. she never talk about recruiting nor wanting us to buy any policies from her. In fact, she agreed to help sy with her sourcing of internship opportunities in hong kong. AHah... Nette came halfway thru... then she was also very interested... She just wants to have a chance to be near her egg tart right?
Anyway.. back to the lady.. she is one unique character and super funny. AHAH...
I did a bit of shopping today. Bought a bikini set at a super super good deal... I shall not mention here but it is just DAMN CHEAP.
I am very very hungry now. SY!! the mudpie and that spanish rice thing that we shared from coffee club is just not enough. AAGGHH... HUNGRY
Thursday, September 07, 2006
The yong tau foo made my day!
I finally received the claims from AIG for my fever and flu when i was in bkk. Guess what.. I almost forgot about that. They covered the S$76 that i spent at the five-star-hotel-look-alike BMH hospital. This is really expensive. I have never paid so much for flu in my whole life. AHah... Anyway.. that was a long wait.
Tonight I have to finish 2 articles plus on 2 page weekly reflections. Tom morning i would have to wake up at like around 700am to watch Gandhi. It is a 3 hour movie. Woah.. I think i will go buy nasi lemak + soy bean drink while watching it on my tv. I have been craving it for eons le... . the food that is. Dun wanna watch on my lappie. BEsides, i havent been eating well and eating proper meals lately.
That said. I better get going. It is time to piece my life together again. I have to attend to these other parts which i have been neglecting. No good.
The yong tau foo in school makes my day. That is all that is important. Im glad auntie had luncheon meat this time. my heart almost sank when i couldnt find the luncheon meat. It was embedded in this pile of wantons... AHHAAH
Yummy dinner... SIMPLE but GOOD.
Tonight I have to finish 2 articles plus on 2 page weekly reflections. Tom morning i would have to wake up at like around 700am to watch Gandhi. It is a 3 hour movie. Woah.. I think i will go buy nasi lemak + soy bean drink while watching it on my tv. I have been craving it for eons le... . the food that is. Dun wanna watch on my lappie. BEsides, i havent been eating well and eating proper meals lately.
That said. I better get going. It is time to piece my life together again. I have to attend to these other parts which i have been neglecting. No good.
The yong tau foo in school makes my day. That is all that is important. Im glad auntie had luncheon meat this time. my heart almost sank when i couldnt find the luncheon meat. It was embedded in this pile of wantons... AHHAAH
Yummy dinner... SIMPLE but GOOD.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Ho Chi Minh is IN!! Nepal??
alrighty...
I have booked the tickets to HCM. This is going to be my first trip to Vietnam. Everyone says that I should go to Hanoi instead and it doesnt help that all these comments came from the vietnamese themselves. They said that there isnt anything much to see at HCM. But tiger airways had screwed up timings for their hanoi flights and SY and I definitely do not wanna settle for some wierd dates which would otherwise make us the number one hated project mate in all our groups during term break. BESIDES.. we have decided to be anal about going against their so called advice on not going when there is nothing much to see. We wanna make sure for ourselves that there is really "nothing to see". Well, if we had wanted a lot of things to see, for sure we would have departed for bkk. But we have already promised ourselves that for almost the same amount of money, we should venture into other countries. Besides, it is the different experience and culture that I am looking for. Nothing compared to bkk.. At least, im not looking for a Bkk substitute. JY!!! Im not sure if you wanna join us. Cos we can wait for you in HCM. And I can go and book a hotel for all of us. Let me know k? I havent been able to catch you online... You seem to be having a great time with all ya korean mates at BKK ya?
