Control

It is important to exert control in our lives. And the utmost important would be the control of the mind. I am a pessimist by nature... probably due to my nurture. But very good friends around me always remind me of the importance and the effectiveness of having an optimistic mind and also on the outlook of things. Challenges and obstacles are always there. Without them, i guess we would have a hard time trying to find our worth. Though very often they seem to darken our path and many a time when the future seems bleak, we tend to opt for the closure of everything and retreat into a corner where our soul and mind can take a rest, and hopefully be away from all the ugly, and although this seems absurd, but i guess during this time... no matter how illogical this may sound, inside all of us, i believe that we all hope that this retreat would allow us some transformation time, to hopefully change all the ugly into a mere nightmare, something that you can wake up and forget, something that you can move on with immediately, something that will just not be there anymore. But life is most often the contrary. All the unhappiness remain. Like it or not, they will not disappear. And yes.. the harsh reality is that we have to come back out from the retreat eventually... and FACE THEM. And since we have to face all the ugly... which is already a very negative feeling.. If we were to continue with a pessimistic point of view... Nothing will ever work out.

And so.. I try.. And i am trying very hard now.. To stay positive. I would have given up long ago. But i chose to hang on. And since i have already hung on... I shall continue. I am at the verge of breaking and giving up truly.... But i think i should stop harbouring such thoughts. It will do me no good. And certainly, it will make things worst.

I just need some support. Never have I truly gotten a sincere form of support. And she is the most important person in my life.

I came a long way from back then based on the optimism and perserverance. I guess i shall hang on... Not give up. Im tired however. Very drained.