Ra-ou-l

I woke up today, not by the alarm, but by the problem. It has been like that for the past week.
Depressed week I had.

And i forced myself to go to work. Im glad I went.

I had fun at work with my collegues. We are a close bunch of peeps. But I was utterly shocked finding out about A's and B's stories. Two seperate stories. I woke up. The stories woke me up. These are not really stories, but the happenings and incidents that A and B have gone through and are going through.

As for A, that woke me up from my depression.

As for B's story, I would really pray for him. I didnt know. I really didnt expect that to happen. He bought me a drink today and refused to let me pay back. Im glad I did bring some smile to him. Some happiness. Even though they didnt last long. But I guess for that one or two seconds, he was happy. I dunno what I would do If I were to be in their positions. I cant imagine myself being so strong.

I admire a lot of my colleagues. Sales is really a very very tough job. The long standing hours aside, imagine how much pain it involves to just smile and have to keep smiling and greeting customers and put whatever problems we have inside away.

Going through a break up you have to smile.

Going through marriage crisis, knowing that ya husband has decided to leave you for someone else, you have to smile.

Serious family problems and you have to smile.

When you dun even know how long more you are able to live, you have to smile.

We cant even cry too hard the night before for the swollen eyes will make all the hiding ineffective.

There were many times I remembered, the moment the customer left the shop, tears will well up my eyes. And sometimes when customers just walk in, I have to somehow stop whatever Im feeling, including making sure that that very drop of tear in my eyes doesnt fall and get on. The shop at MW is not just a place I sough refuge many times throughout my uni life. There are a lot of memories there. A place where I sort of grew up, emotionally.

What am I going to do if I only have a few months left to live?
Can I plan my funeral the way Morris did?
Who will turn up and will I get to hear the Eulogy that people write for me?
Will I receive my favourite flowers?
Will I be able to know how many people's lives I have touched?
Will I be able to withstand the pain of seeing my loved ones all upset because Im no longer able to stay in this world?
Will I be able to leave this world with no regrets?
- to have done all the things that I have always wanted to do.
- to love and give passionately with no fear of getting hurt?
-to have spent enough time with the people who cared for me, loved me, and whom I care and love too?

I want to live every moment to the fullest. I wanna put in every effort in all that I engage in right now. Life is too short, so short...