Looking back and forth

2 weeks left and I havent accomplished much physically. Emotionally and spiritually yes.

More to go:

1) Place order for the Chocolate Truffle Log Cake. Hmm Im looking forward to this dinner. CC please come back in time. Xmas dinner in JB and Xmas lunch in SG. You would be the best Xmas pressie!

2) Phase 3 of part 1 of my room makeover needs to be done today. I dont actually have a complete plan yet. But the purpose of me penning things down now is so I can organise my thoughts and clear them one by one.

Part 1 - Packing and throwing (4 phases)
Part 2 - Painting
Part 3 - Getting the furnitures (But the resistance for change is setting in and so much so im not sure if this is going to happen) Discipline, discipline.

3) Get my diploma credits converted into my CII credits. Apply for exemption.

4) Done shopping for gifts for the kids. Havent shopped for the rest on the list. Aye Aye...

Im happy and excited about the remaining two weeks. It's great to end it all with a trip to hongkong!I have been resisting a lot of temptations to shop this xmas season as im saving all for the hongkong trip. Gotta change my wardrobe as I cant dress the way I used to while in Orchard. Now I have to dress for Raffles place. There is 啊 certain level of pressure to dress well and moreover as a broker, I have to be constantly presentable.

I remembered how I felt back then when I first joined the yard. I still hold the same excitement for this new job. The only difference being I know better what I am in for and I wasnt here to explore to find out my passion, I am here to do what I like and I am also more aware of my dislikes, my weaknesses so I will keep in mind that I dont get entangled in situations too sticky for me. New hope, new motivation and a whole plethora of challenges awaits in line. The happiest part being - I know Im working towards a career. Not a job.

CC told me a lot of them thought I resigned to marry him and to stay home with the kids. He laughed and told them he cant keep me home. He says as a witty young lady, I need to be out there to build my career and to work on that aspect of my life. Im happy to hear his reply because it shows how much he understands me and he was always stingy with his praises. Im very touched.

I went through a very difficult phase at work a few months ago, he was there for me. I broke down quite regularly but I fought and made it to the end.

I cried when I was pushed way past my limits.
I fought and hung on because I didnt want to give up. I have my own expectations to live up to. He was there for me though there were a few times I knew he was frustrated but he didnt say.
I got all emotional again when I resigned. It was my first resignation. I remembered how belle teared about her first resignation back then. I couldnt relate. But now I totally understand.
I cried again the last few days in China.

He wiped away my tears, held me in arms and told me that he was proud of me. I couldnt remember his exact words but they were to the meaning of how he could see me handle difficult situations myself, even if i teared, I could eventually resolve and make the best out of it. This was touching because he used to tell me that I tear because I lack experience (not entirely wrong), that I was young (not that he was very much older, 4 years isnt a lot). I used to think that his view of me lacking experience from the work I was doing was not relevant because I was always handling projects that nobody in the company did before. But now I know the experience he meant was the experience of self discovery, of being pushed beyond my limits and setting new limits at the end. From looking at me as a half cup empty, to recognising that I could fill the remaining half because of my half cup full, I felt honoured and truly touched.

My last day in the yard, I wasnt emotional until after lunch when I had to bid goodbye. I was still busy with a training session for Project Team in the morning. I had to rush through to pack my desk in China. Yingying was not her usual jovial self. Maybe because I didnt have time to think but I could tell she wasnt as bubbly. When she sent me out,standing beside our finance building, we hugged each other and cried uncontrollably. I spent a great deal of time with her everyday. She is funny and she always took care of me. I would invite her over to our place for dinner and we would go over. We went clubbing and we went KTV. We shopped and we shared so much. That was quite a moment leaving the yard which I grew up in especially with the people I shared a bond with and I may not see them ever again.

I sent Lao shi an sms to bid her goodbye. I told her I dare not go look for her because I would really break down. She told me when she received my sms she was in a meeting but she couldnt get out. After that she called me when I was back at the apartment frantically packing for my flight in 3 hours' time. She said, “尽管你在公司很能干， 我也不觉得那有什么特别， 可是让我觉得你最可爱的是， 你仍然有这么感性的一面， 这非常难得。 ”

Packing 3 years of barang in 1.5 hours was tough. I blasted music with the song "礼物“ which Yingying sang for me and introduced me the day before at KTV. Filling up 40kg of luggage and singing along while wiping my tears was quite beyond words because of the sadness from leaving these people who made my china experience complete yet deep down inside, I know I am leaving for the better.

Anyway, with the end of 2010 drawing near, I am closing this chapter in my life.

The last 10 years has been the most amazing.

I am grateful for having so many loved ones around. I love my family and I treasure my friends. I was blessed with good bosses and I hope this to continue in 2011 and beyond. Good health is important and I look forward to the coming 10 years.