The Flight home

I sank into a huge depression yesterday. I am someone who doesnt speak my mind readily and openly. I would bottle everything up and one day, when things are filled to the brim, i break down.



I would try my best to get out of this depression.



My grandma's funeral was over yesterday. The moment that I loathe most was always that just before cremation. The screaming, shouting, and wailings, all was unbearable. It was the same for all 3 funerals that I attended so far, with 2 being that of people whom i love and Im close to.



I received a call from mummy last wed morning on the bad news.



For the first 10 min, my mind was blank. I was all alone in the room in my office in China.



With no huge emotions, tears started streaming down. I wasnt consciously crying but those tears were not within my control and somehow, I had problems stopping them.



I needed a hug. I needed someone. I was all alone in a cold and empty room.


Things on my mind:
Gotta rush to arrange quickest flight back. Gotta reschedule meetings. Gotta plan hastiest arrangements. Gotta buy peanuts, ah ma's fav.



Next morning, I woke up at 7am and headed to office for an important meeting scheduled at 830am.



At 930 am, i was on my way to yantai airport. I reached Seoul at about 1230pm. Went to buy dunkin doughnuts, grandma loved snacks too. waited for my flight.



Took off at 310pm. Reached SG 930pm. This was one of the longest flight ever. Rushed home to change and i reached the wake at 1010pm.



Holding the josssticks in hand, my tears flowed again. I was late. I didnt even get to see her body because they have decided not to drain the remaining blood off her.I was only closer to ah ma after she was seriously ill last july and we all started visiting her regularly. But still, I didnt think it made things any easier for me.

This is the first death in which i have to cope with while I was away from my family. Uncle tin and wan yee were there for me all the way from after i received the news till before i boarded the flight back home. I couldnt ask a lot of questions which i had in mind cos none of my family members were around. I just had to put everything on hold, tried to push everything to the back of my mind while i endured the flight back.

12 hours of torture before i eventually reach my home. That was one of the worst 12 hours in my life.