Im in school right now. I just had my interview for the Nepal service learning trip. I am actually very very excited about that trip. Its "0 deg celsius" that we are talking about here. And well.. I have to invest in a set of winter clothes anyway. For Yantai, i will definitely need one set, if I were to go to Korea, it is winter in dec too... and Nepal.. for sure im going to be freezing.. Besides I think it is really really cool to be able to go to Nepal. I dun think that i will actually set foot on this country in the near future. Despite the political instability, some of my friends who were part of the recce team did confirm that the situation over there has improved. And also, having stayed in bkk during those times when there were strong anti-singapore sentiments and riots back there, things wasnt as bad as the way the press portrayed the whole situation. After all the school- building and doing what we were supposed to do there... i was told we are going to travel around the area during the weekends. Isnt this a a nice and meaningful Graduation trip??Anyway, my graduation trip part one is in Vietnam. That would be a very relaxing one....
AHHA.. Now i hope that both SY and I get the Nepal trip!!! That would be so nice. She is going to be my new classic pic partner for my upcoming travelling trips. Yay!!
This is the first year in my life that I have actually travelled so much. To so many different countries and for so many reasons. I am definitely addicted to travelling. But hey.. That excludes the business trips cos business trips are killer trips. They drain the very last drop of blood and energy out of you. And how evident is that? Look at my pics on the return flight and you will understand why...
Anyhow... I have yes... officially signed my freedom with the company yesterday. I got my keys!!!!I enjoy having lunch with them. HAah.. They are a funny bunch of peeps. Two different groups of lunch kakis.. One is when I am the only girl.. The other is when there is only one guy. HAHA... So many new faces there. I am looking forward to my job! And Im glad that I can just concentrate on my trips now... Oh.. I mean.. on my studies and trips now...
For all these soul-enriching upcoming experiences... I feel my motivation level up again. Its had been pretty roller coaster these days.. My motivation level and mood is like the stock market. Overall, it is a bullish market. Come.. come... Invest in me stock!!
I have booked the tickets to HCM. This is going to be my first trip to Vietnam. Everyone says that I should go to Hanoi instead and it doesnt help that all these comments came from the vietnamese themselves. They said that there isnt anything much to see at HCM. But tiger airways had screwed up timings for their hanoi flights and SY and I definitely do not wanna settle for some wierd dates which would otherwise make us the number one hated project mate in all our groups during term break. BESIDES.. we have decided to be anal about going against their so called advice on not going when there is nothing much to see. We wanna make sure for ourselves that there is really "nothing to see". Well, if we had wanted a lot of things to see, for sure we would have departed for bkk. But we have already promised ourselves that for almost the same amount of money, we should venture into other countries. Besides, it is the different experience and culture that I am looking for. Nothing compared to bkk.. At least, im not looking for a Bkk substitute. JY!!! Im not sure if you wanna join us. Cos we can wait for you in HCM. And I can go and book a hotel for all of us. Let me know k? I havent been able to catch you online... You seem to be having a great time with all ya korean mates at BKK ya?
Im in school right now. I just had my interview for the Nepal service learning trip. I am actually very very excited about that trip. Its "0 deg celsius" that we are talking about here. And well.. I have to invest in a set of winter clothes anyway. For Yantai, i will definitely need one set, if I were to go to Korea, it is winter in dec too... and Nepal.. for sure im going to be freezing.. Besides I think it is really really cool to be able to go to Nepal. I dun think that i will actually set foot on this country in the near future. Despite the political instability, some of my friends who were part of the recce team did confirm that the situation over there has improved. And also, having stayed in bkk during those times when there were strong anti-singapore sentiments and riots back there, things wasnt as bad as the way the press portrayed the whole situation. After all the school- building and doing what we were supposed to do there... i was told we are going to travel around the area during the weekends. Isnt this a a nice and meaningful Graduation trip??Anyway, my graduation trip part one is in Vietnam. That would be a very relaxing one....
AHHA.. Now i hope that both SY and I get the Nepal trip!!! That would be so nice. She is going to be my new classic pic partner for my upcoming travelling trips. Yay!!
This is the first year in my life that I have actually travelled so much. To so many different countries and for so many reasons. I am definitely addicted to travelling. But hey.. That excludes the business trips cos business trips are killer trips. They drain the very last drop of blood and energy out of you. And how evident is that? Look at my pics on the return flight and you will understand why...
