Maybe

Perhaps things are going to get back to normal.

Perhaps I am able to work at my own pace again and not be forced to trudge through the fields not at my own speed, but at the speed that I was expected to be moving... rather, the speed that the team is expected to be moving at.

I am me. I am not a team.

I have to bring the team together.

And we need to trudge along.

I am weary. Physically and emotinally.

I hope to be able to see some results. However, I cant help but shudder at the thought of being checked out of the blue and be caught for moving too slow... rather, let the team be caught for moving too slow.

Im not the one giving directions but it seems that I do not have a choice anymore since the directions that were given were inconsistent and random, clearly with no strategy.

I cant just be slaving at a corner, I have to make sure that we are on the right track, and also put in effort in the trudge, and not just stand there and be a NATO.

Editing is not difficult.
Making fine changes is not difficult.
Creation is.
Starting from scratch is.

I have to survive. I will survive.

It is not about proving myself to others for any face credit or so.
Im doing so out of necessity.
They think you are fresh from school, you have no experience, you cant get it done.
Until you get it done. And then you talk. People will then listen to you.
This is the rule in working life. Especially when you are going to bring people to move in ya direction. Talk and talk only brings you only so far.
Do it.
DO it well.
Do it right.

90% of the work we do is common sense and skills. The technicalities are not rocket science. They can be learnt on the job. But if you have the technicalities, but you lack the skills and most importantly common sense, you will fail. And not only will you drag yourself into shit, you bring all with you along too.

Still trudging along...
Not sure when it will end...