Blind

OK.

I have decided to post one more entry b4 I sleep tonight.

I think i should get the focus back to my life once again. Its no point leading a life that revolves around others' or that has somewhat influenced by others. Wanna do something, i should just go ahead. I should be giving myself priority. I shall be more firm. I think at the end of the day, everyone has their own schedule so no one will really wait for you or you know, adjust and fit you into theirs nicely. Its tiring when you are the one that is constantly trying to fit. Forget it. I shall just live it my way. It doesnt matter. Since i think at the end of the day, it DOESNT matter.

And why should i get myself all upset and unhappy. I should stay happy my way. There is a limit as to how much i can give. Or at least there is a limit when i dun see that I should be giving so much.

Im tired. As much as i dun want to. Its getting more disheartening. Be optimistic, be positive, only focus on the good. Ya? Maybe. Its easy when you only see good around you. Its easy when the bad is not so obvious.

Priority. Where?

I know why im feeling this way now. I have been pushing things aside again. In the past, i used to just flare up or sulk at the first instance. Now i push things aside and yeah.. looks like nothing really happened. But when im back to face myself again, everything surfaces.

I Am not sure how i should go about handling my life.

Sulking at the first instance is no good. Not talking about it is bad either. How to strike a balance? AGAIN.. INDIFFERENCE. YEah.. let it snowball. Snowball. Im losing it again. Im losing the vision. Im losing sight. In the midst of these tough challenges, i dun think i can pull through. Not for long. Not for long.

I AM TIRED.

VERY TIRED.

I dunno what i am looking for. Im not sure if this is what i want. Im not sure.. Im beginning to be not sure. That IS BAD. I think im losing my gripe. Im not going to hold so tightly anymore. I think i put in a lot of effort till now. Emotionally. Physically. Im going to jump into another extreme. At least for a little while. I cannot SEE IT anymore.