Anyhow... I have yes... officially signed my freedom with the company yesterday. I got my keys!!!!I enjoy having lunch with them. HAah.. They are a funny bunch of peeps. Two different groups of lunch kakis.. One is when I am the only girl.. The other is when there is only one guy. HAHA... So many new faces there. I am looking forward to my job! And Im glad that I can just concentrate on my trips now... Oh.. I mean.. on my studies and trips now...
For all these soul-enriching upcoming experiences... I feel my motivation level up again. Its had been pretty roller coaster these days.. My motivation level and mood is like the stock market. Overall, it is a bullish market. Come.. come... Invest in me stock!!
Control
It is important to exert control in our lives. And the utmost important would be the control of the mind. I am a pessimist by nature... probably due to my nurture. But very good friends around me always remind me of the importance and the effectiveness of having an optimistic mind and also on the outlook of things. Challenges and obstacles are always there. Without them, i guess we would have a hard time trying to find our worth. Though very often they seem to darken our path and many a time when the future seems bleak, we tend to opt for the closure of everything and retreat into a corner where our soul and mind can take a rest, and hopefully be away from all the ugly, and although this seems absurd, but i guess during this time... no matter how illogical this may sound, inside all of us, i believe that we all hope that this retreat would allow us some transformation time, to hopefully change all the ugly into a mere nightmare, something that you can wake up and forget, something that you can move on with immediately, something that will just not be there anymore. But life is most often the contrary. All the unhappiness remain. Like it or not, they will not disappear. And yes.. the harsh reality is that we have to come back out from the retreat eventually... and FACE THEM. And since we have to face all the ugly... which is already a very negative feeling.. If we were to continue with a pessimistic point of view... Nothing will ever work out.
And so.. I try.. And i am trying very hard now.. To stay positive. I would have given up long ago. But i chose to hang on. And since i have already hung on... I shall continue. I am at the verge of breaking and giving up truly.... But i think i should stop harbouring such thoughts. It will do me no good. And certainly, it will make things worst.
I just need some support. Never have I truly gotten a sincere form of support. And she is the most important person in my life.
I came a long way from back then based on the optimism and perserverance. I guess i shall hang on... Not give up. Im tired however. Very drained.
And so.. I try.. And i am trying very hard now.. To stay positive. I would have given up long ago. But i chose to hang on. And since i have already hung on... I shall continue. I am at the verge of breaking and giving up truly.... But i think i should stop harbouring such thoughts. It will do me no good. And certainly, it will make things worst.
I just need some support. Never have I truly gotten a sincere form of support. And she is the most important person in my life.
I came a long way from back then based on the optimism and perserverance. I guess i shall hang on... Not give up. Im tired however. Very drained.
Friday, September 01, 2006
It's time...
It's time to watch the DVDs i got from Hollywood on this friday night. I have been itching to watch them but assignments and readings and the devil precede.
It's time to meet my family. I havent spent time with them and I havent really seen them for quite some time. All i yearn for is a meal of home cooked food. The last I had was porridge with salted eggs and some other dishes. That did wonders... I felt so good and That was the best meal of the month!
It's time I sustain and focus more energy on myself, my wellbeing and my books.
It's time to keep my blogging short and to spend more time on work.
It's time to tidy up my room cos the mess is getting into me...
It's time to do what I have always wanted to do but never had the guts to do...
It's time to meet my family. I havent spent time with them and I havent really seen them for quite some time. All i yearn for is a meal of home cooked food. The last I had was porridge with salted eggs and some other dishes. That did wonders... I felt so good and That was the best meal of the month!
It's time I sustain and focus more energy on myself, my wellbeing and my books.
It's time to keep my blogging short and to spend more time on work.
It's time to tidy up my room cos the mess is getting into me...
It's time to do what I have always wanted to do but never had the guts to do...
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