Dun cry

Jen once told me when I was in Bkk that I shouldnt cry, no matter how sad I am. She was reading some psychology module and she said that crying will make one sink into a deeper state of depression. Something to that meaning. She was very serious about it at that time when I told her that I felt like crying. I listened to her. Somehow, I believed her and till today, I still remembered that. I think overall I did feel better at that time

Right now, at this very point of time, I can feel that everything is about to spillover. I think I can no longer suppress. But I shouldnt cry. What should I do? I have not been eating well these days. Work has been so hectic. Everything is so tight. Things hasnt really been going on well.

My body finally surrendered. I fell asleep without the energy to cry. I took a half hour nap before I woke up trembling though the air con wasnt on. I dun feel well. Im totally exhausted. I forced myself out of bed cos i have to get that bag.

After meeting nette to get the sleeping bag.... I realised, that tiny bit of energy i have, is once again exhausted.

I cant be that strong anymore. As the music blasted in my ears, I held on to my tears on the train. Occasionally when one drop accidentally fell, i wiped it off quickly. Things are better when im off the train walking home. There was no one. The tears just flowed. I held on and I fought. But I lost and they came... non stop.

I kept moving. no matter how much tears flowed. I kept moving. I cant stop. I dun have time to stop. The tears kept flowing But I have to pack. The tears kept flowing but I have to get on with my work. The tears kept flowing just before I slept. I cant stop doing anything because I cant afford to. Yet, I cant stop the tears from flowing.

I guess when the pain culminates to a point, it wont hurt anymore. I will perhaps tear, less. It will perhaps be unbearable still, but less. Eventually I will be fine.

I lost a vision.