Extremes

Yup, in a matter of 2 days, once again, my heart and my mood was yanked from one end to the other end.

I am very confused.

I am so confused and so scared, I cant help it, I cried.

Its been a long while and I guess I have been keeping things inside me for too long. I hardly cry anymore these days. Maybe cos my tear glands are no longer active.

SIGH.

I am losing control of my life. At least things which i would expect or would gladly want to control.

Maybe I should just live each day in stride. Whatever comes along, yeah.. I will let it be. Whatever things that Im losing, maybe I shouldnt hold or grasp anymore. But that is against who I am, but this very nature of me is making me unhappy. Im not sure how still. Like I said, confused.

Im not sure if the way I think is correct, I bare my thoughts with people and yeah... They will tell me if they think otherwise. And sometimes I would explain my point, they think it is ok. I do keep my thoughts in check. The last thing I want happen to me is to be stuck in these series of thoughts and not knowing that they are perhaps wrong.. I might grow so strongly to defend them that whoever challenges I will attack. That is bad.

I am in an environment where change is the only constant.

I cannot afford to be resistant to change. I have to embrace it gracefully and react swiftly. Of course, under that kind of circumstance, adrenalin surge, cold hands and cold feet would come and when deadline is tight... heart keeps on pounding.

At the end of the day, after braving through all these, I simply yearn for comfort and peace. And of course, I need some kind of emotional support too.

But... I will try to be happpy, in fact, I am happy to have a bunch of colleagues... My girlies who are also full of crap. And they are very funny!!!

Ok. I move on with my life. I pick up from where I left on. Wipe away the tears. I begin.